caralisia
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Reged: 01/14/10
Posts: 5
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My husband wants counseling - WHY?
01/26/10 11:41 AM
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My husband has been going to counseling by himself because I refuse to go. He has gone 6-7x now.
My 6 year marriage took a turn for the worse last summer. We were involved in a domestic dispute where I felt the need to phone 911 (my husband punched me so hard in the face with a closed fist he knocked the shoes off my feet and sent me sailing across the room).
My husband stopped sleeping with me Thanksgiving weekend & moved into our basement rec room where he has been ever since. He bought a new cell phone (put a 4-digit security lock on it) & texts constantly, other women I believe.
A few weeks before XMAS I caught him secretly wrapping a gift of lingerie for another woman. I knew it wasn't for me but decided to wait til the holidays & my birthday were over before confronting him.
We had a fierce conversation re: the lingerie ("loungewear" per my husband) and he admitted he bought the zebra-print chiffon clothing for "a friend". I was devastated and told him counseling was a waste of time but to make sure he told the counselor he was buying gifts for other females.
What got me the most was the fact that my husband never apologized, or made excuses really, just feels like he can run roughshod over me, our marriage vows, etc. without remorse.
Last week my husband asked me to go to counseling with him again. He goes out to bars 4x a week (almost every night) & stays out until 3:30, 4 a.m. consistently. During the week bars close in my area at 2 a.m. & I feel he's out with other women.
About a month ago my husband told me he retained a divorce lawyer, had papers drawn up and I was going to be served in the next few weeks. I just sobbed and said I would agree to a divorce. We have one child, a daughter almost 6 yrs. old.
Last week I caught my husband fooling around with some female in her car about a hundred paces from MY FRONT DOOR. WTH? Windows steamed up, I opened the driver's side door, pulled this woman off my husband's lap & into the driver's seat.
I was shaking her like a rag doll, screaming - I lost my mind. The woman was frightened (also married). I broke down & cried and apologized for getting physical with her. I don't know why I was so angry at her, this was my husband's choice.
After the woman drove off like a bat outta hell my husband made no apologies, had no excuses, he was very matter-of-fact "she's a close friend & we did nothing wrong, we were just talking." When I asked him what they were talking about at 3 a.m. he said "Just talking about what mentally eff'd up person you are." I don't deserve this kind of life.
I am numb. My marriage is over in my eyes, we have many more issues besides these (i.e. - my husband is mentally abusive, uber controlling with money). I cannot see how we can get past these issues.
Yesterday my husband asked me to go to counseling with him yet again (sigh)& I declined. I told my husband to make sure he told the counselor that I yanked a woman off his lap at 3 in the morning and he just laughed. My husband hasn't been straight with me on one thing in the past year (probably longer).
Can anyone give me ONE reason why I should even go to couples counseling? My husband has hurt me so badly over and over. I will never trust him again. How could I? He's very angry that I'm refusing counseling but what good is it doing him? He's obviously not listening to the counselor's advice.
He's gone to several session and this was BEFORE he was caught with another woman. I just think I should divorce and start fresh. I am miserable. I went to a lawyer as well and she told me she thinks my husband never really did file for divorce - he was just blowing smoke.
Am I missing something here? Thoughts/opinions please.
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