My wife and I have been married for almost 3 years, but were together for 4 years prior to that. She has two children (ages 9 and 8) who I've known since they were very young, and I hope to always be a part of their lives. Last summer, a mutual male friend of ours was going through a divorce...I've known him since we were kids but we've never really been 'close' friends, and my wife has been a coworker of his for the past 6 years. It was a strange situation, he got married in April in Mexico, had a wedding reception back home in June, but then moved out in July and filed for divorce. Starting in July, my wife started spending a lot of 'one-on-one' time with him, going for walks, going to concerts, going shopping, etc....I was busy with work and school, so on the nights I had school or homework, she would go do things with him to 'help him get his mind off of things'...I suspected an affair for a while, but she was always defensive and denied everything. In the meantime, my wife was becoming more emotionally distant towards me, so we started going to counseling to figure out what was going wrong with our own marriage, even though I had a feeling that her relationship with the other guy was part of it. Finally one day in November when I was out of town and planted a voice recorder under our bed and got proof that he came over to our house and that they had sex in our bed while I was gone. After I found out, we had an emergency counseling session and my wife agreed to stop seeing and contacting him; about a week or two later, I found that they were still secretly seeing each other and e-mailing and professing their 'love' for one another via e-mail. At that point we separated, and decided to give it 6 months. My wife has consistently told me that the other guy is just a 'friend', but I know they were sleeping together throughout the separation. Memorial Day weekend we had decided to not see each other so we could think about things on our own and decide whether to go forward with divorce, and twice I passed them on the road together in her car, and also saw her car in his driveway at 3 AM...That was the final straw for me, so we filed for divorce in June, and have a court date set for next month.
A few weeks ago, my wife sent me a text that she doesn't think she's ready for divorce, that still loves me but she only went along with divorce because I gave her an ultimatum (either work on things or get divorced) and she wasn't ready to work on things yet. I responded back that we never really got to talk about the affair in counseling and I never got reassurance that it won't happen again, and she blew up at me and brought up everything I ever did wrong during our marriage. We did try some counseling during the separation but it was mainly focusing on the things I did that led her to seek out the affair; we had issues with my family early in our relationship, but I thought they were resolved prior to the affair, and also she wasn't 'attracted' to me anymore. We were just getting to the point of focusing on the affair when Memorial Day hit and I found out they were still together. When she blew up at me a few weeks ago, she said that 'the other guy' was and still is a great friend, a much better friend than me, that she isn't necessarily sleeping with him when they're spending time together but that they're mostly talking about me!
Anyway, our divorce is 5 weeks away, and I'm not sure whether to give things another chance or not...my head says that I've given it long enough, that she hasn't accepted responsibility for the affair and if she hasn't ended it yet that it won't ever end, but my heart is pulling me the other direction. Any advice would be appreciated!!