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#228961 - 05/14/07 12:41 AM Moms -vs- Dads
youngatheart Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 9498
This is also posted on the SF board...

So, I took my kiddos to church this morning, then we headed out to eat lunch with my grandmother. On the way there, the radio played a community service ad of sorts. Basically it was a "thank you" to moms. And they had many different people of different ages, genders, etc to say why moms are important and should be thanked. One of the reasons stated was by a female, I would say aged anywhere from mid to late teens. The comment was something along the lines of "because mom's do everything for us...mostly because dad doesn't want to". I found the comment to be in HORRIBLE taste, and, IMO just stero-typing what we as a society think dads are/should be. But I kept my mouth shut, and bristled quietly.

But, as the ad ended, my son pipes up from the backseat saying, "mom, that's not true!". I asked what he meant. He said, "that dads don't do anything, and moms do it all". All I could say in my pride was, "I'm really glad you caught that, and I agree with you."

While I'm really proud of my kiddo for catching this, and THINKING about it and VOICING his differing opinion, it leads me back to a thought I often have. Are we setting our society up to think that Dads are inferior to Moms? Do we, as women, make ourselves out to be victims of this mentality by doing everything and seemingly pushing Dads out of the way because they don't do it "right" or the way we would do it or fast enough or whatever?

Do we seemingly train our men to let us do everything, and then later, when the "honeymoon" wears off resent our men for it?

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#228962 - 05/14/07 12:47 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: youngatheart]
Relayer Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 03/13/07
Posts: 9506
Loc: Moorglade Mover
[quote]This is also posted on the SF board...

So, I took my kiddos to church this morning, then we headed out to eat lunch with my grandmother. On the way there, the radio played a community service ad of sorts. Basically it was a "thank you" to moms. And they had many different people of different ages, genders, etc to say why moms are important and should be thanked. One of the reasons stated was by a female, I would say aged anywhere from mid to late teens. The comment was something along the lines of "because mom's do everything for us...mostly because dad doesn't want to". I found the comment to be in HORRIBLE taste, and, IMO just stero-typing what we as a society think dads are/should be. But I kept my mouth shut, and bristled quietly.

But, as the ad ended, my son pipes up from the backseat saying, "mom, that's not true!". I asked what he meant. He said, "that dads don't do anything, and moms do it all". All I could say in my pride was, "I'm really glad you caught that, and I agree with you."

While I'm really proud of my kiddo for catching this, and THINKING about it and VOICING his differing opinion, it leads me back to a thought I often have. Are we setting our society up to think that Dads are inferior to Moms? Do we, as women, make ourselves out to be victims of this mentality by doing everything and seemingly pushing Dads out of the way because they don't do it "right" or the way we would do it or fast enough or whatever?

Do we seemingly train our men to let us do everything, and then later, when the "honeymoon" wears off resent our men for it? [/quote]

I mean this sincerely with respect to all women, ya, thats kind of how it is.

Another thing that bothers me is you hear the term "stay at home Mom" (and Dad too), but you don't hear "Work all day Dad" (or Mom)

Or Single Mom (again, or Dad) only when it pertains to someone who has custody. Is the other parent not a Mom or Dad too?
_________________________
GO CUBBIES!!!!

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#228963 - 05/14/07 01:00 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Relayer]
youngatheart Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 9498
>>>Another thing that bothers me is you hear the term "stay at home Mom" (and Dad too), but you don't hear "Work all day Dad" (or Mom)<<<

No, you don't hear "work all day dad (or mom)", but you DO hear "working dad (or mom). Same thing, IMO.

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#228964 - 05/14/07 01:04 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Relayer]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
Well, in my case I tried everything to get Dad involved. Even when we were still together. He made the decision that everything else in life was more important than the kids and me. Fishing, the dog, casinos, beer, etc.... we were somewhere pretty far down on the list.

I tell him about the doctor appointments, encourage him to pick DS up from preschool and encourage him to attend preschool events. He is always too busy.

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#228965 - 05/14/07 01:25 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Relayer]
Rebecca5 Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
Anyone who isn't married, but has children is a "single parent," whether they divorced, their spouse died, they adopted....whatever. It's up to them to refer to themselves with whatever label they're comfortable.

I hear the term "working parent" fairly often.

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#228966 - 05/14/07 01:45 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Rebecca5]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
I call myself a single parent and it kills me.

I am single, I am a parent, I have to work outside the home, I help out at preschool when they need it, I take care of the house stuff too. (Although recently I have hired a nice lady to clean my house every other week.)

All parents are working parents - either in or out of the home.

I haven't found a comfortable place yet.

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#228967 - 05/14/07 02:23 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: youngatheart]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
I must of married two good men...... because actually... they chip in 50%!

My ex didn't help in cleaning and stuff.... but he is fab. with our daughter... he always changed her diapers and he was 100% hands on with her from the beginning.......

My hubby is wonderful!! He cleans, he does yardwork and he's 100% hands on dad.... He changed our son's diapers 50% of the time AND cleans up the throw up 100% of the time!!!

I think kids pick up what the other parent wants them to pick up... My son would never say I did everything.... he knows better... same with our daughter...

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#228968 - 05/14/07 02:24 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: 1004SRS]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
I've never been a single mom... my ex has never been a single dad......

We were divorcee's who co-parented.

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#228969 - 05/14/07 03:51 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Runswithscissors]
focusedon2 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
[quote]I've never been a single mom... my ex has never been a single dad...... [/quote]

I feel that way, too. I have a hard time referring to myself as a single mom. The expression brings to mind those individuals who are out there doing it all alone, with no one to coparent their children with.

I don't know how they do it.

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#228970 - 05/14/07 03:58 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Relayer]
focusedon2 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/10/05
Posts: 2136
[quote]o we seemingly train our men to let us do everything, and then later, when the "honeymoon" wears off resent our men for it? [/quote]

I didn't train my ex. He was great with the kids. He didn't do dishes, cook dinner, wash clothes. Do you think I said, "hey I insist you be great at fixing cars and mowing lawns but I refuse to let you do the dishes"?

My ex did what he was comfortable with.

But I didn't resent him for it. I believe that you don't have to both be mom or both be dad. If "role-playing" works for you, then so what. My stepfather (who was my Dad for the past 35 years) didn't cook my dinner or make my bath or, well, in any way act like my mother. He did teach me to swim, drove me to college (back and forth) and other stuff. I don't resent him because he wasn't my Mom. I don't resent my Mom because she wasn't my Dad.

They were different and I never expected them to be the same. Many people can easily say my Mom was one who did most of the child care (or my Dad was) and I still love both my parents. In the past, before divorce, parents didn't have to be both Mom and Dad.

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#228971 - 05/14/07 04:05 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: focusedon2]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
I get frustrated when I hear some mother's refer to themselves as "single" moms.. especially those that have ex's that WANT to do more with their children... but mom won't "let" them......... I am like.. you are a single mother because your HEAD is in your ass and you choose to be!

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#228972 - 05/14/07 04:19 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Runswithscissors]
youngatheart Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 09/04/05
Posts: 9498
But they ARE single moms. They are single (as in not married) and a mom.

I very much consider myself to be a single mom. But that doesn't mean that my children don't have a father. I'll be just as much a single mom this summer when they are living with him....their single dad.

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#228973 - 05/14/07 05:01 AM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: focusedon2]
mommy2boys Offline
addict

Registered: 06/02/05
Posts: 497
Loc: Louisiana
We do it out of necessity and love for our children, just as all other involved parents do.

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#228974 - 05/14/07 04:41 PM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: Runswithscissors]
yregna Offline
veteran

Registered: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
Quote " My ex didn't help in cleaning and stuff.... but he is fab. with our daughter... he always changed her diapers and he was 100% hands on with her from the beginning.......

My hubby is wonderful!! He cleans, he does yardwork and he's 100% hands on dad.... He changed our son's diapers 50% of the time AND cleans up the throw up 100% of the time!!! "

That sounds great and I did the same things, but in the end they will both pay CS or Alimony or Both. Nice fairy tale...
_________________________
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..." "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

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#228975 - 05/14/07 05:10 PM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: yregna]
HatesCaroline Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 2
For a "journeyman" you don't know too much about Caroline, yregna.

This feminazi PIG already has a come back for you. It is: "I pay child support." This is such a typical response for her and the others. Bottom line about Caroline's "truth?" She is a "friend of the court." That alone should speak volumes...

Oh, and trying to distance me by indicating that I am more "far out" than you is disgraceful to the male gender.

You may not like my delivery, but look at what is posted. Undisputable facts. Not like the fairy tales that the feminazi PIGS dribble...

Oh, and who the hell is this guy E R I C that no one can type without doctoring his name? That goes double for whatever F I R M stands for. Someone told me that F I R M stands for something like Fathers Integrity & Rights Movement. Is that true?

:) ;) (b) (d)

http://groups.msn.com/FathersIntegrityRightsMovementFIRM/messages.msnw

And, don't forget... Off with their freak'n heads! :)

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#228976 - 05/14/07 05:26 PM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: focusedon2]
rocketgirl Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/24/04
Posts: 8562
Loc: On the beach in 14 years...
It isn't easy... :)
_________________________
Lisa Diplomacy - the art of telling someone to go to hell, and them looking forward to the trip.

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#228977 - 05/14/07 05:33 PM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: yregna]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
That sounds great and I did the same things, but in the end they will both pay CS or Alimony or Both. Nice fairy tale...

------------->really? You know this for sure. Funny.. I pay CS.

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#228978 - 05/14/07 05:38 PM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: youngatheart]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Instead of finding the comment in horrible taste, feel bad for the young girl who sees life that way. I'd have to guess that her dad isn't around. I know we don't know why. Maybe he didn't want to be and maybe the girls mother drove him off. To me it's just sad that she sees it that way. I'm a f!rm believer that a girls first important relationship with a man is the one with her daddy. I have a great friend who is single handedly raising his daughter because his x wife is an on-the-run-drug addict. Chances are she is going to feel the same way about mom's as the girl you heard feels about dad's. It's sad.

My x was great father for 12 years. For the past year he hasn't been allowed to be a father based on his own stupidity. He did as much for our girls as I did. When we divorced we had a 50/50 agreement and I can tell you it rubbed me the wrong way when he told someone in front of a mutual friend how hard it was to be a full time single father with no help. You can bet I laid into him over that one.
_________________________
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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#228979 - 05/14/07 05:59 PM If it was random sampling... [Re: Debi]
gr8Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/07/04
Posts: 31796
...on live television, you would be correct. It was a commecial, edited to have an effect on the listener, so the comment was chosen to reflect something. Unfortunately, the editor chose it to reflect their personal feelings.
_________________________
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...

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#228980 - 05/14/07 06:11 PM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: HatesCaroline]
BeckaLeigh Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/08/05
Posts: 6879
Loc: Texas
There ya go. The old E r i c. Tsk, tsk.
_________________________
I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.

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#228981 - 05/14/07 06:35 PM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: HatesCaroline]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
Yes, I do pay CS as I am the NCP. Friends of the court? No, I am not FOC. I do not do custody battles. I work with DSS and abused children. Very much different.

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#228982 - 05/14/07 06:36 PM Re: If it was random sampling... [Re: gr8Dad]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Sorry, I just re-read and discovered that I mis-read. I was thinking it was a live call in sort of thing.
_________________________
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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#228983 - 05/14/07 06:37 PM Re: Moms -vs- Dads [Re: youngatheart]
sassyisme Offline
recently joined

Registered: 05/04/07
Posts: 24
It all depends on the situation. No two are the same. In my case, my husband and I share the responsibility of everything except my hobby, my stables.

In his case with his daughter, he never had a chance. Mom took off. So, you cant just stereo-type, but most people go off of their individual situations and experiences.
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Sassy

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