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#228049 - 05/10/07 08:54 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
[quote]Hi everyone. The last 2 weekends my ex has called and left messages on my voicemail saying "If you want (son) to eat anything this weekend you need to bring it because I don't have anything here." So I provided him with meals for the weekend, but it bothers me because he got a huge tattoo the week before. I also have to bring his clothes, but that's not a big deal. How should I handle this? Thanks. [/quote]

I am confused. He called two weeknd(s) and you send food for one weekend. Thats how it reads.
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#228050 - 05/10/07 10:19 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
tsl Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
BHDT...

And you're in a catch 22...you don't want to send food as you feel it is HIS responsibility and if he can NOT afford enough food for the weekend then he shouldn't be getting kid(s).

yet, you don't want your kid(s) to starve...you want them to be able to eat.

What do u do???

What I did, initially I asked him what was going on?? ie: loose job? unplanned medical bills?? Etc? I agreed to help ONLY temporarily. I would send 1 box of our healthy cereal, gallon of milk, some kool-aid mix, fruit, veges, meat, some snack food too...enough to get son (and that family which included another older child who's mom wouldn't send food, X, his GF and their baby...yes, I purchased formula and diapers for the baby)

However, just like everything and everyone else in his life (X's) he took advantage of it. I informed him once that this would be last time I would provide food. He would have to work something out as to how to get food for them. If he couldn't afford it I will send son after breakfast, pack a lunch for him and have him home at dinner (per my attorney). He could still get son on his weekends, just that he would have to bring him home to eat. he did that for a while. There were times when he would go out to his mom's and granny's to eat (and NOT take son!)...

It got to the point he would take son for a few hours and then not get him after bringing him home. He has dropped out again.
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#228051 - 05/10/07 10:37 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
Of course, it is better to let the child go hungry in order to prove a point.
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#228052 - 05/10/07 11:14 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: Relayer]
jil_stevens Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
Yes, it is frustrating...we frequently have to provide food for SS when he is at his mom's. But we send it...we don't want him going hungry. Generally, we send dinner, a snack, and breakfast (she parties a lot, so never gets him before lunch). She makes good money, so we figure that gives her time to get to the store. Generally, she just brings him back to us before the next meal which is fine with us, too.

For 50/50 custody, we have him about 95% of the time.

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#228053 - 05/10/07 11:31 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: jil_stevens]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
[quote]Yes, it is frustrating...we frequently have to provide food for SS when he is at his mom's. But we send it...we don't want him going hungry. Generally, we send dinner, a snack, and breakfast (she parties a lot, so never gets him before lunch). She makes good money, so we figure that gives her time to get to the store. Generally, she just brings him back to us before the next meal which is fine with us, too.

For 50/50 custody, we have him about 95% of the time. [/quote]

Well, at least you know that is eating and WHAT he is eating. That's important too.
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#228054 - 05/10/07 11:45 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: Relayer]
jil_stevens Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
Exactly...and he's ten. He usually chooses pop tarts and a can of soup, some fruit snacks, etc. So what, $3.00 worth of food? We can afford it...

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#228055 - 05/11/07 12:09 AM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
NancyD Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2111
Loc: New York
Since my ex never eats breakfast, there was never anything in his home for our kids to eat in the morning. And ex doesn't get up until sometime in the afternoon. So I would have to send little boxes of cereal with the kids so they had something semi-nutricious before 3 PM.

They thought it was cool, and I didn't mind that too much. But if I had to send a whole weekend's worth of food, I would have objected strongly.

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#228056 - 05/11/07 12:24 AM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
focusedon2 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
If this was something unusual - like he just lost a job AND he doesn't make being out of work a habit - I would help out and send the food.

If I thought my ex thought I was suppose to provide for him then I would tell him that I would be glad to keep the children at home.

You can't have it both ways (1) I'm just as good a parent and deserve the time to parent my kids AND (2) I'm going to rely on my ex to provide for my children and me, just like I was her child #2.

I'm sure any judge would agree (and CPS as well) that an absolutely essential part of parenting is providing food. If he can't do that, he can't parent.

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#228057 - 05/11/07 02:15 AM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: focusedon2]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
X wants me to provide food. He doesn't do food or diapers. Why not? He doesn't have time to shop and doesn't like going to the store with the kids.

I have the kids 90% of the time. I wonder why he doesn't have time to shop? I finally put my foot down. I won't provide diapers or food. If he wants to see the kids, then he can participate in the "daily dirties."

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#228058 - 05/11/07 02:39 AM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: 1004SRS]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
I actually think it's kind of fun to have certain foods for my kids. Now my older ones, they eat anything and a lot of it to the point of aggravation (waaaa..you have nothing good...waaaa..boo hoo...you know how older ones are) but my little ones, I make it a point to buy stuff like Lunchables and we make Pita pizza's together, or other kinds of fun food. We also do stuff like make brownies or cookies (ok...Pillsbury..but still). They are little girls (4 and 6) and they like that stuff. I don't by them McDonalds because their Mom gets that for them all the time..
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