So I am new here. Just looking for somewhere new & supportive on the internet to let something loose. Sorry that this is likely in the wrong section. I went to the 'general divorce' section first but saw it was just a bunch of shopping spambot posts. Thought this one was the next best fit - even if I'm not at the 'life after divorce' phase yet.
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So I'll try to sum this up as succinctly as I can...
1) Wife is 7 years older than me and from a totally different background. We got together when I was 22 and she was 29, had a rocky, dramatic courtship with tons of adventure at the very beginning of the relationship, followed by years of 'should I or shouldn't I' footdragging by me, and then a long dispassionate marriage after that.
2) Once married, she suddenly became obsessed with astrology from out of nowhere, and it is a huge issue between us. Not fighting fighting. Just constant eyerolling and general disrespect for the other's viewpoints (especially when literally every single possible discussion quickly veers to birth times and star charts. I think she's a gullible quack and she thinks I'm willingly closed-minded to the truths of the universe).
3) 15 total years together. I was with her for 7 years as a BF, we got married & pregnant (not in that order), had 2 kids, but were always kind of unhappy with one another. Sexless marriage soon followed. I think we had sex 2 times in 6 years and got 2 kids out of it. I masturbated a lot in secret. So did she. It was pretty lame on all parts.
4) On new years 2011 I discovered that she'd been cheating on me with a semi-pro El Salvadorean soccer player for a couple of months (I swear that reads like a bad sitcom script, right?) I freaked out, and within the month, I'd moved into my own place. We've since been splitting the kids 50/50 - 3 days at my place, 3 days at hers, and 1 day split day. Lots of anger & fingerpointing initially, but eventually we realized our lives as separated parents have been great & stable, and all of the little annoying personal issues between us are no longer there. We're finding we're good parents as long as we're not together.
5) But it's not a situation that's good for our kids (now 5 & 7). We need to * * * * or get off the pot with this divorce thing, but neither of us can move forward. Despite everything, I'm still there for her when she needs something fixed, and she's still there for me if I am ever in a pinch. She's not with the soccer guy and hasn't been for a while, but the things she hates about me are still there. And I've forgiven her for cheating & I've taken on my share of the blame for the state our relationship was in that set the stage for it, but I also feel like I realized we're not right for each other & that I don't really want to be with her anyway -- even if she HAD fully accepted all blame and tried to grovel on the floor for me to stay or whatever.
6) And now to top it all off, I've found myself flirting with an exceptionally hot single mom from my son's kindergarden class. And I am feeling super guilty and terrible about it, and am freaking out about some pretty harmless flirting just because I can tell the POSSIBILITY is there for something with another girl. I haven't flirted with or felt anything for a girl in over a decade. I don't want to do anything wrong, and I don't want to make a sticky situation even stickier, but on the other hand I find myself really struggling with this. This woman knows my situation (wife and I are not hiding our separation from anyone) and she seems like just a nice, fun, understanding girl who I'd probably be able to like go out to dinner with or have a drink with or who knows maybe she'll even bat her eyelashes at me and giggle at my stupid jokes, etc. How great would that be? But I'm still technically a married man... and this woman's son is friends with my son. I am not out looking to get laid, but I really would LOVE some human female companionship and don't want to let a possible connection pass me by.
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Alright, I can't seem to wrap this up with a solid, coherent single question. Just hoping someone might look this over and give me your [censored] amateur psychoanalysis. * * * should I do? And how!?
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