tink2525
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Reged: 12/27/11
Posts: 2
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Son still unable to move on after 12 years
12/27/11 06:04 PM
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Every year as we approach the end of year holiday season, my 28 year old son gets anxious about the how/when/where holiday parties, dinners, etc. I left his abusive dad 12 years ago, and every holiday season I have to endure my son's angry tirades about how I destroyed his life. He misrepresents a lot of the events that occurred at the time and just makes me out to be the "bad guy", because I was the one who left. He resents having to divide his time between the two of us and wants us all to be able to have holiday celebrations together. In the past it has failed mostly because his dad is resentful and does not show up to dinners or parties even after agreeing that he would come. My son often insists that I should be the one to invite his dad. Last year I agreed to do that, even though I did not feel that it was my place, having divorced him for serious reasons. He never showed up, and this year I told my son that after 12 years his dad needed to be able to move on and that it was not up to me to invite him to holiday events. My son became very irate this year, cursing and screaming at me that he never had a chance to work through things, even though we have talked the subject to death over the past 12 years. Usually it ends in him becoming extremely angry and losing his temper.
I really feel that after 12 years he should find a way to cope with his feelings and learn to move on and leave all the frustration and bitterness behind. He now has a girlfriend with whom he lives and they will eventually get married. He has a bad temper and apparently has screaming matches with her as well. I believe that he has other issues that cause him to blow up like this, but there is no way that I could say that to him. He feels that in order to work things out, everything goes, and everybody should be able to express themselves as they see fit, including cursing, screaming and spewing insults at his mother. It seems to me that he has anger issues that need to be addressed with counseling and/or medication. I have two other adult sons who disagree with his take on the situation, and neither one ever talks to him because he is very cynical and hateful with them.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? Any ideas?
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