I guess the General forum is so overrun with trolls, nowhere to really post anymore. Since I haven't been in for over a month, figured I'd stop and leave a little update and say hi.
Refresher: www.divorcesource.com/ubbthreads/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=general&Number=584861&Searchpage=1&Main=581845&Words=+almostheaven&topic=&Search=true#Post584861
Update: Still seeing my counselor to try and deal with issues. Need to learn not to get angry or upset over what I can't control...like our 4 yo son saying he can't watch cartoons at daddy's house because I took their TV. :( I took one of our three TVs, my personal computer (he has his own), my own clothes, half of son's clothes and toys, NO furniture, NO dishes, regretfully no pictures off the walls, books, DVDs, etc....NADA. See...getting upset again. 4 yo said he can't do bubbles (breathing treatment) at daddy's cause I took everything. Grrrrrrr I'm not even attempting to say anything to daddy anymore because he twists it to his own ideas. I'm letting the lawyer handle it entirely now. Hopefully my lawyer will get him to give me my car keys and stop sending me bags of expired juice out of the fridge. Don't ask! Hopefully he'll get my lawyer's letter to get utilities OUT of my name before I shut them off. He's had two months. They get forwarded to me, show as being unpaid and late, and I have to then take them to him at exchanges. Meanwhile, I'm paying my own utilities and cable bill. He said he hasn't had "time" to go to the cable company and get it done. Grrrrrrr
Sent clothes for two weekends, weren't returned. Lawyer says not to send anymore. So I don't. Get nastygram from daddy that he guesses he'll have to go out and buy some. Well duhhhhh. He's outgrown anything I left or took with me and I've had to buy him a whole new wardrobe, of which the ones I sent never have come back. You've not sent a dime towards his care or sitter, so yeah...go buy some. Grrrrrrrr
Ok, I'm dealing with it. Getting it off my chest helps...temporarily, until the next bonehead move or remark. I just keep taking son to the counselor and letting him know he's loved and hasn't done anything wrong.
I do hate the fact that our son is so close with our neighbors and their granddaughter, and since my departure, he's only seen them once for a quick visit. I hope his dad will start letting him spend some more time with them while he's there. He's trying to play Disney dad and taking him to Camden Park and Billy Bob's for every visit, spending no time at home. This was part of the issue with son's behavior to start with and something the counselor brought up that daddy didn't want to hear. But spending two hours every Thursday night at Billy Bob's is not going to give him the results he wants from his son (in the words of the child psychologist). He told him to his face before the separation that being his friend and not his dad wouldn't give him the results he wanted. But he's still trying to be his friend, and of course discussing things with a 4 yo that should never be said to him.
On the bright side, his behavior has improved so tremendously that I'm getting ready to put him back into preschool, since he was getting kicked out of over behavior issues stemming from all this.
I've furnished my apartment and am searching for more permanent residency (since I just took over my daughter's remaining lease and I'm trying to figure out how to manage on 600 sq. ft.! Just plugging away house searching, refurnishing, new preschool searching and dropoffs/pickups every week. Just hoping daddy will get out of his depression before he damages his son, but at least son can have some balance in that he's not continually subjected to it. He'll have a chance to see how life can be happy and not always miserable. Now that daddy is distancing himself from neighbors and everyone though, I don't know how he can ever find any improvement. Hopefully the VA docs will see it and help him, but I'm not really sure he was actually going to those appointments that he said he was. I'm not sure of much of anything anymore.
He's just angry and slinging accusations, saying:
1. He should've called the cops cause I "robbed the place" when I took the one TV.
2. That I left him with bounced checks that 6 months of bank statements show never occurred until the day AFTER I left and HE overdrew the bank account by cleaning it out and not waiting for checks to clear (at least I have a copy of THAT withdrawal slip with his signature - even the bank don't know why he was allowed to overdraw it like that).
3. That I left him with unpaid bills, when the bank statement shows utilities and credit cards being paid the DAY I left, since I made sure to do it before unplugging my computer.
4. That I turned off "his" phone LOL, being that it was in MY name and he had the American Express reissued that it was automatically billed to and therefore it was shutoff because the bill couldn't be processed and the emails went to my old account.
5. That I cancelled "his" insurance claim on the robbery of our storage shed just before I left. I called in the claim. I wasn't home, he called in the robbery. He didn't get the name of the police dept. that responded, the name of the officer, nothing. Insurance couldn't process without it and he was too busy to obtain it. They were calling me after the separation and THEY closed the claim and said he could call back and restart it once he got the info they needed.
That's just the tip of it all, but maybe a good insight for those who are planning to go through it. The accusations are going to fly from either one or both parties. SOMEONE (if not both) is going to be hurt, offended, slighted, whatever. There may be a point in the process where the parties can finally work together. I just keep looking for that point and hoping. :(
For anyone that got this far and know me, hey, it's been fun ain't it? LOL For those that don't, be prepared.
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Char Fox
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