Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#187 - 06/09/04 02:24 AM I am in the midst of a semi civil divorce
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
I have requsted that the papers read equal rights to decisions for my son regarding such things as invasive procedures, legal issues etc.... I was informed tonight that his attorney stated that if he was to rewrite the papers that he would not and would take it to court. He has an attorney, I do not. I do not want to make it difficult but do want equal rights. Am I asking too much. Neither of us is to pay child support, he has the primary residence. He is paying my vehicle payment and I am paying nothing. I did state that I would pay child support if so needed. I think this is a scare tactic but not sure how to proceed. I also asked for a general denial in lieu of a paper that gave me no rights to be notified of the court dates etc. I have not received that either. Any suggestions? He has access to funds to fight this and I do not. Any help would be appreciated.
Thank you.

Top
#188 - 06/09/04 02:34 AM I HOPE I misread this, or it was a typo... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
You are not paying ANY child support, and he is making your CAR payment, yet you want decision making power for the child? Well, if this is what is happening, then I am afraid that you need to wake up and smell the coffee. If this gets into a court, yes, you will most likely get joint custody, as any fit parent SHOULD have, but you will also be ordered to pay child support. Oh, and you can most likely kiss either the CAR, or his making the PAYMENT goodbye.

My suggestion is to offer 50/50 custody, with no support (OR car payments) from either
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

Top
#189 - 06/09/04 02:45 AM Re: I HOPE I misread this, or it was a typo... [Re: gr8Dad]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
This was started out as a divorce in the best interest of our son. He threatened to take my son away because I am on antidepressants due to recovering from cancer. This, I understand, is abuse. I did not ask for him to make my payment on my vehicle, he demanded that. As for child support, I have offered to pay, but I also know that due to the fact that we have been married over 10 years I have a right to spousal support. He has taken my medication from me in the past, documented with my doctor. I was never questioned as to being a good mom previously. All that I ask is for equal decision making in my son's life. I gave him everything in the marriage except my personal belongings. I also do not want to sign off rights to appear and be notified of court hearings etc. I do not think I am asking for much really. My son is caught in the middle and I do not want him to become the "pawn" in this issue and will not allow this to happen but after raising him for the past 9 years I feel that I should be allowed to make decisions without his consent as he is.

Top
#190 - 06/09/04 03:00 AM Re: I HOPE I misread this, or it was a typo... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
You want to be able to make decisions about the child without his consent? And you feel that is reasonable. But he wants to make decisions without YOUR consent, and it ISN'T reasonable? If I misread that, please explain.

What is your visitation schedule like, how often do you see the child?
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

Top
#191 - 06/09/04 03:11 AM Re: I HOPE I misread this, or it was a typo... [Re: gr8Dad]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
No, I feel that we should both have the same right about the decisions. We do talk and are friendly with it. I just want to be covered if he changes his attitude as I feel he wants to be covered if I change also. We do, right now, make joint decisions but who is to say what will happen in the future. I just feel that it is my right as a mother, just as it is his right as a father, to make the decisions if needed. Also, the threat factor of his attorney is unjust and pressuring and threatening. I could go in and fight for custody of my son etc.. but have chosen to give him the opportunity to be primary care giver due to his past with loosing his other two sons previously. Why should I have to have his consent for decisions and he not have mine? I see my son every night that he will let me and on at least one night of the weekend and him the other. I realize that he is paying out more than I am but also consider that he is making 3X the amount of money that I am. I would not have left if he had not demanded that I cease my medication. I understand that I have rights regarding his threat also but do not want to push it and fight. I only want what is fair in the raising of our son. I will never be able to have any more children and this is due to him also. So there is some animosity there but trying to put that aside. Would you not want the same for yourself?

Top
#192 - 06/09/04 03:32 AM A few questions... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
First, did he give any REASONS for wanting you to stop your meds? Also, what did he do to cause you to not be able to have any more children? I only ask because you made no mention of physical abuse.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

Top
#193 - 06/09/04 03:46 AM Re: A few questions... [Re: gr8Dad]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
The med I take at night works to help me sleep, increases my hunger factor and is and anti depressant, so it makes me groggy. I am still able to function. The abuse was not physical, I was not allowed to have friends, had to know where I was at at all times, silent treatment etc. As for the children, he is 18 years older and wanted no more children, refused a vasectomy and refused physical contact until we were sure we could not conceive. Petty things that just added up. Our son was never harmed, put in jeporady, never attended to. He did not like my job and made that point clear. We lost communication. Sad thing but it happened. Everyone else around me comments how much happier I was and how much more relaxed and not uptight I was. He also used illegal drugs when my son was at home, although not in front of him. So it is a long story but I do know that he will provide well for my son and I am paying for daycare every other week, giving him money for support, in form of a check of course. It is a mineute point I am asking for but feel that I am being bullied. I do not mean to sound self centered. He does call and want to talk to our son numerous times when I have him, has sent him to stay with his niece on my visitation, I have been flexible so I sort of expect some in return. I guess that I will have to get an attorney and go forward or give up some of my rights....

Top
#194 - 06/09/04 03:57 AM I don't understand... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
If there was no physical abuse, what did he do to cause you to not be able to have anymore children?
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

Top
#195 - 06/09/04 04:00 AM Re: I don't understand... [Re: gr8Dad]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
Refused intimate contact until the matter was resolved.

Top
#196 - 06/09/04 04:07 AM Re: I don't understand... [Re: Stacey]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
How does refusing intimate contact stop you from having children? Color me dense, but that makes no sense...(hey, a rhyme)
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

Top
#197 - 06/09/04 04:40 AM You know where babies come from, right? [Re: gr8Dad]
Melody Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
ya kinda have to have the intimate contact, I believe.

Top
#198 - 06/09/04 06:15 AM Re: You know where babies come from, right? [Re: Melody]
Shyrider Offline
newbie

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 44
She may not want to speak of the details gr8dad, as this *is* a public board, but from what I gathered, he refused intimate contact for a long duration, she has now went through cancer, (which could very well be the reason she cannot have any more children), but from the sounds of it, he asked for her to have a tubal ligation. She said, "As for the children, he is 18 years older and wanted no more children, refused a vasectomy and refused physical contact until we were sure we could not conceive. "

Regardless of what the personal details are, it shouldn't matter. Asking to have equal rights to decisionmaking is perfectly acceptable, and should be the norm.

Top
#199 - 06/09/04 10:14 AM Re: You know where babies come from, right? [Re: Shyrider]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
Thank you for understanding. That is the case. So, any suggestions as to how to proceed? Do I fight or give in and take the stipulations until final orders? Also, there is no waiver as far as I can see but again, they did not supply a General Denial as I requested so that I may respond? Any help or advise would be appreciated. Thanks.

Top
#200 - 06/09/04 03:24 PM Re: I am in the midst of a semi civil divorce [Re: Stacey]
Maury Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 8182
Loc: This Asylum --->
What you are asking for in terms of language is redundant if you share joint legal custody. That encompasses all of the things that you recite and more. That is the mpost likely reason that the attorney will not revise the papers in that regard.

Top
#201 - 06/09/04 09:37 PM I read it this way... [Re: Maury]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
She wants joint custody, which is right and fair. But then she posts, "I feel that I should be allowed to make decisions without his consent as he is." So it SEEMS, to me, and I could be wrong, that she wants to be able have the child treated witout Dad's input, but she doesn't want DAD to be able to treat the child without HER input. If I am reading this wrong, I apologize in advance.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

Top
#202 - 06/10/04 12:48 AM Re: I read it this way... [Re: gr8Dad]
Shyrider Offline
newbie

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 44
She already answered you on this once, gr8dad. She said:

"No, I feel that we should both have the same right about the decisions."

I don't know how much clearer that can be.

Top
#203 - 06/10/04 01:34 AM Exactly... [Re: Shyrider]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
She doesn't want to have to contact him to have these things done. But I believe her MAIN concern in the post that started this thread was that he was asking to have put in there that he didn't have to contact HER about having these things done. And THAT was a problem for her, as she felt she should be contacted and consulted. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

Top
#204 - 06/10/04 05:40 AM Re: Exactly... [Re: gr8Dad]
Shyrider Offline
newbie

Registered: 05/29/04
Posts: 44
Exactly ..... she is asking for complete equalization in decisionmaking. Really not that difficult to understand.

Top
#205 - 06/10/04 08:26 AM Re: Exactly... [Re: Shyrider]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
That is correct, I feel we should at least have to consult each other equally. Not just him or me. Either we both have to make the decisions equally together or each have the same rights to make decisions apart. I don't feel this is too much to ask. Granted, as of now we are both making them together, but leary of the future. Not trying to be hard about this, but he is my child as much as he is his. There was no problem with this happening in the last 9 years of his life, why different now? I have done nothing to loose this right, just as he hasn't. Also questioning his motive, or is it the attorney's motive? Not sure.

Top
#206 - 06/13/04 05:20 PM Re: Exactly... [Re: Stacey]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
Newest info, found out papers read that I waive my rights to notice of any further court appearances or dates. I will have to leave the guardianship as it is to keep from a lenghty battle, but will change the wording of the waiver of rights and will send letter to the judge and clerk and attorney and ex. Luckily found an attorney to review for free. His attorney is pushing for all for him and nothing on me. Do not know what he has told atty. to this point but will find out soon. Thanks all for your support and input.

Top
#207 - 06/23/04 08:52 AM Re: Exactly... [Re: Stacey]
Stacey Offline
recently joined

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 9
Ok, another question. I see that there is a Pre Trial and a date for MERITS....anyone know what that means? I need to be at both, is that correct?

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >

Moderator:  dsAdmin 


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: