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#187 - 06/09/04 02:24 AM I am in the midst of a semi civil divorce
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
I have requsted that the papers read equal rights to decisions for my son regarding such things as invasive procedures, legal issues etc.... I was informed tonight that his attorney stated that if he was to rewrite the papers that he would not and would take it to court. He has an attorney, I do not. I do not want to make it difficult but do want equal rights. Am I asking too much. Neither of us is to pay child support, he has the primary residence. He is paying my vehicle payment and I am paying nothing. I did state that I would pay child support if so needed. I think this is a scare tactic but not sure how to proceed. I also asked for a general denial in lieu of a paper that gave me no rights to be notified of the court dates etc. I have not received that either. Any suggestions? He has access to funds to fight this and I do not. Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you.

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#188 - 06/09/04 02:34 AM I HOPE I misread this, or it was a typo... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
You are not paying ANY child support, and he is making your CAR payment, yet you want decision making power for the child? Well, if this is what is happening, then I am afraid that you need to wake up and smell the coffee. If this gets into a court, yes, you will most likely get joint custody, as any fit parent SHOULD have, but you will also be ordered to pay child support. Oh, and you can most likely kiss either the CAR, or his making the PAYMENT goodbye.

My suggestion is to offer 50/50 custody, with no support (OR car payments) from either
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#189 - 06/09/04 02:45 AM Re: I HOPE I misread this, or it was a typo... [Re: gr8Dad]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
This was started out as a divorce in the best interest of our son. He threatened to take my son away because I am on antidepressants due to recovering from cancer. This, I understand, is abuse. I did not ask for him to make my payment on my vehicle, he demanded that. As for child support, I have offered to pay, but I also know that due to the fact that we have been married over 10 years I have a right to spousal support. He has taken my medication from me in the past, documented with my doctor. I was never questioned as to being a good mom previously. All that I ask is for equal decision making in my son's life. I gave him everything in the marriage except my personal belongings. I also do not want to sign off rights to appear and be notified of court hearings etc. I do not think I am asking for much really. My son is caught in the middle and I do not want him to become the "pawn" in this issue and will not allow this to happen but after raising him for the past 9 years I feel that I should be allowed to make decisions without his consent as he is.

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#190 - 06/09/04 03:00 AM Re: I HOPE I misread this, or it was a typo... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
You want to be able to make decisions about the child without his consent? And you feel that is reasonable. But he wants to make decisions without YOUR consent, and it ISN'T reasonable? If I misread that, please explain.

What is your visitation schedule like, how often do you see the child?
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#191 - 06/09/04 03:11 AM Re: I HOPE I misread this, or it was a typo... [Re: gr8Dad]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
No, I feel that we should both have the same right about the decisions. We do talk and are friendly with it. I just want to be covered if he changes his attitude as I feel he wants to be covered if I change also. We do, right now, make joint decisions but who is to say what will happen in the future. I just feel that it is my right as a mother, just as it is his right as a father, to make the decisions if needed. Also, the threat factor of his attorney is unjust and pressuring and threatening. I could go in and fight for custody of my son etc.. but have chosen to give him the opportunity to be primary care giver due to his past with loosing his other two sons previously. Why should I have to have his consent for decisions and he not have mine? I see my son every night that he will let me and on at least one night of the weekend and him the other. I realize that he is paying out more than I am but also consider that he is making 3X the amount of money that I am. I would not have left if he had not demanded that I cease my medication. I understand that I have rights regarding his threat also but do not want to push it and fight. I only want what is fair in the raising of our son. I will never be able to have any more children and this is due to him also. So there is some animosity there but trying to put that aside. Would you not want the same for yourself?

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#192 - 06/09/04 03:32 AM A few questions... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
First, did he give any REASONS for wanting you to stop your meds? Also, what did he do to cause you to not be able to have any more children? I only ask because you made no mention of physical abuse.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#193 - 06/09/04 03:46 AM Re: A few questions... [Re: gr8Dad]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
The med I take at night works to help me sleep, increases my hunger factor and is and anti depressant, so it makes me groggy. I am still able to function. The abuse was not physical, I was not allowed to have friends, had to know where I was at at all times, silent treatment etc. As for the children, he is 18 years older and wanted no more children, refused a vasectomy and refused physical contact until we were sure we could not conceive. Petty things that just added up. Our son was never harmed, put in jeporady, never attended to. He did not like my job and made that point clear. We lost communication. Sad thing but it happened. Everyone else around me comments how much happier I was and how much more relaxed and not uptight I was. He also used illegal drugs when my son was at home, although not in front of him. So it is a long story but I do know that he will provide well for my son and I am paying for daycare every other week, giving him money for support, in form of a check of course. It is a mineute point I am asking for but feel that I am being bullied. I do not mean to sound self centered. He does call and want to talk to our son numerous times when I have him, has sent him to stay with his niece on my visitation, I have been flexible so I sort of expect some in return. I guess that I will have to get an attorney and go forward or give up some of my rights....

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#194 - 06/09/04 03:57 AM I don't understand... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
If there was no physical abuse, what did he do to cause you to not be able to have anymore children?
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#195 - 06/09/04 04:00 AM Re: I don't understand... [Re: gr8Dad]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
Refused intimate contact until the matter was resolved.

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#196 - 06/09/04 04:07 AM Re: I don't understand... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
How does refusing intimate contact stop you from having children? Color me dense, but that makes no sense...(hey, a rhyme)
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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