Hi everyone, I'm a lurker and first time poster here.
The situation is somewhat long and complicated, but I'd like your opinions.
A little over 3 years ago my husband had an affair while I was pregnant with our second son. I caught him and kicked him out. He begged and pleded with me to let him come back a few days later, and suggested marriage counselling. I agreed. During the course of the counselling, he got BACK together with his mistress, and continued on for several months. He lied to the marriage counsellor during this time. I caught him again when the baby was 6 weeks old. Once again I booted him, this time I thought it was for good. Again he begged, and I relented, but demanded that he make certain changes, including to stop swearing in front of the kids and to make up with my parents.
I have asked him a number of times to honour those promises, and told him to stop baiting me. He realized then that he did it, but didn't stop it. In fact he frequently used the name of his ex-mistress to bait me, even when we went out for our anniversary. Even his parents have told him to treat me better, not that he respects them either.
There are a number of other issues, drinking, [censored], etc. He has carried on what could be defined as an internet affair with a woman I know, and I have pictures and emails back and forth to prove it. He went so far as to invite this (married) woman to our house when she was in the area. Nothing happened, but I wouldn't doubt he tried. He never told me, and told her not to tell me because I'd be angry that the house was messy.
Well, of course, these changes hadn't taken place. He baits me constantly, doing and saying things just to get a rise out of me. This summer he took on a large outdoor project, then yelled at me when I couldn't help him. He would work outside until after 9pm. I found solace and refuge in an online game I have played for years now (and he used to play with me until he got bored of it). I would much rather socialize with those people than my husband, since it prevented arguments and fights.
There I have met someone very special, and I am very attracted to him. I realize that this complicates matters. I do not say that two wrongs make a right.
I am at a crossroads. I have given my husband 2 chances now to change, and of course now he's swearing once again to change, to treat me right, to stop baiting me, etc. He realizes he was a fool to ignore me, that no man should expect his wife to help him with such a large project. But I have seen these *changes* before, twice to be exact, and in time he always goes back to the way he was. I feel like I need to chose between giving him yet another chance to change, and starting over with someone else.
Do you believe that someone can truly change?