tammy917
journeyman
Reged: 09/17/07
Posts: 87
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What would you do? Need Advice
02/08/09 10:10 PM
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*also posted on life after divorce* didn't know which would be best.
It's been 4+ yrs after my divorce, have dated lots, had a few boyfriends, nothing that's lasted more than 10 mos until now.
I reconnected with an old high school boyfriend almost a year ago. We've been dating ever since. He had his 2 kids most of the time. His ex is sporadic at best about taking the kids so they've always been a part of this. I have 3, he has 2.
A little background. His folks live next door to his ex, in a house owned by her (used to be theirs but she got those 2 houses in the divorce),he got the marital home.
Her family is LOADED. His family, not so much. He is accustomed to their generosity eg. using their suburban for the last week and a half just because he can, going out to their vacation cabin to spend the weekend, very generous gifts etc...
I am bothered that he uses their suburban... He has a vehicle, it is fine, but the suburban is nicer he says. He drove it to my place this weekend (an hour away) to spend the weekend with me. Last week, when he first borrowed it, he didn't let on that it was his ex in-laws' until I pressed the issued and asked straight out. Kind of a game of 20 questions to actually find out what I want to know.
Also, he is at his folks' house often. Like every day and night for a few hours during during his lunch breaks and while his kids are at their sport practices (he lives 14 miles from town) Consequently, his ex sees him there and invites him over/ cooks/ brings him take out for dinner.
Sometimes I think it's safe to say the kids are there, sometimes they aren't. Usually (I hope) she sends some home for the kids to eat also.
I told him last summer I was bothered by the fact that he grilled out at her place, whole fam damily at her house.
So he just quit telling me about the meals. I saw it on his phone (he perused my messages earlier that day, so I did his later... he knew I was doing it). She was asking him things like chicken or roast? and this Chinese meal or that one?
I understand that he's always gonna have a connection with her. Forever. They have kids together. As I will have a connection with my ex. However, I don't eat meals at his place (I'd vomit), nor do I ask my ex in-laws to borrow their stuff for weeks on end.
He says I'm jealous of his relationship w his ex, I say there has to be boundries... I know where they are and he doesn't. I don't think I'm jealous. I wouldn't be mad if he had just told me about his visits rather than let me find out this way, or tell me he's borrowing the suburban from the ex in laws for this reason or that reason. If he's got nothing to hide why is he not being forthright?
What do you think?
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