KDogg
journeyman
Reged: 01/02/05
Posts: 96
Loc: West Virginia
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Update from When To Call It Quits
01/22/05 10:47 PM
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After a couple of weeks of merely coexisting and a few short-lived "discussions", my wife finally wanted to talk about things.
It all started last night when I was writing a letter. I wouldn't tell her who it was to when she asked, so later she asked me which one I wanted - her or my Ex. Flustered at such a suggestion I responded with "Neither one of ya" and went to sleep.
So today she wanted to talk. She apologized for her mistakes and messing around and said that she would work on that and not do it anymore. I asked her why she always accused me of messing around when she was the one actually doing it, but never got a straight answer. She apologized for being jealous of me talking to my Ex - even though we have a kid together - saying it was because she knows how Ex is. I asked her to explain the times she accused me of messing around when I was at school or on a school trip, but again, no straight answer.
Things led into a discussion about trust I told her that for whatever reason she couldn't trust me even though she knew I wasn't doing anything wrong, and that there was no way I could trust her again with all the wrongs she has done over the duration of our relationship.
Sensing that she could get nowhere on these topics, she then dragged in stuff about feeling like a slave in our apartment since she's the only one who ever does anything. But then she turned around and admitted to sitting around and watching too much tv and nothing getting done, and I told her that's why I stopped doing anything. I mean, I would go to work or school for several hours a day, then come home to find the same ol' mess from the morning still there, with more added to it. Occasionally things were done, but nothing significant.
Then it was on to how I did this or that with the kids, or how I would treat one better than the other at times. Her main reference here was that sometimes I would pay more attention to my daughter who I only see every couple of weeks, and although I tried to explain it to her that I only see her 48 hours every two weeks and the others are here 24/7 she never got the point.
Anyway, there wasn't any argument to the deal, simply some discussion on the various topics. She says she doesn't want our marriage to end and that she will work on the problems she has. I told her we had been through this so many times before and nothing ever came of it, and she implied that I never worked on my so-called problems from before.
So now what? I know this is a decision that I will have to make for myself, but for now some input would really give me something to think about. Off the top of my head I can think of five people she has talked to over the years about getting with them, and I have no idea how many she has followed through with or how many others there might be.
Does the trust ever return? I mean, sure, I can say "ok, let's work this out" but it will always be in the back of my head "well, I wonder who's there today..." How many times can one man put up with his wife's extra-curricular activities? A mistake is a mistake and one is bad enough, but the same one over and over... is that a mistake?
Ok, I'm starting to ramble... sorry about the length. I need a vacation...
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KDogg
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