Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online

Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#228660 - 05/12/07 03:30 AM Help....
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
I had a relationship with my high school sweetheart, I thought it would last 4ever. Stupidly enough. We had 3 boys, one passed due to SIDS. When we lost the 3rd, I lost my wife. So, our boys are 15 and 13. She hasnt paid cs, she hasnt seen them in over 8 years, but all of a sudden she wants custody. Our children are on the honor roll, and very active in extra-carricular activities. They are awesome kids. She is filing for custody on the groudns of something like parent alienation. I dont know what it is, can only assum she feels I forced her to not be a part of their lives. I understand she had a hard time after losing the baby but it has been 11 years. I would be willing to share the boys with her if she will take it slow with them but she wants to jump into it with both feet and I am nto sure this si a good idea. I am on a few other support groups and stuf, but thought maybe people who didnt know my whole situation might be able to give me some constructive advice. Thank you.
_________________________
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

Top
#228661 - 05/12/07 11:51 AM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
tsl Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
First off, I am sorry you lost a baby. I can understand what both of you went through during that loss as I lost a baby at 5 months (not to SIDS).

Parental Alienation: basically she is saying you deliberatly kept the children away from her. You refused to allow her have contact with them. Etc.

What weakens her case is it has been 8 years. Unless she is trying to claim she has been looking for them for 8 years b/c you move and leave no forwarding address, or you don't leave it with the Court and the support office... If I were your attorney my first question would be "It has been 8 years since you last saw the kids why wait this long to file something?!)

Do you have an attorney?
_________________________
Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can keep them out of the way."

Top
#228662 - 05/12/07 03:05 PM Re: Help.... [Re: tsl]
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
I still live in the house we bought together. I have never moved, still have the same land-line number. I still work at the same place. I havent even officially filed for divorce, just left it as it was. I know it was harder on her losong the baby than it was on me. I loved hi,m but she stayed home with them. I just want to be able to make the best decision for our kids. I am nto going to fight her on seeing them, but I dont want her tp "play" mommy for a while and decide it isnt for her. I never filed for child support. That doesnt make me better than anyone else on this board, it just means I didnt feel the need for her to pay. I will be sympathetic to a fault with her but refuse to back down on what is best for our boys. To this day, I send all of the boys' school pictures to her mom's, copies of report cards, schedules, and most of this was sent sertified so I knew it made it. I still have the reciepts dating back to 97 or 98.
_________________________
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

Top
#228663 - 05/12/07 03:08 PM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
BeckaLeigh Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/08/05
Posts: 6879
Loc: Texas
It sounds like you did your part of the bargain and she went through the express lane. Dont sweat it, even if she does get visitation, I cant see her getting custody after this many years. I almost understand about losing the baby, I lost mine at 6 months of pregnancy so although I knew her, I didnt.

Good luck in court. I hope you let us know how it goes.
_________________________
I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.

Top
#228664 - 05/12/07 03:21 PM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
Cinder2 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 4361
Loc: Southern California
Hi Earl,

I'm not sure, but from reading your post it sounds like no one has ever filed for divorce, child support, or custody? And your wife is filing now? Is she filing for divorce as well? I'm sorry - this must be very painful for you after 11 years to have to deal with everything again.

I think you should contact your wife or her lawyer and try to start some kind of custody process. She is their mother and has the right to see them and have a relationship with them. At 13 and 15, they are old enough to have a pretty good grasp on what is going on. Start by introducing them to their mother, either at your house or a neutral site, like lunch or something?

I think you could probably work this out without the courts and god know it will be cheaper if you can do so. Reintroduce them, let her see them as often as she wants, and see how it goes for a few months. If you stall or delay, her parental alienation case will gain more weight.

Good luck,
Cinder

Top
#228665 - 05/12/07 03:22 PM Re: Help.... [Re: Cinder2]
Cinder2 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 4361
Loc: Southern California
p.s. I forgot to add - there's no way in hell she's going to win custody from you based on the facts you have given, so stop worrying about that and just worry about what shirt to wear so you look better than her when you see her again. :)

Top
#228666 - 05/12/07 03:30 PM Re: Help.... [Re: Cinder2]
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
No filings have been done whatsoever. My lawyer wants to bring up the fact that she has not helped financially in the past years but that is the last concern I have.
As for her seeing the kids, I told her I am free most evenings and any weekends for her to get to know the boys slowly. Not at our house, or her house, but at a park or maybe something like that. She thinks since she is the mother, she has the right to waltz back in and take them when she wants. What makes her the maddest is that I refuse to argue with her. She wants to push and push and I let her but I keep my temper. I have always wanted her to be a part of their lives but she has chosen not to. She just got in touch with me for the first time in about 6 years 3 or 4 weeks ago and demanded I drop the boys off at her house. The boys did sya they dont want anything to do with her, but I have told them to give her a chance. They have agreed and know I will be there every step of the way. I am willing to work i tout without he courts' involvement but she is so insistent on her Mother's right, I dont know if it is going to be possible. She has refused to see them inthe last 3 weeks because I wont let her take them off by theirselves.
_________________________
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

Top
#228667 - 05/12/07 03:55 PM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
PhoenixRising Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
Cinder is right. You need to file for divorce and custody...

What were you thinking all these years?

You are withholding children from their mother w/ no legal right to do so...

Your motivations are pure and that works in your favor. But as this drags on, she can use your "interference" against you.

Go to court, get temporary custody. She will probably get a graduated visitation schedule... Where she starts limited and it becomes more liberal as time passes...

You have denied her for three weeks; you need to get the law on your side at this point or it will be on her side...

Do not jeopardize all the good you have done for your kids by dragging your feet at this point... You already did that for too long the way it is...

Sorry, if this sounds harsh but it is coming from someone who has had the legal system used against them by a pro. You don't want to be me.. It becomes expensive and the kids are the victims..

Top
#228668 - 05/12/07 04:20 PM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
jimmie Offline
member

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 117
Earl,

If you've posted all relevent facts in your situation, I would not sweat what is going on.

You seem VERY VERY reasonable and responsible. I'm sure mom cannot just waltz in and do "whatever". If this went to court, I would imagine you would get what you think would be best for the kids. Your wishes seem very level headed, and kid centered. Good luck to you!

Top
#228669 - 05/12/07 04:29 PM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
tsl Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
Are the boys in therapy of any sorts? If not, I would recommend finding someone that will help in the "runification" process with their mother. Someone to talk to them about their thoughts and feelings. Maybe where you go the neutral 3rd parties way.
_________________________
Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can keep them out of the way."

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >

Moderator:  dsAdmin 


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: