JohnAnthony
recently joined
Reged: 08/15/11
Posts: 5
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NEED HELP, PLEASE READ, WHAT TO DO
08/15/11 08:15 AM
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So 2 months ago my wife of 15 years tells me she is not happy and that I am too possesive and controlling and insecure and if I cannot change she is not sure she wants to be married to me and maybe we shoudl seperate for now. I instantly go on the defense and wonder what is going on and assume there is someone else, she tells me there is not and its all about me and how I act. After a couple weeks I accept it and start going to a counselor and see how I was and try to start a change. In the mean time we stay in seperate rooms, argue, make up, I try to do the right thing and work as hard as I can on it. After a few more weeks things just get ugly and the fights turn physical and she also said she wants to be happy and is going to do what she wants to make her happy and be selfish and I should figure out what makes me happy. So after the many fights and nights she spent out with her cousin who is going through a divorce, I decide to move out and go stay with parents and friends because I cannot sit there while she is out partying and coming home at early mornig hours.
Last week I had her followed and she went to happy hour after work, no problem, she went to a party at her cousins, no problem, she then went out and went to a sports bar, somewhere she would never go with me, then went to a club, no problem, then here is where it gets bad, she went to a motel, I am not sure with who or to meet who, but my friend said she pulled into a motel and stayed there for 3 hours from 2am until 5am and then went home. I called her, texted her and emailed her the whole time since my friend called me while she was there. I have left for work out of town and she had not responded or answered my calls in 4 days. I am not a fool, i know what happens in motels, I am in shock, upset, angry and my first thought was to file for divorce.
I love this woman and am starting to think I might be able to fogive her, but I have no clue what is going on in her head, I think she always wanted a divorce and maybe was scared to admit it and used the happiness issue as something to get it started. Since she will not speak to me, i am not sure what to do or what she is thinking, i know its only been 4 days, but how long do i wait and what do i do next? Please respond with any ideas, i am lost and miss my wife and i thought i needed to change, but now i think maybe she has had someone else the whole time and just used her happiness as an excuse, i wish she would talk to me so i could ask her what she wants. I think she showed me by her actions, but I want to be 100% sure before I file for divorce, I love my wife and would be willing to work at it if she would, but by her not talking to me, i assume she wants a divorce. Please advise any help or info, someone has to have gone through this before me. I made a commitment 15 years ago and I want to be sure I exhaust every effort before filing for divorce, who knows maybe she will file, but I just don't know what to do.
I can think of no excuse for her to be at a motel and it makes me think she has had someone else the whole time and just used her not being happy anymore as an excuse to get the ball rolling for a seperation to see if this other person is what she wants and have me on the backburner.
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