My son and his girlfriend, both 19, just had a daughter a week ago. He is a college student and works almost full-time. She hasn't yet graduated from high school. They both live with me, believe it or not, and I live in Ohio.
This is the second time she has decided to live with me. Her step-father is an alcoholic and her mother is co-dependent, there is a lot of chaos in her mother's home, and she doesn't like to abide by the rules set forth in her own parents' home. She also moved in with a friend at one point in time, but the situation become "uncomfortable", so, ultimately, she ended up back with me.
The conflict between our families started when the two of them discovered they were pregnant. Her mother wanted her to lie about where she was living and that the two of them were not together so that she "would receive more food stamps, more WIC, more financial aid for college, etc." Although the mother was receiving housing assistance, food stamps, etc., for her daughter, she hadn't reported it to the agencies and, in fact, wanted to continue to receive these benefits. I, myself, work full-time, I've been with the same employer for 10 years, I make $10.80 an hr, and I receive nothing, even with everyone in my household. I told them both that this was not true. You receive food stamps based on your household size/income, not because you are a single mother. Everyone on WIC receives a set amount unless you have more than one child. And there is a set amount of financial aid you will receive if you are found eligible based on your household size and income. Being a single parent does not give you extra Pell money. Her mother doesn't even have a high school diploma and has never worked! I guess I was angry that she would even think I would believe her lies. At this point in time, the step-father isn't even supposed to be in the household because she doesn't claim him as being there so any income he receives doesn't count against her assistance. I didn't raise my child in that type of environment. I was raised in a working household, I've always worked, and I guess I have something against people who milk the system. I might also add that NONE of the adult children in that household have their drivers' licenses. She has not raised them to be self-sufficient so they can't leave the house so she, in turn, won't lose her assistance.
To make a long story short, although both parents are living with me, I've held the baby a total of maybe 60 minutes in the week that she's been born. Despite the toxic relationship between my granddaughter's mother and her mother, which she even complains about frequently, I'm the "bad guy" and her mother even comes to my home to actually boss my son when it comes to the baby. Most of the time, my son's girlfriend hides in their bedroom with the baby unless I'm out of the apartment or I've gone to bed. Any communication between us ends up with a smart aleck remark from her or some type of threat. She has, in fact, threatened that my son will not see the baby if they break up. She's also threatened on Facebook that "changes will be made" because I ask my son for the baby rather than her. Again, these two live with me ... not her mother! My son has been unhappy in this situation for some time. Each time they fight, he is accused of stepping out on her. The last time he was accused of stepping out on her, she stayed at a friend's while he was home doing homework and watching tv.
I have an appointment with an attorney on Friday. I've thought about telling her to get out since it's evident that she's attempting to use this child to control both my son and me, but I also have to keep my son's feelings in mind. He says that he knows it's not going to work, but he wants the child to know him.
I don't know what I expect to gain here. I guess I just need the support and feedback.