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#228592 - 05/12/07 01:31 AM Summer school question....
Buckeye Offline
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Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
It is possible that either one or both of SIL's boys will have to attend summer school. In our city, there are smaller municipalities that have their own government and school districts.

SIL's lives in one and BM lives in another one. BM has sole and residential custody.

Question is, if the boys have to go to summer school and SIL has 8 weeks summer visitation, who is responsible to see that the boys get to the school in BM's district? SIL kind of feels that BM should be responsible since she is the one that allowed the situation that they are failing (not doing homework, etc.).

What do you all think?

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#228593 - 05/12/07 02:12 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
jimmie Offline
member

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 117
Is "SIL" son in law? Is this dad to the two boys? (sorry I'm dense). Technically, I would imagine it is bm's responsibility being the sole custodial parent. However, I would also imagine that SIL would want children to succeed. Why is driving the kids to summer school a big deal?
Are we talking about a school district out in the sticks? How far away is SIL from summer school?

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#228594 - 05/12/07 02:32 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: jimmie]
Buckeye Offline
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Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
SIL is son-in-law and dad to the two boys.

SIL does want them to succeed and this was part of his argument last year when he went for custody. Apparently, the judge didn't feel "almost" failing was a reason to change custody.

The school would be about 20 miles away from SIL's home and then he would have to drive another 20 miles back to work.

Jimmie, we are talking west side to east side.

In the back of my mind, I am wondering if BM made sure the boys failed so that she would retain summer custody and then could ask for the courts to increase her CS.

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#228595 - 05/12/07 02:41 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
nrvouswrk Offline
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Registered: 04/13/06
Posts: 2362
Buckeye, not to make light of your situation, but I had to laugh at the idea that 20 miles was far :). My son's school is over 20 miles from our home. After I drop him off, I drive another 25 to work. I always thought that was CLOSE! :)

If I were your SIL, I would still take the boys for the 8 weeks of summer vacation, and just drive them both ways to school. I love the drive in with my son. We do Starbucks most mornings, and it is a good experience as far as talking goes. The drive-time will fly by for your SIL.

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#228596 - 05/12/07 02:45 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: nrvouswrk]
Buckeye Offline
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Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
The problem is that summer school only goes to 12 so that means that SIL would have to leave work, drive to the school to pick up the boys, drive them back to his home and then drive back to work.

So, that means that he would be doing a lot of driving for something that she created. Part of it is, that child was supposed to get a newspaper or internet paper to write a paper on each week. BM would not purchase him a paper or allow him to use the computer at home to do this work. SIL started supplying him with the newspaper BUT the boy didn't or wouldn't do the work and BM said it wasn't her problem to see that he did his homework.

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#228597 - 05/12/07 02:47 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
nrvouswrk Offline
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Registered: 04/13/06
Posts: 2362
Does he have anyone else who could pick up the boys?

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#228598 - 05/12/07 02:48 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
Avaya Offline
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Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 9850
Loc: Arkansas
IMO, if he wants to exercise his visitation, then he has to take them to summer school. I would not expect to get them for the 8 weeks of summer and expect mom to come get them for school each day. Absurd IMO. Can they not go to summer school in dad's district?
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#228599 - 05/12/07 02:49 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
jil_stevens Offline
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Registered: 08/01/06
Posts: 3893
Is there another family member who doesn't work outside the home that could do the driving?

I agree, if he can work it out, then it is best he take them anyway. Also, have him contact the school district. I am sure this isn't the first divorced family that has to deal with summer visitation and summer school. Maybe they can do summer school in SIL's district. I don't know how it would work...

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#228600 - 05/12/07 02:51 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Avaya]
Buckeye Offline
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Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
There is no one else that can pick up the boys.

Can't go to school in Dad's district because Dad is not the residential parent.

I understand what you are saying BUT BM is the one that didn't care if they failed, it wasn't her problem. So, I think it should be her "problem" now.

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#228601 - 05/12/07 03:11 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
nrvouswrk Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 04/13/06
Posts: 2362
I understand what you are saying BUT BM is the one that didn't care if they failed, it wasn't her problem. So, I think it should be her "problem" now.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Isn't that what she wanted in the first place? Does the school offer after school care? Is there a daycare in the area that picks up the child from school?

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#228602 - 05/12/07 03:36 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: nrvouswrk]
Buckeye Offline
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Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Right now she is the one seeing that the kids get to and from school since she isn't working.

Don't know if the school offers after school care for the summer.

The kids haven't failed yet - DD is hoping that they can get it together and at least pull out a "D".

Another problem is that they moved and they tried to get through the year at the old school (which I don't blame her for). But, the school found out, and they were thrown out and have to go to the new school district for 20 days, until school is out. They will continue there next year.

The education stuff is one of the reasons SIL wanted to have custody of the boys. He wanted custody during the winter and would give BM custody during the summer. But, it didn't work out that way.

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#228603 - 05/12/07 03:50 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
Debi Offline
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Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
OKay, I don't know his x but I can sympathize with having kids that won't do anything. For three quarters of this year I called my oldest daughter's teachers (all 5 of her core class teachers) every week and left a message saying I would pick up any work she missed on Friday afternoon. We would spend the weekend doing those assignments and then she never turned them in anyway. At the beginning of 4th quarter I gave up. I am to the point that if her younger sister passes her up maybe she'll wake up. The only thing is that won't happen because of the damn "no child left behind" crap. It doesn't mean they won't be left behind, it means they won't learn crap but will get passed on anyway. I feel like a bad mom saying that I've given up but I don't know what else to do.

Is there any chance his x will try along with him to get the kids signed up in his district? I can't imagine the work would be any different than the school they are in now.
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#228604 - 05/12/07 04:13 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Debi]
Buckeye Offline
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Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Deb, absolutely no. She would not do anything to help SIL even if it hurts the kids.

The oldest is the one that has the most problems. SIL, DD, YS, DGD were out in the yard raking up leaves and bagging them. OS was in the house watching TV and playing video games. SIL went in and told him to come out and help too, then they all would go do something fun. OS said no, he didn't feel good. So, SIL told him to go to bed since he was too sick to help, then he was too sick to watch TV and play video games.

Just seems like OS is turning out just like BM's boyfriend, who is a major loser. All he does is watch TV and play video games. Great role model.

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#228605 - 05/12/07 11:46 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
tsl Offline
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Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
I see 2 options right now:

SIL hires a tutor in his area to help the boys out. They do NOT attend summer school. (Summer school here is a farce, IMO. It was a waste of time the summer I sent D there. I refuse to do it again. I get recommendations from her teacher, I go to a bookstore and get workbooks for her. If there is something specific she needs to work on, I get books on that such as phonics or multiplication tables, ect. and the tutor works on those each day.)

There is a neat program I am going to purchase this year for my two kids to do during summer. It is on-line, tracks their progress. Has like study work then they take tests to see where they have progressed.

The other option is that he talks to mom. Tell her he has a plan. He WILL BE getting kids during summer. He can take them to summer school but he needs mom to pick them up when summer school is out each day and keep them till he gets off work. This will be extra time for mom.

If dad has plans already to go on vacation one week, then they go on vacation and skips summer school. I don't know how long summer school lasts in his area, but here it is only like the month of June.
_________________________
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#228606 - 05/12/07 12:15 PM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
Dee78 Offline
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Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 11820
Loc: TN
Parenting isn't just about fun times and if he wants to get them for 8 weeks in the summer then he needs to find a way to get them to and from summer school. Was it her fault that they have to go to summer school? Possibly, but ultimately it is the child not doing what they are supposed to do. You said it yourself, your SIL can't even get him to do what he's supposed to do so obviously it isn't JUST the BM's problem.

This situation could be a positive or negative at his next court appearance. The fact that they have to go to summer school would be a negative against her. But his choice here could be a negative agaisnt him if he chooses to not get them for his summer parenting time because it's too much work to be a parent. Or it could be a positive for him because it shows that he's willing to be a parent and do what it takes to make sure they get what they need.

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#228607 - 05/12/07 02:02 PM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
PhoenixRising Offline
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Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
Buckeye,

Your SIL is about to be initiated into the joys of summer logistics. It is horrible, stressful, and guilt ridden. Most of the time, you are not where you are supposed to be. The boss wants you at work, the kids need to be chauffeured.

The situation $ucks…

He needs to contact the school ASAP. Our schools run “camps” for parents that work. 7am-6pm. They bus them to the pool, beach, field trips, they provide sports, computers, etc.. Even if the school doesn’t have something specific, there might be a district program. We have Science Inventions, Sports Plus, etc.. Even if there is no busing, by contacting those programs directly, he might get some carpooling information.

Our local Y runs a bus up to the school and transports them back to attend programs at the Y.

MANY parents work during the summer. He isn't the only one in that school district w/ this problem. Many spend the 9mths leading up to summer trying to find placement that: they like; doesn’t cost an arm and a leg; has hours compatible w/ our needs.

There are answers out there. It depends on how much effort he wants to put into finding them and how much he wants to pay.

PS: Ditto on what Dee said. He must show support for summer school. Judges have categorized parents two ways. He is either part of the problem or part of the solution. Whining about it being all her fault and excuses (no matter how justified) will reflect poorly on him.

He has custody over the summer, he inherits summer logistics hell. He can’t make it her problem. If he has no adult to help with chauffeuring; what was he plan going to be if they weren’t in summer school?

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#228608 - 05/13/07 12:48 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
focusedon2 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
[quote] Right now she is the one seeing that the kids get to and from school since she isn't working. [/quote]

Can he take the kids to school and she picks them up at noon? She wouldn't do that, considering she's not working?

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#228609 - 05/13/07 01:22 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: focusedon2]
jimmie Offline
member

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 117
In Buckeye's town (my town as well), SIL driving kids to SS, then going to work could easily mean driving 40 min to drop kids off then driving another thirty minutes to work. No kidding...... It would be a real hardship!

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#228610 - 05/13/07 01:43 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: jimmie]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Around here, summer school doesn't start until about 2 weeks after school is out and then runs until the first week of August, give or take.

So, I guess we will just have to do the "wait and see" and then plan accordingly.

Just wanted to see what people here thought he should do. I know SIL would insist on summer school, just wondered who should be doing all the driving or maybe they could even split the driving.

YS is doing a lot of sports now (kinda of M5 situation) but he is getting "scholarships" to join private type teams. Apparently BM's boy friend is getting upset with all the driving that she is doing and being away from her family with him babysitting all the kids. I'm sure if she has to drive to get kids to or from summer school, boyfriend will not be happy.

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#228611 - 05/13/07 03:06 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
4yroldmom Offline
newbie

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 40
BF will have to get over it. At the very least they could compromise and share some of the summer school and other activities. We do it today for my ss's. Ex drops off the other picks up or vice versa unless we have something that takes precidence over sharing the driving responsibilities. Boys are older 16 and 14 and 16 yr old has even figured out how to ride the buses if he just wants to go somewhere and is impatient about waiting around for someone to take him there.

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#228612 - 05/13/07 03:21 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: jimmie]
focusedon2 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
I used to drive my kids 30 min. to school and then I would drive an hour to work.

Yes. It was a really hardship but I thought it was in there best interest. There was no one else to share the responsibility with at the time so I did that 2x a day.

If I were the BM, I wouldn't want to drive to Buckeye's SIL 's house, pick up the kid, drive him back to my town to school and then pick him up, drive back to his town and then back home.

My reaction to that is that they might as well stay with me.

I would, however, be willing to compromise. If he got the boy to school, I would get him back to his home. I assume the SIL only has an hour for lunch at the most - getting the at 12 noon, dropping them off some place, and then getting back to his job on time could be impossible.

I wouldn't be willing to do both ways. The cost of gas alone would turn me off to that. But I would be willing to share. I think that's reasonable. Of course, we haven't been given many reasons to believe the ex in this case is reasonable.

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#228613 - 05/13/07 03:27 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
Rebecca5 Offline
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Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
I'd probably call around and see what's available in the area. Sometimes summer camp programs, and day camp programs provide transportation. So your SIL could drive the child to school in the morning, arrange for care for the afternoons, and pick the child up after SIL gets done with work.

I can't imagine that sending him to a different school would be the best thing for his education, unless he could continue in the new school for the fall. This would be a great opportunity for your SIL to have some impact on his child's education....even if it means a little extra driving. The distance might be inconvenient, but it's certainly not insurmountable.

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#228614 - 05/13/07 03:38 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Rebecca5]
Buckeye Offline
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Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Well, if it means anything, the CO states that she must bring the kids TO SIL. He doesn't have to pick them up but must deliver them back to her.

So, if they have to go to summer school, then most likely he will drive them to school and then have her drive them back when school is over each day.

We will just have to wait and see what happens. Hoping that the kids pass and that she will see that she isn't capable of handling the education stuff, and maybe let him have them for the school year.

Edit - when they went to court, this is what he asked for. It was denied. Now that BM has moved out of boyfriend's mom' house (evicted), she called him and asked if things got tough, would he take them for the school year and she get summer time. He was agreeable to that - that is what he wanted to start out with!!!


Edited by Buckeye (05/13/07 03:43 AM)

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#228615 - 05/13/07 03:44 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
4yroldmom Offline
newbie

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 40
Good luck! There is still a little time for them to catch up before end of year. We are constantly on the phone or e-mailing the teachers about oldest ss, if we don't stay on top of him he slacks off completely - mostly because he is at a point in his life he doesn't care or thinks that no one else does. I have no idea if that's what my parents thought when I was 16 but I also know my dad would have kicked my butt for failing even one class havin been in the military and failure was not an option at school. Especially if you went to a school on base thousands of miles away from the rest of you natural family because your military family and friends would find out and it would be ALL over the base that your parents couldn't handle you.

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#228616 - 05/13/07 03:49 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: 4yroldmom]
Buckeye Offline
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Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
My family was like that too - if you got a D or below, that was the end of life as previously known. No TV, no telephone, no extra activities, if you were awake, you have a book and were looking at it.

I am hoping that since they started new schools close to the end of the year that they will take pity on them, and pass them on.

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#228617 - 05/13/07 04:09 PM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
agui667 Offline
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Registered: 10/23/06
Posts: 4497
Why would you want a school and take pitty on them? They should not be passed on if they didn't earn it.

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#228618 - 05/13/07 05:11 PM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
Tweeby Offline
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Registered: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
I don't believe there are many parents who WANT their children to HAVE to go to summer school.

Your SIL says that education of the children is important to him BUT he doesn't seem to want to take the responsibility of proving it.

IF the kids need summer school and he wants his time with them than he is going to have to find a way to work it out to PROVE that their education IS important to him.

I totally understand the frustration of having a CP who does not value the children's education. My husband received custody of their younger son because of the BM's educational neglect. He had NO IDEA what what happening with the kids education, he was blocked from the school records (even the courts had problems getting the records) and never saw a report card. He ASKED for them and she just told him the kids grades, there was always an excuse on why he couldn't see the reports cards.

When he found out that his oldest son dropped out of school at age 15 and the beginning of the 9th grade, my husband filed for custody. He didn't find out until the child was 16 yo and everyone lied about the older child going to school for a year. The BM reason (to the court) about her and the boys lying that the oldest was in school was that she knew if Dad found out he would blow his top and take drastic action and she was right because when he found out he filed for custody.

At 1st the court did not belive my husband's claims because of the laws in our state. The school age for children is between 5 and 18 yo and if the child misses more than 10 days a semester than the parent gets charged with failure to send a child to school. The court was SHOCKED once the school records were obtained. The school principal of the younger child testified in court that she tried to get the BM charged but the school district refused since it was not a "violent" crime (this is a VERY large urban district), the district didn't have the money to go after non-violent problems.

The custody case lasted a year and the court ordered the BM to enroll the older child in school and make sure he attended and that the younger child could only miss school with a documented excuse (doctor or court). The younger child missed 30 days of school that year (a VAST improvement) but only 5 were documented. The BM even stated in March that the custody case should be dropped because the child attened school for 2 weeks straight without missing a day.

The BM didn't care about the kids doing homework. The school principal and teachers stopped at the BM home to check on the child when he missed days and than tried to give help on how the child could make up the work but the BM refused any type of help.

My husband has had custody of their younger child for almost 3 years. We had a HUGE problem the 1st year here since the child never had to be responsible to turn in homework mcuh less to DO homework. There were some gaps in his education that we had to work with the school to fill in those gaps.

My YSS is now 14 yo and about to finish the 8th grade. He will have a HS credit since he was taking 9th grade Math. Next year he will be in honor classes. In the 3 years he has been here he hasn't missed 30 days total and majority of those were documented medical excuses, the other days were excused just not documented. Plus during those 3 years, SS has broken a finger and sprained his hand and his ankle where he needed phsyical therapy. All injuries happened at school (SS is very active and in sports).

Schools usually work with parents who let them know about problems. If the children have to attend summer school, you SIL should go to the school and ask what resources are available since he has to work. Here, we have 2 summer school sessions and they are free if the children are required to attend. There is summer program that will transport the kids to summer school and pick them up afterwards and they give discounts to the parents who have children who attend summer school (since the kids are not in their care for part of the day).

Where there is a will there usually is a way but you have to ask for help.

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#228619 - 05/14/07 12:05 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: agui667]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Maybe taking pity on them if they try to get it together and do better.

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#228620 - 05/14/07 12:06 AM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Tweeby]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
I hope the kids will do better in this school and maybe since mom is also "going to school", she will see that they also do their homework.

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#228621 - 05/14/07 05:57 PM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Buckeye]
Avaya Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 9850
Loc: Arkansas
[quote]
Can't go to school in Dad's district because Dad is not the residential parent.
[/quote]

Why does that matter? Besides, if they 'live' with dad in the summer, he BECOMES the temporary residential parent.
_________________________
Eternity is too long to be wrong.

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#228622 - 05/14/07 11:05 PM Re: Summer school question.... [Re: Avaya]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
It matters here what "district" you are in. BM is in the city limits and SIL lives outside the city limits - never shall the twain meet.

Doesn't matter who is "temporary" residential parent, it matters where the custodial parent lives and that is in the city limits.

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