countrybumkin2
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Reged: 04/01/09
Posts: 2
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What would you recommend?
04/01/09 02:58 PM
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I have to say, I don’t understand. And the question would be—is it me? Now what?
Divorces are tough—I get that much. Having walked away from a 5 year relationship, I understand the weight behind a splitsville decision.
About 6 months ago, I moved to NYC and met a great guy while assisting a photographer. We became friends and, knowing he was married and had 3 kids, I didn’t think that any “interest” would develop. I was casually dating some other people at the time (none of interest). Our friendship grew and I stopped dating.
Based on events that were occurring over the last year or two, the guy and his wife decided that they were getting divorced. The guy moved out of the place he was sharing with his ex and the kids…. And moved in with me.
Ok, that sounds bad. And I do feel guilty that we are in a relationship, even though the legal divorce papers aren’t signed.
It’s strange. I haven’t really been in “love” the same way before. I truly love him and acknowledge that he loves me. But I feel stupid that I’m in a relationship with a married man. His Ex knows about me, so she’s not in the dark.
He says he wants to be friends with the ex and he feels I’m not letting that be an option. The reasoning “maybe she just wants someone to talk about her job with and ask for advice.” She calls and texts a bit. I believes he humors her, despite what he may or may not let me in on. I told him that I feel like he’s still latching on to the past relationship. If it’s really over, then maybe its’ time to let her find other people to depend on and ask advice, right now. Or if he Does feel the need to “help her out” in terms of her personal life or job, etc. then maybe he should reconsider the divorce. Not saying he shouldn’t be friends with her, but Maybe he needs to take a step back to let her move on first. Unless that’s what bothers him—to know that she won’t be depending on him anymore.
I told him that it may not be his intention, but my impression is that it he is still clinging on to the remnants, and I don’t really think it’s fair to me to be part of the juggling act. And that I resent that aspect of our relationship. Maybe I’m being childish. I just don’t feel like I have the level of transparency and or trust that I would want in a relationship.
I have been told that maybe I should let all my inhabitions go and trust him fully. But it seems so hypocritical.
He says “it’s a piece of paper, will it really make a difference? Will love change before or after my signature is on a piece of paper?”
I see the point, And No, it’s not the paper. The paper = a legally binding marriage commitment. He is legally Committed to someone else right now—someone he continues to keep in contact with and who, as the mother of his children, takes a priority in his life.
Is this relationship better off on hold until things become a little more settled? How do i deal?
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