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#228039 - 05/10/07 02:24 PM Taking own food to NCP's house
rockinrobin Offline
newbie

Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 31
Hi everyone. The last 2 weekends my ex has called and left messages on my voicemail saying "If you want (son) to eat anything this weekend you need to bring it because I don't have anything here." So I provided him with meals for the weekend, but it bothers me because he got a huge tattoo the week before. I also have to bring his clothes, but that's not a big deal. How should I handle this? Thanks.

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#228040 - 05/10/07 03:56 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
cincsu Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 4687
Loc: residence in AZ, case in CA
that is ridiculous. i wouldn't provide food, and if he keeps it up i'd motion to stop your child from going there. save the messages he wrote. if it is his time with the child he should at the minimum be expected to provide food. clothes i can understand, but food...give me a freaking break.

if the CP knows the NCP is taking the child on vacation and wants to send along some spending money with the child that is a nice thing to do, but it shouldn't even be requested.
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wife of 1, mother of 2, stepmother of .3475902453

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#228041 - 05/10/07 03:57 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
agui667 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/23/06
Posts: 4497
Brings back memories...I remember last summer when my ex was out of work and the kids wanted to go to his house during the day so they could swim in the pool. My ex would charge me $30 a day and I had to bring breakfast and lunch for them..What a complete JOKE!

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#228042 - 05/10/07 04:13 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: agui667]
rockinrobin Offline
newbie

Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 31
Thank you both for your replies. I've got the messages saved just in case, and there are several other things documented.

agui, charging you $30 for your kids to swim in their DAD'S pool?! That makes me kind of nauseous.

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#228043 - 05/10/07 04:18 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
agui667 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 10/23/06
Posts: 4497
He said that was what I would be saving if they didn't go to daycare..I guess that he thought he was running his own summer camp! lol lol

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#228044 - 05/10/07 04:56 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: agui667]
themema Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/09/07
Posts: 5
You just have to wonder sometimes what parents are thinking. There are those that think that NCP should pay for childcare/food etc when not exercising visitation though, so I guess this would be the flip side of the same coin.

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#228045 - 05/10/07 05:52 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: themema]
MominNY Offline
member

Registered: 02/20/07
Posts: 131
Loc: New York
Both those situations are ridiculous! I thought having to supply diapers and sippy cups was bad...sheesh! It gets even better whent the NCP refers to spending time with their children as "babysitting"...

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#228046 - 05/10/07 06:21 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: MominNY]
aaz Offline
recently joined

Registered: 03/25/07
Posts: 18
Loc: Georgia
I'm the CP and sometimes have to request that my stbx send our son's clothes back home with him. I understand that clothes get dirty, need to be changed, need to be washed, etc. and don't always come back right away. That's not a problem at all... as long as within a few days or weeks, my stbx will return the clothes. I do the same for him. Not long ago, I needed something specific that I had recently bought for our son. He'd only worn it once before wearing it to his dad's. I called stbx and asked if I could get it. He told me that Wal-Mart sold pants for $3.50. Some of our son's stuff should freely go back and forth between both homes. They're for him, not us adults. But there should be mutual respect. Don't assume I'm going to stock his clothes closet in both homes.

BTW, I'm new and wondering if there's a list of acronyms/abreviations somewhere. I'm just not "getting" some of them.

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#228047 - 05/10/07 06:30 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
KrazyKat Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 04/05/07
Posts: 1714
Loc: Somewhere in the Middle
I would reply to him with...

"If you can't feed your child then maybe you should go home to momma and daddy for help"

You should not be sending the major food source with your child on his visits. You don't send it to the neighbor's house when he/she is spending the night do you? It's the other parents responsibility to feed the child while in their care.

We don't expect BM to send the food for SS to our house and we would never ask her to either. That's rediculous.
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If you have a problem, build a bridge and get over it!

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#228048 - 05/10/07 06:45 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
One summer when the kids were staying with my x everyday I sent a couple bags of groceries of things the kids liked to help out. We had 50/50 placement and it was saving me a bundle in childcare. Then the kids told me their SM gave the food away to one of her friends (this was before we got along). I remember posting about this and getting blasted because I was controlling what they fed the kids. Anyway I quit doing it because it's not like I wa made of money, just trying to be helpful and I figured if the kids weren't going to get the food then I wasn't sending it.

What your x is asking for is ridiculous. Hell, my x hasn't seen the kids or paid CS (other than 32.00 a month) in a year. I've never asked him and his wife for food even though we could probably use it sometimes. Especially since I'm out of a job right now.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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#228049 - 05/10/07 08:54 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
[quote]Hi everyone. The last 2 weekends my ex has called and left messages on my voicemail saying "If you want (son) to eat anything this weekend you need to bring it because I don't have anything here." So I provided him with meals for the weekend, but it bothers me because he got a huge tattoo the week before. I also have to bring his clothes, but that's not a big deal. How should I handle this? Thanks. [/quote]

I am confused. He called two weeknd(s) and you send food for one weekend. Thats how it reads.
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#228050 - 05/10/07 10:19 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
tsl Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
BHDT...

And you're in a catch 22...you don't want to send food as you feel it is HIS responsibility and if he can NOT afford enough food for the weekend then he shouldn't be getting kid(s).

yet, you don't want your kid(s) to starve...you want them to be able to eat.

What do u do???

What I did, initially I asked him what was going on?? ie: loose job? unplanned medical bills?? Etc? I agreed to help ONLY temporarily. I would send 1 box of our healthy cereal, gallon of milk, some kool-aid mix, fruit, veges, meat, some snack food too...enough to get son (and that family which included another older child who's mom wouldn't send food, X, his GF and their baby...yes, I purchased formula and diapers for the baby)

However, just like everything and everyone else in his life (X's) he took advantage of it. I informed him once that this would be last time I would provide food. He would have to work something out as to how to get food for them. If he couldn't afford it I will send son after breakfast, pack a lunch for him and have him home at dinner (per my attorney). He could still get son on his weekends, just that he would have to bring him home to eat. he did that for a while. There were times when he would go out to his mom's and granny's to eat (and NOT take son!)...

It got to the point he would take son for a few hours and then not get him after bringing him home. He has dropped out again.
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Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can keep them out of the way."

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#228051 - 05/10/07 10:37 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
Of course, it is better to let the child go hungry in order to prove a point.
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GO CUBBIES!!!!

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#228052 - 05/10/07 11:14 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: Relayer]
jil_stevens Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
Yes, it is frustrating...we frequently have to provide food for SS when he is at his mom's. But we send it...we don't want him going hungry. Generally, we send dinner, a snack, and breakfast (she parties a lot, so never gets him before lunch). She makes good money, so we figure that gives her time to get to the store. Generally, she just brings him back to us before the next meal which is fine with us, too.

For 50/50 custody, we have him about 95% of the time.

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#228053 - 05/10/07 11:31 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: jil_stevens]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
[quote]Yes, it is frustrating...we frequently have to provide food for SS when he is at his mom's. But we send it...we don't want him going hungry. Generally, we send dinner, a snack, and breakfast (she parties a lot, so never gets him before lunch). She makes good money, so we figure that gives her time to get to the store. Generally, she just brings him back to us before the next meal which is fine with us, too.

For 50/50 custody, we have him about 95% of the time. [/quote]

Well, at least you know that is eating and WHAT he is eating. That's important too.
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#228054 - 05/10/07 11:45 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: Relayer]
jil_stevens Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
Exactly...and he's ten. He usually chooses pop tarts and a can of soup, some fruit snacks, etc. So what, $3.00 worth of food? We can afford it...

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#228055 - 05/11/07 12:09 AM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
NancyD Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 2111
Loc: New York
Since my ex never eats breakfast, there was never anything in his home for our kids to eat in the morning. And ex doesn't get up until sometime in the afternoon. So I would have to send little boxes of cereal with the kids so they had something semi-nutricious before 3 PM.

They thought it was cool, and I didn't mind that too much. But if I had to send a whole weekend's worth of food, I would have objected strongly.

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#228056 - 05/11/07 12:24 AM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: rockinrobin]
focusedon2 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
If this was something unusual - like he just lost a job AND he doesn't make being out of work a habit - I would help out and send the food.

If I thought my ex thought I was suppose to provide for him then I would tell him that I would be glad to keep the children at home.

You can't have it both ways (1) I'm just as good a parent and deserve the time to parent my kids AND (2) I'm going to rely on my ex to provide for my children and me, just like I was her child #2.

I'm sure any judge would agree (and CPS as well) that an absolutely essential part of parenting is providing food. If he can't do that, he can't parent.

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#228057 - 05/11/07 02:15 AM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: focusedon2]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
X wants me to provide food. He doesn't do food or diapers. Why not? He doesn't have time to shop and doesn't like going to the store with the kids.

I have the kids 90% of the time. I wonder why he doesn't have time to shop? I finally put my foot down. I won't provide diapers or food. If he wants to see the kids, then he can participate in the "daily dirties."

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#228058 - 05/11/07 02:39 AM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: 1004SRS]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
I actually think it's kind of fun to have certain foods for my kids. Now my older ones, they eat anything and a lot of it to the point of aggravation (waaaa..you have nothing good...waaaa..boo hoo...you know how older ones are) but my little ones, I make it a point to buy stuff like Lunchables and we make Pita pizza's together, or other kinds of fun food. We also do stuff like make brownies or cookies (ok...Pillsbury..but still). They are little girls (4 and 6) and they like that stuff. I don't by them McDonalds because their Mom gets that for them all the time..
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#228059 - 05/11/07 02:53 AM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: Relayer]
lifegoeson Offline
addict

Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 415
Sweet.
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Stand up for what you believe in, even if you are standing alone.

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#228060 - 05/11/07 05:43 AM Was he to pay for a portion... [Re: agui667]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
...of daycare expenses?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#228061 - 05/11/07 06:31 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: themema]
cincsu Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 4687
Loc: residence in AZ, case in CA
i an NCP SM, and I do think that if the parent is supposed to take the kid on X weekend and they don't that they should provide the care. that would be the responsible thing to do b/c maybe the CP made plans.

i guess the only thing to rectify that situation is that if it is habitual the CP can go back to court, modify the order and ask for more CS
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wife of 1, mother of 2, stepmother of .3475902453

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#228062 - 05/12/07 06:32 PM Re: Taking own food to NCP's house [Re: Relayer]
rockinrobin Offline
newbie

Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 31
[quote][quote]Hi everyone. The last 2 weekends my ex has called and left messages on my voicemail saying "If you want (son) to eat anything this weekend you need to bring it because I don't have anything here." So I provided him with meals for the weekend, but it bothers me because he got a huge tattoo the week before. I also have to bring his clothes, but that's not a big deal. How should I handle this? Thanks. [/quote]

I am confused. He called two weeknd(s) and you send food for one weekend. Thats how it reads. [/quote]

No, I brought it both weekends.

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