Hi, everyone. I hope someone will be able to offer me a new perspective. My parents and friends are convinced I did the right thing by leaving my husband, but I keep going back and forth.
I am 29. We were together for 3 years before getting married. We were married for only two years, but during this time I pretty much had to support him as he went back to school. Throughout our relationship I assumed responsibility for our finances, and I know now that was a mistake.
In general we are complete opposites. I enjoy going out while he likes staying in; I enjoy the city, while he hates it, etc, etc. In addition, I have traits of borderline personality disorder, which make me easily bored and depressed, and prone to lashing out (verbally) when I get angry. All in all, a lot of weekends in the last year of our marriage were spent sleeping, because we never did much together, and were both depressed. And I left when his jealous and vengeful nature made me realize I could be better off alone. We do, however, have the best sexual chemistry.
There is a lot more to the story, but I won't bore you. I had left twice before for a week at a time, and always came back. I left in September and moved in with my parents. I was ok at first, feeling like a weight lifted. But now we spend the night together once every couple of months and talk and text almost daily. Every time I spend time with him, I am left a sobbing mess the next day, because I wonder why could it not work out, because it feels so natural and easy. There are a lot of things I need to forgive, and forgiveness in general is very, very hard for me. I wonder if we could still work it out.
We are both living with our respective parents now, who are wholeheartedly behind the divorce (as are my friends). I even filed for divorce two weeks ago. But I saw him on Fri, and now this haunts me.
My parents got divorced, and I vowed to myself to not repeat their mistake. I don't want to be a divorcee. But I don't want the life we used to have together, either.
So my question is, do you think it is possible for both partners to want to and to try to change enough to not repeat the mistakes of the past? We both are able to blame the other, but I wonder if it is possible to just start anew without all that. And also, if anyone has had the experience of filing and reconsidering. I can't really trust my parents' or friends' opinions, as they know him from the bad times I shared with them. Is this something people going through divorce face, that uncertainty in the light of one of the biggest decisions in their lives? Or does that mean something, like that there is enough love to make it? I don't know... I am afraid to let go someone I am so attracted to, that knows me better than anyone else, that I can joke around and be silly with. I am afraid that this is the love of my life, but how much work is love supposed to be? Also, there is the problem of his parents hating me, and mine not particularly liking him, either, so moving forward would be hard.
I really appreciate any input anyone has for me. I am so happy to have found this forum, because I don't know anyone else in my situation.