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#228961 - 05/14/07 12:41 AM Moms -vs- Dads
youngatheart Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 9498
This is also posted on the SF board...

So, I took my kiddos to church this morning, then we headed out to eat lunch with my grandmother. On the way there, the radio played a community service ad of sorts. Basically it was a "thank you" to moms. And they had many different people of different ages, genders, etc to say why moms are important and should be thanked. One of the reasons stated was by a female, I would say aged anywhere from mid to late teens. The comment was something along the lines of "because mom's do everything for us...mostly because dad doesn't want to". I found the comment to be in HORRIBLE taste, and, IMO just stero-typing what we as a society think dads are/should be. But I kept my mouth shut, and bristled quietly.

But, as the ad ended, my son pipes up from the backseat saying, "mom, that's not true!". I asked what he meant. He said, "that dads don't do anything, and moms do it all". All I could say in my pride was, "I'm really glad you caught that, and I agree with you."

While I'm really proud of my kiddo for catching this, and THINKING about it and VOICING his differing opinion, it leads me back to a thought I often have. Are we setting our society up to think that Dads are inferior to Moms? Do we, as women, make ourselves out to be victims of this mentality by doing everything and seemingly pushing Dads out of the way because they don't do it "right" or the way we would do it or fast enough or whatever?

Do we seemingly train our men to let us do everything, and then later, when the "honeymoon" wears off resent our men for it?

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#228962 - 05/14/07 12:47 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: youngatheart]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
[quote]This is also posted on the SF board...

So, I took my kiddos to church this morning, then we headed out to eat lunch with my grandmother. On the way there, the radio played a community service ad of sorts. Basically it was a "thank you" to moms. And they had many different people of different ages, genders, etc to say why moms are important and should be thanked. One of the reasons stated was by a female, I would say aged anywhere from mid to late teens. The comment was something along the lines of "because mom's do everything for us...mostly because dad doesn't want to". I found the comment to be in HORRIBLE taste, and, IMO just stero-typing what we as a society think dads are/should be. But I kept my mouth shut, and bristled quietly.

But, as the ad ended, my son pipes up from the backseat saying, "mom, that's not true!". I asked what he meant. He said, "that dads don't do anything, and moms do it all". All I could say in my pride was, "I'm really glad you caught that, and I agree with you."

While I'm really proud of my kiddo for catching this, and THINKING about it and VOICING his differing opinion, it leads me back to a thought I often have. Are we setting our society up to think that Dads are inferior to Moms? Do we, as women, make ourselves out to be victims of this mentality by doing everything and seemingly pushing Dads out of the way because they don't do it "right" or the way we would do it or fast enough or whatever?

Do we seemingly train our men to let us do everything, and then later, when the "honeymoon" wears off resent our men for it? [/quote]

I mean this sincerely with respect to all women, ya, thats kind of how it is.

Another thing that bothers me is you hear the term "stay at home Mom" (and Dad too), but you don't hear "Work all day Dad" (or Mom)

Or Single Mom (again, or Dad) only when it pertains to someone who has custody. Is the other parent not a Mom or Dad too?
_________________________
GO CUBBIES!!!!

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#228963 - 05/14/07 01:00 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Relayer]
youngatheart Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 9498
>>>Another thing that bothers me is you hear the term "stay at home Mom" (and Dad too), but you don't hear "Work all day Dad" (or Mom)<<<

No, you don't hear "work all day dad (or mom)", but you DO hear "working dad (or mom). Same thing, IMO.

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#228964 - 05/14/07 01:04 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Relayer]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
Well, in my case I tried everything to get Dad involved. Even when we were still together. He made the decision that everything else in life was more important than the kids and me. Fishing, the dog, casinos, beer, etc.... we were somewhere pretty far down on the list.

I tell him about the doctor appointments, encourage him to pick DS up from preschool and encourage him to attend preschool events. He is always too busy.

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#228965 - 05/14/07 01:25 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Relayer]
Rebecca5 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
Anyone who isn't married, but has children is a "single parent," whether they divorced, their spouse died, they adopted....whatever. It's up to them to refer to themselves with whatever label they're comfortable.

I hear the term "working parent" fairly often.

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#228966 - 05/14/07 01:45 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Rebecca5]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
I call myself a single parent and it kills me.

I am single, I am a parent, I have to work outside the home, I help out at preschool when they need it, I take care of the house stuff too. (Although recently I have hired a nice lady to clean my house every other week.)

All parents are working parents - either in or out of the home.

I haven't found a comfortable place yet.

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#228967 - 05/14/07 02:23 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: youngatheart]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
I must of married two good men...... because actually... they chip in 50%!

My ex didn't help in cleaning and stuff.... but he is fab. with our daughter... he always changed her diapers and he was 100% hands on with her from the beginning.......

My hubby is wonderful!! He cleans, he does yardwork and he's 100% hands on dad.... He changed our son's diapers 50% of the time AND cleans up the throw up 100% of the time!!!

I think kids pick up what the other parent wants them to pick up... My son would never say I did everything.... he knows better... same with our daughter...

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#228968 - 05/14/07 02:24 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: 1004SRS]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
I've never been a single mom... my ex has never been a single dad......

We were divorcee's who co-parented.

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#228969 - 05/14/07 03:51 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Runswithscissors]
focusedon2 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
[quote]I've never been a single mom... my ex has never been a single dad...... [/quote]

I feel that way, too. I have a hard time referring to myself as a single mom. The expression brings to mind those individuals who are out there doing it all alone, with no one to coparent their children with.

I don't know how they do it.

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#228970 - 05/14/07 03:58 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Relayer]
focusedon2 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
[quote]o we seemingly train our men to let us do everything, and then later, when the "honeymoon" wears off resent our men for it? [/quote]

I didn't train my ex. He was great with the kids. He didn't do dishes, cook dinner, wash clothes. Do you think I said, "hey I insist you be great at fixing cars and mowing lawns but I refuse to let you do the dishes"?

My ex did what he was comfortable with.

But I didn't resent him for it. I believe that you don't have to both be mom or both be dad. If "role-playing" works for you, then so what. My stepfather (who was my Dad for the past 35 years) didn't cook my dinner or make my bath or, well, in any way act like my mother. He did teach me to swim, drove me to college (back and forth) and other stuff. I don't resent him because he wasn't my Mom. I don't resent my Mom because she wasn't my Dad.

They were different and I never expected them to be the same. Many people can easily say my Mom was one who did most of the child care (or my Dad was) and I still love both my parents. In the past, before divorce, parents didn't have to be both Mom and Dad.

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