ginac
recently joined
Reged: 02/24/09
Posts: 5
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Can some one give me advice?!
02/24/09 06:33 PM
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I know this is long, but hopefully someone will have the patience to read through it and offer me some advice. I met my husband of 18yrs. 19yrs. ago. When we met (he had just gotten married 2 mons. prior to meeting me)I did not know that he was already married. He didn't tell me he was married until 5 months later. I was devestated and broke it off for about a week. Then he told me his wife of 2mons. was pregnant, but not to worry because she was sickly and probably wouldnt have the baby. She did, he got divorced I married him and we have two children of our own. When her child was born she said that her son could not have any contact with me, so my family and children have no idea that my husband has this other child. My husband has been verbally and sometimes physically abusive(shoving, pushing, throwing on ground) to me over the years.He has blamed me for not being a part of his child's life and he has continued to lie to me over the years about many things.He has been vebally abusive to several friends and family members also. He convinced me to move to an isolated rural area an hour away from friends and family with the promise that his hours would change and he would be home at 3 everyday. Of course that did not happen. In fact he started sleeping at his Mom's house 2 nights a week so he could work overtime. Recently he planned a trip for ten days(2nd trip for himself in 3 yrs) and paid for it(we are in debt) without telling me. I found out from a stranger prior to him going. His famous line "I was gonna tell you or I didn't lie just didnt tell you" was used again.I told him if he went that was it, this was the final straw. When he got back from trip I asked him to leave and went to a lawyer. During this time he made contact with his other child. Now he thinks that my children should be told about this, in fact he was going to tell them Christmas Day, which I felt was totally inappropriate. We are not divorced yet, and my children have been very upset by all that has gone on.His family has done and said some not so nice things, and he has acted somewhat cold to the kids(sometimes not talking to them for over a week and then texting them rather than talking to them). I think that he should wait until things settle down for my children before he tells them. He thinks they should be told now, and that they will love finding out that they have an older sibling(they are 16&13).I asked him how his other child and the child's mom feel about all this and he doesn't even know. I think he should find out first before dropping another bomb on my children. I am heartbroken.I don't understand why he would feel the urgency to do this know. And after all this I sometimes don't want to go through with the divorce.Any advice on how to handle this mess?
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