mullan
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/08
Posts: 8
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Living in a nightmare
08/04/08 02:17 AM
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Hello, I am new and have a situation that I need outside opinions on. Sometime in June my husband told me he wanted a divorce. I am a Christian, he is not. And divorce did not seem like the right thing to me. I had made it clear to him that I was going to keep trying. In Oct he served me with divorce papers. I had a feeling for some time there was someone else. I had asked him several times and he always denied it. Late Oct I caught him leaving the house around 1am and walking down the street. The next night after work I confronted him. He finally admited he was "in love" with someone. I asked if he had slept with her and he said they had been intimate. For the last 4 months I had been working so hard to love him even though he was not responding. We had talks and he would say things that made me think there might be a chance. In hindsight I was in extreme denial but that night my world came to a stand still. I snapped and lashed out and tried to slap him across the face. he blocked my arm and pushed me to the ground. When I got on my feet I was yelling how dare you push me. He was in my face calling me vile names. He had me pinned to the wall while he was yelling at me. I was trying to push him away and when I could not get away I grabbed his neck and dug my nails in and pushed away from me. (fyi.. he is 6'2 235lbs, I am 5'4 1xx lbs) I was fighting back trying to get away from him. When I finally did I left the room and told him I wanted him out of the house. He said you cant kick me out of MY house. i said yes I can. he said OH YEAH, THEN YOUR GOING TO JAIL. I went in the living/dinning room and i was so upset all I could do is say How could you. He got in my face again still calling me every name in the book. He went to the dinning table pulled out the phone book and was looking for the police number. Long story long, the police came to the door. Because he had marks and blood on his neck I was taken to jail. I spent 12 hours there and because the kids were in the house I was charged with 4th degree felony assault even thought i had sent them outside when the yelling started. When I was released, I was not allowed to go home. I have 3 kids and was terrified I would not be able to see them. When I was arrained i was so scared I did not hear them say the charge was reduced to harrasment so I asked for a trial instead of pleading guilty and taking a fine. My lawyer advised me to request a restraining order which would give me temp custody and the house. So I did and it was granted. This really pissed him off and he went to the DA and insisted they charge me with 4th degree assault and not harrasment. This charge comes with the possibility of jail time. He protested the restraining order and the judge removed it. Even thought my husband had been physically abusive to my oldest son and i had my pastor on the stand saying he had seen my husband in a rage and it had made him scarred for his physical saftey. You see my husband has been verbally abusive for a long time and he gets angry very quickly. I can see this so clearly know and I feel like a fool for allowing it for so long.
So because I had the No-Contact order from the criminal case he was able to kick me out of the house. I have no family here and almst ended up in a womens shelter. I was told by different people, not to leave the kids behind because it would be considered abandonment. But if I took them to a shelter with me then I would be removing them from a good home and putting them into a situation much worse. I thought going to jail was the worst day of my life but not knowing where to go or if I should take the kids or leave them. Would i ever see them??? Thankfully a frind from church let me stay with her and she had room for the kids. My husband and I settled shared the kids as best we could. it wasnt much but at least I got to have them. I ended up renting a house and for the past 10 months have been waiting to go to trial on the criminal case. I can not risk going to court for the divorce because the criminal case is for domestic abuse and the chance of loosing custody of my kids is to great. My soon to be ex has been using this as a weapon and wont agree to any settlments i have suggested. I can not get into my house to remove my belongings because of the criminal case. He has so much control and power right now and I can do nothig about it. This is a nightmare that I can not wake up from nd it is taking a toll. When this first began he told his family that all he had done was kiss this other woman. Well she gave birth to a son last weekend. That was one powerfull kiss! Since the birth of this baby, I have been in a spin. My emotions are all over the place. i am not handling this well. The criminal trial had been rescheduled 4 times and it looks like it will be again. I have absolutly no rights in this. The old Right to a speedy trial only seems to be for people who are sitting in jail. My life is on hold and I am comming unglued. My faith is stronger because of this trial but I need it to end and the court system is NOT on my side.
If I loose custody of my children I really think I might loose my sanity. It is what keeps me up at night.
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