AmICrazy
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Reged: 12/17/09
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Who's Who
12/18/09 02:43 PM
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I have been married for 16 years to a man who is the only son and youngest of a family of 4 who basically grew up in a very dysfunctional family (aren't we all on some level). He comes from a single-parent house where his mother was a heroin addict who did whatever to get a fix, and never put her children's welfare first. She would disappear and many times they lived abandoned. I came from a very close-secured intact family and trust me we have our level of dysfunctionality. My husband's has always been financially responsibile and 2 years into our marriage his mother passed. With two young children, he took care of the cost of the funeral. Any money he collected he gave to his sisters. Since that time, my husband's mother has become his angel (go figure). He felt an obligation to take care of his sisters who are 13 months, 3 years and 5 years older then him because he says this is what his mother would have wanted him to do. I say to myself; how would your mother expect you to do something she didn't do? To me his only obligation in life is to his wife and children. For years, he has made his sisters a priority and as long as our bills are paid he feels he is doing his part as a husband and father. Everything he does seems to be centered around whether his sisters are comfortable. Even finances. His sister (3years older) and her husband borrowed the down payment of their new home that was built from the ground while he, the kids and I were still living in a one bedroom apartment. He has co-signed for cars. If they need money, he is right there. However, anything he gives me-I have to be reminded of it and for the most part I have to pay it back. This has put a serious strain on our relationship because I have never felt I was first in his life (after GOD). I never felt like I was his wife, the love of his life. I have dealt with a lot of betrayal with my husband including infidelity. Infidelity; however, was never my ultimate betrayal so I still wanted my marriage til dealth do us part. I always felt the need to stay with him to show him that I love him unconditionally and would never abandon him like his mother did. I wanted to make him see that he had a real family and that we loved him and would be there for him. In 2004 we decided to relocated to a different state where my mother lived, my husband told me to move first with the kids and he would put in a transfer and move inventually.(He did not want to give up his Postal Job) From that point, my husband sold the house and transfered to a location 1/2 hr from where we originally lived to move in with his sister which was closer to us. From that time, my husband would commute 1 1/2hr to the state where me and the kids lived to see us every other week. Four months after the kids and I moved, I found settlement papers in my husband's car where he purchased a home and him and eventually his sister and her child moved in with him. He never consulted with me about it. I only found out by happenstance. He said he would have eventually told me. My sister-in-law even threw a house warming party for him which I never received an invitation for. From that point forward, I knew I would never move back north to where he was at because he never include me in the plan. You just don't make major decisions in life like that without considering your spouse. But that's not how my husband thinks. Well, it has been 5 years now, and we have been living 1 1/2 away in two different states because his job never transfered him (so I am led to believe). The kids attend good schools and are now teenagers, I have a great job in the school system that pays well, and we still continue to have a long distance marriage. The visits have now become sporadic and I have basically been rearing two teenagers alone. With the exception of my husband's minimal financial contributions which equals roughly $800/month,(which consider child support)I carry all the bills in my house, including the $1500 mortgage on a home my husband recently used his credit score and GI bill to purchase. By which he has recently reminded me that I owe him the closing cost and insurance payment for. Untimately, I feel that he isn't there and has never been. My ultimate betrayal happened 2 years ago when I discovered my husband's will where he gave Power-of-Attorney to one sister and made another the Executor of his estate. His sisters and I do not have a relationship because they to do not know their place and realize that as his wife I come first. I confronted him and let him know how that made me feel. He explained that he knew his sisters would give him the type of funeral he wanted, and that when our daughter becomes 18; he will change things over to her. I continued to tried to show him unconditional love by staying with him. His Power-of-Attorney has been married 3 times and is currently with the 3rd husband and my husband plays tag-a-long in the relationship. His Executrix lives 5 states away in and only sees him every other year, if that. Between being in foster care where one was adopted, another one hit the streets living with friendsand the other (who he seems to be closest to)who did endure some of the same hardships with him, they didn't really grow up in the same home together. As the new year is approaching, I want to enter it with good resolution as I am now getting fed up with feeling like a second class citizen and tired of the Who's Who. If something were to happen to him, I would feel like a fool being in a marriage to where I have no control over anything. Who's who and do you think there's hope.
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