dante
recently joined
Reged: 04/16/09
Posts: 8
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My account disappeared, but I have more questions
04/16/09 11:03 AM
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I joined last week and spoke of my wife's indiscretions recently and the turmoil we are having in our marriage. I recieved some wonderful feedback from a forum member here and need to continue my discussion with him/her and whomever else may have insight or advice.
Bringing things up to speed: My wife and I started marriage counseling with a wonderful and credentialed marriage counselor last week. We see her again tomorrow.
We discussed my wife's extra- marital "emotional" affair she had been engaged in with a coworker for the last month. In so many words, my wife stated she doesn't know why she seekd out attention from other men (he was not the first..the cycle runs one guy for every 10 months to a year), but the relationship between them, although no physical contact was made (or so has been revieled thusfar) was highly inappropriate and continous even though I caught it early, confronted her and him as well via email. Sidenote: He is married with 3 young girls of his own, supposedly happily, and is 15 years my wife's senior. I am 10 years her elder. She has claimed the activity has since stopped and she asked him to discontinue, but he didn't, so I contacted his wife myself and sent her all the corresponding proof from captured emails and phone records I had collected between them. I havent seen any activity since between the two, but they do work together, so what I can only go on is her word, which right now means very little as you can expect.
I do not want to distrust my wife or spy on her. I love her deeply and want the best for us and our family (she is 3 months preganant with our second child). She told me and our counselor she does love me very much but is very confused because she doesn't know why she seeks affection from other men when she admits I am highly attentive, attractive, loving and a great father and provider. She also sais at this point I shoudln't trust her because she cannot trust herself.
Up to the very minute before I caught her, she acted normal. Very happy, very loving, great sex life with me, plans for the future and vacations and home improvements, etc...until the bomb dropped. Now, although I am working extremely hard to be a better husband and communicator, she shows very little interest in me. She will not make love to me, although I have been free to give her entire full body massages to ease the aches of her preganancy, rub her feet for hours, hold her hand (although she wont clinch my hand back; it lays limp), kiss her and cuddle her all night in bed. But, when I try to initate a sexual bond, the one tell-tale that I as a man has as a reassurance of the love she feels for me and the "oneness" if you will, she will start to cry and say that she just cannot. That has crushed me inside, but I have refrained from telling her that (I'll save it for the counsellor's couch) because i honestly am not looking for physical relief, but the deep bond we once had to be rekindled.
I have also sat and expressed some of my feelings and internal discoveries of shortcomings in myself that I realize that I will work never-ending to correct to ensure her of my devotion and committment to her, but when I try to get her to open up to me, she gets angry and says that is why she is in counselling with me, to share it there with "a referee" and to let her have that. I have not argued the point and I have backed off. But it seems as if she is so disconnected from me that she can't-wont tell me anything unless a mediator is present to baby-step us through a process. Don't get me wrong, I love that we are doing this together and I pray to God above it helps save what I cherish between us so much...but I don't want that to be the only avenue for communication between us.
I have also been trying to reignite "an affair", if you will, between my wife and I. I email her, send her text messages, send digital pages, etc., telling her she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, how she is my heart and soul, etc. When she comes home, I have made everything as possibly complete for her that I can within the hour and half I have between the two of us getting home from work and me taking care of our three year old after his day in Daycare. Dinner is ready, house is tidy, clothes are washed, and I am ready and set to sit and listen to her about her day.
Am I doing the right things? Do you think she will ever come back to me emotionally and romantically? Please, anyone's thoughts...I feel more helpless than last week when I was here.
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My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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dante
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04/16/09 11:03 AM
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Re: My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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javajunkiee
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04/16/09 12:32 PM
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Re: My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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dante
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04/16/09 12:53 PM
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Re: My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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WhoDaresWins
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04/16/09 09:42 PM
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Re: My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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dante
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04/17/09 07:47 AM
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Re: My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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DeeCan
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04/17/09 12:03 PM
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Re: My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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losingfaith
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04/17/09 04:30 PM
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Re: My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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dante
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04/17/09 02:30 PM
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Re: My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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DeeCan
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04/18/09 07:28 PM
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Re: My account disappeared, but I have more questions
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Bust
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04/25/09 03:39 PM
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I agree with DeeCan
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Annie7676
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04/17/09 04:20 PM
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