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#11783 - 04/11/05 06:19 AM Abuse???!!
lastnerve Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/17/04
Posts: 22
Here's the situation...I have been going through ten times worse than War of The Roses divorce for almost two years in Arizona. STBX is surgeon with unlimited $ I am stay at home mom capable of earning limited income. We have six and seven year old daughters who have informed me and custody evaluator that dad started taking naked pictures of them (after showers, while changing clothes, etc) shortly after I moved out of the marital home. The girls did not tell me what was going on until about a year and a half after it began. He has a good attorney, and after this was brought up in court, the Judge admonished STBX not to take any more naked pictures and returned the girls to joint custody arrangement. Girls were sleeping in dad's bed, but after custody evaluator said to stop, dad started sleeping in the girls' beds. Dad is addicted to porn, and is emotionally and verbally abusive. Seven year old has always been timid, but has recently started to be extremely fearful of almost everything, including going to sleep at night. I have asked both of the girls if there is anything going on at their dad's house, and both girls have denied everything. I don't know what to do. I don't want for there to be any abuse happening, but what if there is? ANY insight would be helpful. Thanks.

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#11784 - 04/11/05 04:00 PM Re: Abuse???!! [Re: lastnerve]
xmen Offline
recently joined

Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 18
This situation can be aweful. Make sure you make the girls feel comfortable to talk to you in an event something do happen. I don't know what to say besides I'm speechless at why a father will take naked pic of his daughters. Why did you leave without your daughters? What state?

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#11785 - 04/11/05 07:38 PM Re: Abuse???!! [Re: xmen]
lastnerve Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/17/04
Posts: 22
I took the kids with me, but we have joint custody now. I'm in AZ

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#11786 - 04/11/05 09:59 PM Re: Abuse???!! [Re: lastnerve]
sugarb Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 12/17/04
Posts: 375
Loc: In the Heartland on America
I've taken pix of my son's in the bathtub since they were little babies. My sons crawl in bed with me at night from time to time, as well. If you really suspect abuse, leave the diagnosis to a professional trained to make it. Take the kids to a doctor or psychologist.

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#11787 - 04/11/05 10:01 PM Re: Abuse???!! [Re: lastnerve]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Some things you can try is to get the girls to a counselor/therapist on your time. If something comes out there, it could help to get him pulled from joint parenting and placed under supervision. You could also contact an abuse hotline to get some tips on how to handle it. And CPS could also be contacted to check on the situation in his home. However, if nothing is going on, that can backfire on you, and whether something is going on or not, he could also have CPS check you out, so be prepared.
_________________________
Char Fox

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#11788 - 04/13/05 05:16 PM Re: Abuse???!! [Re: lastnerve]
overtherainbow Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/23/04
Posts: 268
Loc: New England
Abuse??? Well little kids sometimes have a tendency to run half naked around the house especially after a bath. Are you sure this is not a trumped up charge to deny your stbx contact with your children because you are angry or jealous?? This is now a very common accusation by vindictive mothers these days and it gets judges very suspicious and angry and they will put you through hell and high water to prove it. If they find out you are lying you could lose custody totally . Don't go there unless you know when you were living toghether that he abused your children. Tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Put yours kids mental health first. They need to see both parents no matter how you feel about him. Work out custody and visitation for your childrens benefit.

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#11789 - 04/13/05 06:20 PM Re: Abuse???!! [Re: overtherainbow]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
In this case, coupled with a porn addiction, verbal abuse, being told to stop having them sleep in his bed so he finds a loophole by sleeping in their bed...I'd say there's plenty that points to a high probability that it's not just girls running around without clothes after getting out of the shower.
_________________________
Char Fox

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#11790 - 04/14/05 03:15 AM Re: Abuse???!! [Re: almostheaven]
overtherainbow Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/23/04
Posts: 268
Loc: New England
I'm just saying be careful and do not lead the witness or let an evaluator lead the witness. A little kid jumping in bed with his parent on a Sunday Am --does not necessarily make the Dad a child molestor. I'm just saying if it isn't true about the molestation charges it could backfire on you in a very big way--because only a Cretan would accuse an innocent Dad of molesting his children. I have no idea if she is telling the truth --But War of the Roses divorce sounds pretty nasty to me. A very skilled child psychotherapist could find out the truth.

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#11791 - 04/16/05 05:23 PM Re: Abuse???!! [Re: almostheaven]
Gecko Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 20602
Loc: Third rock from the sun
In this case, coupled with a porn addiction, verbal abuse, being told to stop having them sleep in his bed so he finds a loophole by sleeping in their bed...I'd say there's plenty that points to a high probability that it's not just girls running around without clothes after getting out of the shower.

---> Not necessarily.

---> First of all, there have been many "discussions" over the years on DS on what is "porn". For some...it's Playboy, or it can be Oui and Hustler and yet for others, it only stuff you can find at your local "adult" store.

---> And let's not forget that the "standards" of "acceptable behavior" for "divorced" parents are different than for parents of "intact" families. And those "standards" for "divorced" parents are also different for mom vs dad.

---> As parents in an "intact" family...we are allowed to question our children; it's "ok" if our young children crawl into bed with us when they are ill or scared or lonely and "ok" if we crawl into bed with them when they are ill or scared or lonely; it's also "ok" if we take "casual" pictures of them.

---> But then we get divorced and suddenly, what once was is no more. We are afraid to question our children for fear we will be accused of being "nosey" or "controlling"; a father taking pictures of his young daughter playing "topless" in the backyard or of "sleeping" with her can be accused of being a "pedifile", while no one thinks twice if it is the mother. Along the same lines...if a four-year-old boy tells his mother that it itches between his legs, no one thinks anything of it if Mom checks, but if a four-year-old girl tell her father thit it itches between her legs, he is expected to have another female check or be "suspect".

---> Before ANYONE defends or condems, I think it behooves us to find out EXACTLY what the ALLEDGED actions are.

---> Let's start with the pictures. According to the poster, the picture taking started after she left the marital home...approximately two years ago when the girls were four and five. Questions: Were so-called "naked" pictures of the girls taken BEFORE you all separated? Were these the only "kind" of pictures your ex-husband took of the children? Have you taken any so-called "naked" pictures yourself?

---> Sleeping with the children. Did the children ever sleep with you all BEFORE the divorce? Did either your or your ex-husband every sleep with the children BEFORE the divorce? Have you ever had the children sleep in your bed SINCE the separation/divorce? Have you even slept in the children's beds SINCE the separation/divorce?

---> Porn addiction. What kind of "porn" are we talking about?

---> Sorry...gotta go.
_________________________
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

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#11792 - 05/18/05 06:45 PM Re: Abuse???!! [Re: lastnerve]
prginocx Offline
journeyman

Registered: 01/13/05
Posts: 86
Just another example of a gold digger whose plan has gone awry. Now she is playing the trump card. Next will be allegations of physical abuse.

Of course the guy holds down a high powered professional job, but no one knows he really is a scumbag with a porn addiction. Yeah, right.

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