Thanks in advance for all your support/insight
My wife and I were friends for a couple years in college, and dated for about a year before we were married. We were married for 4.5 years. I come home from a business trip in january and she tells me she wants a divorce, she loves me like a friend, but noting else. She reluctantly goes to marriage counseling once at my request, she is ice the whole time. I find out she had been talking to a guy she had met on an online forum since november. It started with some casual flirting and moved to very explicit conversations. Even through this she never hid the fact that she was married from him, infact she told the new guy I was a great husband, but she wasn't intrested in me "that way" more background.. my wife and I had never been with anyone before we were married, and on our honeymoon we discovered that she had a rare condition that made intercourse painfull, in 4.5 years we had intercourse about 10-12 times. I think thats where the "just frineds" came from. But I was a good husband and stood by here, Ironicly, in december they finally found a cure...I was a bit put out that after standing by her she dumps me after the cure was found (maybe it brought on the end???)
I tried for 2 months to do anything I could to save the marriage, but everything made it worse. She finally moved out last week(back to her parents house), and filed for divorce on monday. I had a very hard time the last two months and had wonderful friends and family support me, and help me deal with all that had happened. I am sad that its over, but realize she is gone for good. It appears the divorce on both sides is sad, not angry. I was angry about the other guy, and getting hit out of the blue, but if she's unhappy, why would i want her to stay? Sure I am sad, and some nights have been restless, but overall I feel like I am missing the deep feeling of loss I read about on here, and dont feel any twinges of anything I would cal "depression". I have been busy with friends and my hobbies, and its been pretty good. I feel Like the whole experience has taught me a lot about myself, things I would change in future relationships, and how I look at the world.
I am sad for the plans we had that will never come to fruition, and wish we could of worked it out, but if thats not happening..why dwell on it? So although I have some low spots in my day(kiddy rollercoaster?), overall I feel like I'm doing well, and searching out new activities/social events and participating in them as time permits. I worry that somehow I'm in some denial or missing somthing thats going to hit me later. I love her, and she and I were fantastic friends (and may be again someday)and we always got along.. so if she's not happy, how can I fault her/want her to stay? She's gotta do whats right for her. I'm still young(29), no stranger to the gym, and consider myself a "good catch" and am not really concerned about finding someone new when the time comes (i'm sure it will, I really enjoyed being married, and hope the next marriage is better for the lessons I have learned.) But I have a nagging feeling like I am feeling "well adjusted" to this too quickly... I am a very logical person (engineer) so the facts tell me that my situation is what it is and deal with it as best as I can. But after reading threads like "5 years, still depressed" ect. I worry that I am missing the boat and am doomed for some big relapse or somthing.. any thoughts?