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#228670 - 05/12/07 06:08 PM Re: Help.... [Re: tsl]
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
The boys have ben in therapy for about 4 years now. I thought they could talk to someone who wasnt biased or however you want to say it. The therapist suggested my wife come in for a session with the boys but she refuses, so I guess we will do what we can.
_________________________
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

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#228671 - 05/12/07 06:10 PM Re: Help.... [Re: jimmie]
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
I dont want their mom to be out of their lives, I just dont want them being thrown into an unknown situation with someone they dont know. I want her to be a main part of their lives, she just has to understand that having given brith to them doesnt automatically mean they know her.
_________________________
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

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#228672 - 05/12/07 06:18 PM Re: Help.... [Re: PhoenixRising]
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
What were you thinking all these years?

I was thinking I am taking care of my boys because mom took off and has had no contact with them at all til 3 weeks ago.

You are withholding children from their mother w/ no legal right to do so...

I AM NOT withholding the boys from their mom. I have sent text after text to her, along with certified letters that I am more than willing to pay for the therapy, meet her in a neutral setting so they can all get to know one another again so she CAN have them by herself. I have never withheld them from her because until recently, she has never even asked about them. I have not denied her for three weeks, I have tried to compromise with her. If you want to see it as withholding them, you are wrong. The kids are the victims already because mom took off with no regards to them. I am more than willing to meet her more than halfway to being her back into their lives. All matters will be brought in front of the judge when we go to court. Yes, I should have filed for custody and whatever but I didnt. We will settle it, in or out of court.
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Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

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#228673 - 05/12/07 06:20 PM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
supermansdaisy Offline
addict

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 658
Loc: SC
Just want to say, Earl, that it is wonderful that you have sent the pictures and report cards, etc to the children's mother. You sound like a very caring father, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will remain the custodial parent.


Good luck!
_________________________
------------------------- A problem shared is a problem halved.

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#228674 - 05/12/07 06:22 PM Re: Help.... [Re: Cinder2]
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
Thanks. i just want what is best for the boys, and that is to have both parents in theri lives. She has no drug problems but I think losing the baby really messed with her head. I am not saying she has severe mental issues, just that maybe it hurt her to be here and with the boys after losing him. I am hoing she will be reasonable about this in court.
_________________________
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

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#228675 - 05/12/07 06:28 PM Re: Help.... [Re: supermansdaisy]
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
Thanks for th evote of confidence. I am not saying I am a perfect parent, made mistakes of my own, i.e. not filing for divorce, custody, etc... but I have always been there for our boys. And when they ask why mom isnt there, it breaks my heart. I dotn have an explanation. I just tell them mom had some things to work out. I've never had all the right words. I wish I did but I dont. How do you tell kids that their mom pretty much abandoned them without looking like a vengeful person? I dont want them to think bad of their mom, although at times they do. But, I have never said anything cross about their mom to them. Hell, to this day I havent gotten any explanation as to why she took off. It hurts but it hurts more to see my kids suffer.
_________________________
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

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#228676 - 05/12/07 06:33 PM Re: Help.... [Re: BeckaLeigh]
EarlF Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 20
Loc: Hades
I will. And I appreciate all of the advice and constructive crticism I have recieved, even what I didnt like. The express lane? Hell, she didnt go through a lane, she hit the back door.
_________________________
Earl Very grateful for my two boys.

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#228677 - 05/12/07 06:57 PM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
tsl Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 2274
Earl:

IMO, step 1: contact attorney like yesterday. Talk about what steps you need to go through to file for divorce, custody, visitation and (yes) support.

Does Mom have attorney? If so, I think you need to go through your attorney to her attorney as to what is best for the boys. Maybe she'll listen to her attorney then.
I know in my experiences with my D's biofather that he would hire a new attorney (one that doesn't know the truth) and tells what he wants them to know. Then they file. Then my attorney contacts their attorney and all heck breaks loose b/c their attorney finds out they lied. See, I have had same attorney now for over 5 years. They have been through 3 attorneys in a year!
_________________________
Duct tape can't fix stupid but it can keep them out of the way."

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#228678 - 05/12/07 07:41 PM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
PhoenixRising Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
I totally understand what you are saying. And I AGREE with you...

But you are looking at this as a parent. You are not looking at this legally....

You are withholding them from their mother. She asked, you denied to do so under her terms. That is withholding. As a parent, everyone here completely agrees with you..

But you have filed no paperwork, you have no LEGAL right to not comply with her request on her terms..

I am sure a court will see things your way as this point. But if she continues to compile a litany of refusals (regardless of how good the reason) the tide could turn against you.

You haven't filed anything to secure your rights in all these years. By "trying to resolve things out of court", you are giving her time to create a case against you.

I was/am a good parent but I almost lost custody because I thought that was all that mattered. I didn't have the high-priced attorneys that could make almost anything look bad against me..

You need to file for divorce and temporary custody like yesterday. You should definitely get it just based on the status quo. After that, worry about how you are going to configure visitation in your kid's best interest...

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#228679 - 05/12/07 08:37 PM Re: Help.... [Re: EarlF]
supermansdaisy Offline
addict

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 658
Loc: SC
Well you will get plenty of legal advice, I am sure. I only have one piece of advice: continue to be supportive of a mother/child relationship. Never lose sight of the fact that the most important thing is the children, and helping them to grow with love.

I wish there were more parents out there like you...:)
_________________________
------------------------- A problem shared is a problem halved.

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