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#102 - 06/07/04 12:25 AM Need some advice
Gabrea Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/06/04
Posts: 3
Loc: Land of Lincoln
I'm at the end of my rope here. My X is driving me crazy.
He keeps asking for more and more time w/ the kids. Which is ok and all, but it's getting to be where he wants the kids almost EVERYDAY! The CO says he gets EOW.
Does anyone have a similar problem, and what do I say to make it stop w/o seeming like I don't want him to see the kids. I do want him to, but I'd like to see them too! [color:blue] [/color]

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#103 - 06/07/04 05:20 AM Re: Need some advice [Re: Gabrea]
Melody Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
Is there some reason why seeing the kids every day is a problem? My understanding is that the court order is merely a minimum of time which the NCP must receive. There is no requirement that it be the ONLY time the NCP receives. I guess I would have to know how this is affecting you or the kids in an adverse way in order to offer advice. Can you elaborate? Is he coming over unannounced? Does he not allow you to have privacy for your own life?

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#104 - 06/07/04 05:25 AM Re: Need some advice [Re: Gabrea]
Eric Offline
old hand

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 807
Loc: USA
I'd be at the end of my rope, too in these circumstances.

Apparently, you both need as much time with the children as possible and that a new parenting plan needs to be implemented to accommodate BOTH of you.

Obviously, EOW is not good for either of you and especially the children.

There are several parenting plans on the www.FIRMncp.com site in the FAQ's that you can use as is or modify to your particular needs. I suggest that you be as nice as you were in your post with him and show him a couple of plans that you think may give you both equal time with the children.

You may want to read the www.DivorceAsFriends.com website to get ideas on how to communicate without pushing known "hot buttons." You don't have to buy the book to get some great ideas from the site.

Good luck,

Eric
www.FIRMncp.com
_________________________
Equality is not a difficult concept

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#105 - 06/07/04 06:29 AM Re: Need some advice [Re: Eric]
M5K Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 21
Loc: TN
Eric gave some pretty sound advice. I've never encountered anything like this myself, but I would definitely give Eric's advice a great deal of thought. I agree that children need both parents equally as much in order for them to have a healthy childhood (barring abuse of course). I can also see how it may be infringing upon your time with the children, so definitely check out those parenting plans. You want to do what is in the best interest of the children; not you or your ex.

Good luck and God bless!!
_________________________
~*M5*~

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#106 - 06/08/04 04:22 AM Re: Need some advice [Re: Gabrea]
Godisawesome Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/08/04
Posts: 3
Eric had some great advice for you. I currently have parenting plans for my children and I personally could not live without it. It is too difficult to try and juggle everyone's schedule invovled for me to just fly by the seat of my pants. Approach of the subject is important and you both need to be in agreement as to time sharing with the kids. Depending on the age of the children will depend on the time sharing arrangements. Your state should have guidelines for a time sharing agreement and you can modify it according to the childrens needs as well as the parents. This is actually a very healthy thing to do. Children need structure and this will be a good tool for both parents to have time sharing equally. The more information you can obtain prior to approaching the other parent the better. Let me know how it turns out. Remember open communication with the childrens best interest is the key. :cool:

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#107 - 06/08/04 08:58 PM Re: Need some advice [Re: Gabrea]
Gabrea Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/06/04
Posts: 3
Loc: Land of Lincoln
In the past 3 weeks my kids have spent the night here twice. I realize the CO is a minimum. We rarely go by it anyway.
I have a rather large family (9 kids total) and routine is a must if things are going to run smoothly. Ever since school has let out he is always calling and asking if they can stay one more night or 2 or 3. It's to the point now where I can't plan or count on anything b/c I don't know who will be where doing what the next day.
I don't want to be the jerk. I have to say that my X and I have done very well for X's. We are smart enough to know that it's about the kids.
I guess the CO does need revising. Thanks for that advice.

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#108 - 06/08/04 09:45 PM Re: Need some advice [Re: Melody]
Maury Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 8182
Loc: This Asylum --->
The answer is simple. Do what is in the best interests of your children. If that means more time with the other parent, that is the answer. If not, abide by the schedule set in the Court Order.

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#109 - 06/09/04 04:29 AM How about this? [Re: Gabrea]
Melody Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
You could sit down with your calendar and block out some dates that you absolutely do not agree to schedule changes in order to solidify your time with the children. You have 9 kids? Are they all between you and the ex? Either way, there must either be a large age range, or some blending which adds even more scheduling problems. You really do have some entitlement to time with your kids that is yours too.

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#110 - 06/09/04 11:29 PM Re: How about this? [Re: Melody]
Gabrea Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/06/04
Posts: 3
Loc: Land of Lincoln
I have 3 Skids. 4 kids w/ the X and twins w/ my current H. Lord only knows why me! LOL:)
I have been getting the feeling that he is asking for all this time b/c he is planning on fighting for full custody. I'm not going to even go into the reasons why, but I am sure of one thing, it's to hurt me.
I want him to have time w/ his kids. I just my time too. But when he keeps calling and asking to keep them longer and more often it makes it impossible.
I don't want the kids to think I don't want them to have time w/ their dad. I am also not a good person to say no.
I called him last night for a little chat. Unfortunately got the GF, she said he was busy and she'd leave him a message. He never called back. So I will try again later tonite. Before the kids are done at the pool.

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#111 - 06/10/04 06:01 AM well, I do feel you need to assert yourself a bit [Re: Gabrea]
Melody Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
The kids should definitely have a relationship with their dad. And without compelling reasons, the visitation order is only a minimum...you can agree to greater times. However, you are entitled to your time as well, and perhaps you are going to have to iron things out a bit. I would be tempted to use the argument that with the sheer numbers of children you have in your life, you really need to have a set schedule and follow it. Are there circumstances which would support a change of custody to your ex? He can always ask to change custody, but a court isn't likely to change things without good reasons.

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