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#228680 - 05/12/07 08:45 PM Re: Help.... [Re: PhoenixRising]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
Pheonix is right. You need to file. Monday if possible. If you don't have an attorney or can't afford one, you can do it pro se until you get one (or whatever).

You need to legally establish your custody, regardless if she has been away for 100 years. She can say anything she wants when she gets to court (you hid them, beat her, absued her, PAS, whatever..it's very common), so do it now.

At the same time, set up supervised visitation with the kids. If really is in their best interest anyway and after you win physical custody (which you will as long as she doesnt use the abuse card) you can expand the visitation arrangement if the boys want that. Your kids are no longer at the age where they are going to be influeced by her much anyway.

It's extremely important to establish this stuff legally. Get off your a** and do it Daddy-O...

BTW, your kids will have a LOT of input into this as far as the court is concerned. Heck, one is going to be emancipated in a couple of years..it's not like they are infants.
_________________________
GO CUBBIES!!!!

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#228681 - 05/12/07 09:38 PM Re: Help.... [Re: PhoenixRising]
jimmie Offline
member

Registered: 12/19/06
Posts: 117
I think we all are in agreement as to what Earl should do, however, letting mom know that he and the kids are available to meet with her most evenings and he would allow for her parenting time in a neutral location does not sound like withholding to me. Just because the other parent is present doesn't mean the visit didn't count. I think dad in this case can and should offer only supervised time. He is there to supervise the children, not the other parent IMOP.

Besides, not only would sending the kids off willy nilly w/ mom be potentially very upsetting to the kids, it also sets a precedence that dad is just fine with letting them go off with her (IE kids do not need introduction phase or counseling etc). The dumbest thing Earl could do is not stand his ground in this case. It wouldn't be what he honestly thinks is the right thing And I believe what he thinks IS exactly the right thing.
But of course, he needs to listen to his lawyer...

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#228682 - 05/12/07 10:59 PM Re: Help.... [Re: jimmie]
FrustratedbyPA Offline
recently joined

Registered: 04/27/07
Posts: 24
Earl, I kind of jumped in on the backside here, but it seems like you are trying to do the best for your boys. I respect that. If all divorced parents concentrated on that, not their hurt feelings or need for control, many of these people here would not need help. Myself included.

Good Luck!!!!

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#228683 - 05/13/07 03:13 AM Re: Help.... [Re: supermansdaisy]
4yroldmom Offline
newbie

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 40
I think it depends on the state as to whether or not you Legally had to do anything. She left 8 years ago and you have records of offerings etc. of you trying to keep her involved and she wasn't. The court here says that basically I did the wrong thing by having an agreement with son's father because now I can't deny what we agreed to in court. Which is ridiculous because he hasn't excericised that right in MANY months and this goes on and on... Anyway - You are doing the right thing, but I would go see a lawyer. I know now that if we go back to mediation I'm adding a stipulation about missed visits and he can kiss it if he doesn't want to add the stipulation because IF we go back we are going to meet a state safe house where I drop off and he picks up and we don't have to speak to each other. And here if you miss or are more than 15 minutes late 2 times you automatically lose your visitation until you go back to court and can prove why you deserve it.

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#228684 - 05/13/07 03:17 AM Re: Help.... [Re: 4yroldmom]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
[quote]I think it depends on the state as to whether or not you Legally had to do anything. She left 8 years ago and you have records of offerings etc. of you trying to keep her involved and she wasn't. The court here says that basically I did the wrong thing by having an agreement with son's father because now I can't deny what we agreed to in court. Which is ridiculous because he hasn't excericised that right in MANY months and this goes on and on... Anyway - You are doing the right thing, but I would go see a lawyer. I know now that if we go back to mediation I'm adding a stipulation about missed visits and he can kiss it if he doesn't want to add the stipulation because IF we go back we are going to meet a state safe house where I drop off and he picks up and we don't have to speak to each other. And here if you miss or are more than 15 minutes late 2 times you automatically lose your visitation until you go back to court and can prove why you deserve it. [/quote]

No judge s going to order that. Although I agree the Dad should see his kids at each possible moment.
_________________________
GO CUBBIES!!!!

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#228685 - 05/13/07 03:20 AM Re: Help.... [Re: Relayer]
4yroldmom Offline
newbie

Registered: 10/09/05
Posts: 40
Really - i've done research here. It's part of the order when you go to a safe house. If you miss it you are done until you go back to court and request it back up again.

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