BerdyB
newbie
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 43
Loc: California
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Name Change Advice?
01/15/10 06:42 PM
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So, I saw there is a specific forum for name changes but it's dead empty - so I'd like to post here with those who have been through a divorce and have had my experience.
My STBX and I are on good terms. The agreement we have for custody is basically 80/20 - he has Monday/Wednesday evenings for 4 hours each evening and every other weekend (Fri-Sun).
Before the men bash me here - this was HIS schedule that HE wanted. I offered 50/50 but he felt overwhelmed and thought it best my six month old babies be with their Mommy more. I applaud him for being so honest with himself.
Anyhow, I digress. I know I have a long time before I really have to worry about the name thing but here's my issue: I want to share my last name with my children. My ex knows how I feel and as I see it, I had three choices:
1. Change the babies last name to my maiden name.
2. Keep my married last name and when/if it becomes a problem deal with it then.
3. Hyphenate the kids last name to include both last names.
Now, as you can imagine, my ex was NOT willing to go with changing their names to just my maiden name. He was okay with hyphenation, however, I feel that it's going to be incredibly inconvenient/confusing to the children as they grow up and it's not fair to them. So I'm left with keeping my married name. I have concerns about this. Allow me to explain.
My sister had kids out of wedlock and gave her children her boyfriends last name. They of course broke up and he married another woman. The schools, doctors and other things that are important all assumed his new wife was the mother of my sister's children because they all shared the last name. It's wreaked havoc on the relationship between all of the adults.
I will tell you that seeing my sister experience this first hand has made it worrisome about not having my children's last name. (I realize my relationship with my ex is different that her relationship with hers... but still). Also, I don't want it to become a point of contention when my ex decides to remarry.
Aside from my sister's baggage, I just feel like it's an identifier between me and my children to share the last name. I'm not sure why this is so important to me - maybe because I'm such a new Mom.
Any thoughts on this? I know I don't have to do anything now - but I'm still grappling with this quite a bit...
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"I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart" ~ Romans 9:2
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