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#228575 - 05/11/07 11:40 PM Mental Health question...
jil_stevens Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
Just looking for input :)

So, my ex recently produced discovery, among that was bank statements. I was going through these, and found quite a bit of interesting stuff. For one, he turned down visitation with the kids once, said he had to work, and he was on vacation...purchased a plane ticket, rented a car, hotel, everything.

Anyway, something concerned me...not greatly, just noticed it. My ex rarely drank. At a party, or if he went to a bar, he might have one or two, but I don't ever recall him drinking at home or going to a liquor store; it was purely a social activity.

Anyway, after he came home from the Middle East, he started visiting the liquor store pretty much every other day. Not huge purchases, though it is hard to tell just from amounts, we are talking military Class Six, and anywhere from $5 to $25 per transaction.

Anyway, after he retired, I stopped seeing Class Six, but obviously, on bank statements, there are frequently charges, esp on debit cards, that just show up with an address and there is really no way to tell what that is unless you are familiar with the area.

Anywho...the main reason this concerned me is because, thorughout this whole custody thing, I have maintained that I would drop all motions if he would get a mental health eval. and follow the recommendations. I seriously think he is mentally ill...I think he was before he went to the Middle East, though he is markedly worse after returning.

Bottom line...if he gets help, he can have a healthy relationship with his kids and everyone wins, whereas with his current behaviorI just have to protect the kids since he won't help himself.

Anyway, does this seem odd to anyone else? Or just me...not that there is anything I can do with it, but it is one more tick against him, and I am hoping with enough ticks I can convince the judge to order therapy for him.
Thanks:)

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#228576 - 05/11/07 11:54 PM Re: Mental Health question... [Re: jil_stevens]
joym525 Offline
old hand

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 756
Was he in the Army over in Iraq.

It is very possible he is now drinking. He probably has post traumatic stress disorder. Most Army personnel come back with it. If you had seen what he had seen you would be drinking everyday too.

He NEEDS therapy if this is the case...but he needs unconditional love from someone too...I hope his parents are involved in his life...I'm sorry I am rambling but my heart sinks when I think what these AMAZING men do for our country everyday just for them to be thrown aside because they are no longer capable of surviving in the United States...okay now I am crying so...my heart is so broken over this issue.

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#228577 - 05/12/07 12:11 AM Re: Mental Health question... [Re: joym525]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
Most Army personnel come back with it.

----------------->really? I would like to see that information on that fact that "most" Army personnel come back with it.


Jil- Did he have a de-briefing and mental eval upon returning from post in Iraq? With my brother over in Irag stationed at the Airport, they were doing eval's upon return to the base. If further counseling was needed, it was recommended. How long has he been back and do you know if this was done?

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#228578 - 05/12/07 12:44 AM Re: Mental Health question... [Re: Runswithscissors]
jil_stevens Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
Yes, he was in Iraq in the Army. He was stationed on a base, the work he does, he never actually left, so didn't see anyone die nor have to kill anyone, but still, not good and very stressful I would imagine.

Anyway, yes, I think he needs therapy...he refuses.
RWS...when he left country he just had a brief ten minute thing, then they just dropped him back stateside and nothing else ever happened. And he has been back about 16 months now, no therapy was ever given, and quite honestly a ten minute eval. isn't enough to figure out if there is a problem. And he is steadily getting worse...

Usually when he drinks he gets horny and angry. If he can't get laid, the anger gets worse. To my knowledge, he isn't seeing anyone, so that would explain his anger, however, he gets that angry for no reason also. So I can't tell from emails, etc, and we don't talk, if he is drunk or not. He has left me voicemails and he doesn't slur or anything, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

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#228579 - 05/12/07 01:15 AM Re: Mental Health question... [Re: jil_stevens]
joym525 Offline
old hand

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 756
I just got back from Balad AB Iraq in January. If he was stationed at any of the main bases, Balad, Kirkuk, Talil, Baghdad, he had mortars flying at him everyday. And he may have had to visit wounded soldiers that were out on the line that were in the medical facility on his base if they were attached to his unit. It sounds like he has PTSD. But He needs to talk to someone...and the kids would not be safe with him if he does have this.

I hope the two of you can work things out. I don't know you, but it would probably be best if you had custody and he had regular visitation. Does he have a full time job?

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#228580 - 05/12/07 01:19 AM Re: Mental Health question... [Re: jil_stevens]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
[quote] esp on debit cards, that just show up with an address and there is really no way to tell what that is unless you are familiar with the area.
[/quote]

This might help you with thhe address thing;

http://www.whitepages.com/10001/reverse_address
_________________________
GO CUBBIES!!!!

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#228581 - 05/12/07 01:25 AM Re: Mental Health question... [Re: joym525]
jil_stevens Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
Yes, he retired and has a job. He lives several states over, so the kids live with me, and he has visitation. It does concern me, though, because he has them for such long stretches, and he just isn't used to parenting, if you knowwhat I mean. He doesn't do well wiht them for longer than a week or so at a time. I am trying to get it changed, since he refuses mental health evals, but he dragged things out so far school is out in two weeks and no new agreement. Of course, no plane tickets either, so who knows? I hate this...he hasn't made plans for them to come out there, yet I can't make plans so they have things to do in case he decides to make last minute plans.

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#228582 - 05/12/07 01:27 AM Re: Mental Health question... [Re: Relayer]
jil_stevens Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
Thanks!!!

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#228583 - 05/12/07 01:28 AM Re: Mental Health question... [Re: jil_stevens]
joym525 Offline
old hand

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 756
Oh, that puts you in a rough spot. Is there a SMOM involved...Oh wait, you said he did not have a GF...does he live close to his mom? You could maybe send the children to his mom's house...but I guess you would be breaking the current order if you did that.

I hope it all works out for you and the kids.

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#228584 - 05/12/07 02:29 AM Re: Mental Health question... [Re: joym525]
jil_stevens Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
No SM, and he lives about 1000 miles from his family, about 1500 miles from me.

I hate it...but no tickets, and I filed a motion with the court for a status conferene (failure to provide all discovery) and said one of the issues I want covered is summer visitation.

I know his attorneys have been trying to get this info out of him and he won't provide, so his behavior is just making them look bad. Ex told the kids his lawyer was going to quit if *I* wouldn't settle...to me that translates into he settles with me or his lawyer is out of it...nobody is going to risk their reputation for an idiot who won't follow advise and won't follow the rules and won't tell them the truth.

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