NatKat
recently joined
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 4
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Needing some advice/assurance please
08/27/10 03:46 PM
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Some words of wisdom or advice would be very much appreciated from anyone.
I've been seperated for 9 months, went to counselling together and seperatley for 8 months before the split to work on issues. We were married for 21 years (married young-I was 19 yrs old). Our seperation was quite amicible and we still run a thriving business together. I was the one to initiate the split and he made sure the kids were aware of it. To the outside world (including our kids) our marriage was perfect- though that was not reality. My kids blamed me for ruining their "perfect" life and although things are better they still feel bad about my choice.
Our kids are 19 and 17 years old. During our marriage my STBX was very hands off and uninvolved in the kids lives. When we seperated he was the same for the first 7 months. He met a lady about 6 weeks ago and they have progressed rather quickly. I am very happy for him to have found someone, I also have someone I care for.
The issue that is causing me pain is my kids relationship with her now.
First off I need to say that anything or anyone that is positive for my kids is absolutley important to me. I never, ever want them to feel torn between us or to have any negative feelings about anyone in their lives that is positive.
But now they spend alot of time with her and her kids (even w/o my ex being there). My X has alot more money and has been able to do all the fun stuff with them and his gf and her kids that I can't afford.
I try to remind myself that as they grow they will remember all the love and support I gave them through their whole lives but this pain is overwhelming. My youngest called her Mom one day, my oldest spends as much time as possible with her kids. I feel like they are building this new family unit and I feel sad and fearful.
I guess to be honest I am just feeling a bit insecure. I have been in tears the last week and can't seem to work through these jealous feelings. I'm not sure how this will all progress but right now I am finding it so painful.
Any words of wisdom from someone who has been through somehing similar would be very appreciated.
Thanks!
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