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#228324 - 05/11/07 08:34 PM Re: No visitation since 1/1 and now saying he wants [Re: cincsu]
4yroldmom Offline
newbie

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 40
I totally understand what all of you are saying.

I was really just looking for advice.

As mad as I am because of things he has done in the past I will not jepordize custody of my son. There are other reasons that I do not like the idea of him beign alone with his father but that is a different discussion for another day. I don't talk to anyone except my husband about the father and I try not to do that because it upsets him to see me upset. I definately don't talk to the kids about him no reason to bring them into it more than they already are and I want my son to make his own decision about how he feels about father and me and how we handled things right/wrong/indifferent when he is older. I just want to try to protect him as much as I can now.

Not seeing a Grandparent is one thing. Not seeing a parent is different. Different rules, different lifestyles.

My father traveled alot when I was younger but I talked to him every night or at the very least every other night. I never held that against him. The difference with son's father is that he doesn't call or see him. I look back on my family and realize that my parents were strict and I didn't see dad that often but I had a good relationship with both and my parents made an effort to attend things together or at least one of them would come. Son's father has never been to one event for school or even asked to come. He doesn't even know where the school is. Nor has he been there when son has had to go to the doctor for colds or anything else. When he does call he doesn't ask about son and he doesn't talk to son. It's about distrupting life in general it is so I know he is still out there. Negative comments whenever he can get them in. When you talk about who is bad mouthing who, even his sister and father have told us the things he says and does in reference to our family.

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#228325 - 05/12/07 03:38 AM Re: No visitation since 1/1 and now saying he wants [Re: 4yroldmom]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Son's father has never been to one event for school or even asked to come. He doesn't even know where the school is. Nor has he been there when son has had to go to the doctor for colds or anything else.
****************************
I was just talking to a friend of mine last night. She was at her son's choir concert and the father of a child she's known since her son was in kindergarten was there. He asked where her husband was and she asked him when he had EVER seem him at a school function.

My point is that even if people are married there can still be a partner who doesn't show up at appointments or events. I'm sorry your x is like that but it still doesn't mean he shouldn't spend time with his son.
_________________________
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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#228326 - 05/12/07 02:50 PM Re: No visitation since 1/1 and now saying he wants [Re: Debi]
4yroldmom Offline
newbie

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 40
I hear what you are saying but again feel that is different. That parent lives with that family and sees them or talks to them. Even if you don't go to every child event or doctor you certainly know more about what is going on in their lives since you eat dinner together, do homework together, etc.

Ex can give all the excuses he wants about his reasoning it is not good enough. He doesn't want to be in son's life he has said it before - he wanted to terminate his rights two years ago until he got the paperwork to do it. He immediately changed his mind when he read the paperwork saying that my husband would be able to adopt and give son his last name. I should have just filed it on my own but he scares me with his behavior so I didn't. I am ashamed I didn't and if he continues down the path that he is on now with visitation and everything else I will go down the termination path again. I was almost there this time because here you have to have no contact for 6 months or more along with some other mitigating circumstances.

Doesn't matter, biologically or not he is my husbands son more than he will ever be his fathers.

I did give in by the way. I called him back last night and told him I would meet him in a central location as we have in the past as long as it was 9am to 9am that is it. He had already changed his mind - mother's day afterall - he had made plans for him and his wife, he'll call me about next weekend. I think one poster before said something about control - oh yes, this was one of those moments I should have recognized the signs.

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