Frogger71
recently joined
Reged: 08/21/08
Posts: 2
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Help, please...
08/21/08 02:38 PM
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I have been married for almost ten years and together for twelve. The other day, I came home in a terrible mood and was very mean to her. It was wrong and unwarranted, but it was a very bad day. At that point, she said, I am leaving you. I am done with this marriage and I am taking the kids. She said I am selfish, self-absorbed and she hates the person I have become. I am devastated.
There is much truth to what she says. I have not been a very good husband for a while and I recognize it. I have a gambling addiction which I have decided to seek help for and I am hopeful that I can live a better, more fulfilling life. Thank god, my addiction has not hurt us dramatically on the financial side, but it is clear to me that all of the elements that go along with my problem have made me selfish and dislikable to her. However, we have had many good times. Some of them have been fairly recent. We have lots of friends and a good sex life. We laugh together and fight about things, but that is part of the package.
To make matters worse, after she left, I went on a gambling binge. I lost a lot of money, but nothing that will hurt us significantly. I feel awful and ashamed and now I have made matters much, much worse.
When I came home from gambling, she had come home too and she said that she needed to get over the gambling trip and I needed help in order for us to stay married. So we agreed to wipe the slate clean and move ahead with one last try.
I asked her, but she wont go to marriage counseling because she feels that I need to change, not her. I understand her point of view, but I dont believe that we can work this out without help.
I want to change and be the man she married. I love her and my kids and despite my flaws, I have been a good provider and we have had many, many good times as well as many big bumps in the road.
We went to counseling once before and it got us through an issue of distrust - where I believed she was cheating. I no longer believe that to be the case and I think my paranoia and her self-righteousness fueled the flames of that period in our life. I thought we were past it, but apparently the pain still lingers for her.
She has been a wonderful wife for most of the ten year marriage, but now she is like a different person. She is telling me that she was just living with me and doing what she needed to please me because it was easy. She said that she hasnt felt good about our relationship for years - despite telling me during counseling that she loved me and wanted me to forgive her. That was a few months ago.
Now I am confronted with her "last chance", but everytime I speak to her, she is venemous. I know that she is seeking an attorney through her friends and she has told some of our mutual friends that she is close to leaving me.
If she really wants to work it out as she says and give me one more chance to stay married, how do I proceed if she is going to be this cold and hateful. I am afraid she is really planning the divorce and just holding me off with this prospect of "working it out" so she can get her ducks in a row and screw me financially. We are a successful household in that respect and there is alot to lose.
I need some advice. What do I do? I love her and want to be with her... I told her this. She said we will wipe the slate clean and try... but she speaks to me as if we are already in the throws of an ugly divorce. Can you plan a divorce and still try to work it out at the same time? Am I just being set up by a woman who no longer loves me? What do I do?
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Help, please...
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Frogger71
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08/21/08 02:38 PM
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Re: Help, please...
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Maury
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08/23/08 11:29 AM
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Re: Help, please...
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BeckaLeigh
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08/21/08 11:42 PM
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Re: Help, please...
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FreedomFlghter
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08/21/08 03:30 PM
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Re: Help, please...
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Asheron77
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08/21/08 11:36 PM
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Re: Help, please...
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BeckaLeigh
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08/21/08 11:50 PM
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Re: Help, please...
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Asheron77
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08/22/08 12:12 AM
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Re: Help, please...
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AKFather
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08/22/08 02:13 AM
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Re: Help, please...
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FIRM321
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08/22/08 08:10 AM
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Re: Help, please...
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BeckaLeigh
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08/23/08 01:43 AM
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Re: Help, please...
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LAFather2
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08/23/08 05:56 AM
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Re: Help, please...
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BeckaLeigh
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08/26/08 11:56 AM
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Re: Help, please...
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Asheron77
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08/24/08 05:40 PM
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Re: Help, please...
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MSPappa
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08/24/08 05:51 PM
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