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#229194 - 05/14/07 06:57 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: Runswithscissors]
c_jane Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 1951
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
Yeah, and dear ol' dad doesn't realize that WHEN we go back to mediation, the court will NOT take time AWAY from me -- and they just MIGHT give me MORE time, since that's what son wishes. I'm willing to take that gamble...

And meantime, DAD is having to borrow from his retirement fund ever time I drag his sorry a** back to court. I have money saved up -- court's not costing me anything basically. So we'll go back to mediation every year son wants to until he's 12......

And to every one else that warned me against the 'other poster' ...... thanks. I wasn't upset; I thought it was kinda funny. He hates women just as much as I hate MEN!!


[quote]C_jane, UNLESS you are endangering the child, I wouldn't worry about it.... I always have had the mentality- You're the custodial parent.. WHAT more can you do to me? You will always have visitation.. he can't take that away (unless, again... of child endangerment).

Just continue to be mom, what happens at your house is YOUR business! [/quote]
_________________________
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.

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#229195 - 05/14/07 07:05 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: c_jane]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
C_jane.

I don't know your situation... so how about refreshing me. The only concern I see is that maybe your way of doing it is not healthy either. Is the father endangering the son? If not, why not ask for 50%? I realize that you are somewhat bitter of the ex having custody and I try to realize that not everyone has the situation I have... however.. I have this situation because I kept my child OUT of the courts. I have trouble with any person using a child as a pawn.... especially in custody battles. Sometimes a parent may have to sit back and allow their child to have the best, normal life they can have...... does it mean I love my daughter less? HELL NO.... I did what I did because I love her and didn't want her life to be all bitter......

Give me more details about your situation....

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#229196 - 05/14/07 07:07 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: Runswithscissors]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
Okay.. I just went back and read.. you are not asking for MORE time than dad.. you are asking for equal time......

With that said.... maintain your cool..... try to keep your son out of it as much as possible..... and let us know how it goes!

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#229197 - 05/14/07 07:20 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: Runswithscissors]
c_jane Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 1951
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
Son WANTS to spend every other week with each of us. I would be more than happy to do that. HOWEVER.... last time son wanted to just spend TUESDAY night with me (as well as the ordered Thursday night) Dad told him 'no'. Son asked but 'why Dad? why can't I spend another weeknight at Mom's? I want to."

Dad's reply? "Well son I'm just acting in your best interest. I just want what's best for you."

Son: "So how is staying at Mom's not best for me?"

Dad had no answer to that. Son said he just sighed &amp; walked out of the room. And what's he gonna tell son? "Because I'm an a** and I hate your Mom's guts &amp; the only way I can get back at her is through you so that's why I have to tell you 'no' to seeing your mom"?? We know that's never gonna happen. so instead he's gonna make me drag his arse back to mediation so son &amp; I can get more time together.

And the only way son is going to get what HE wants is if he comes to live with me because I'm NOT playing games, even tho I hate his dad's guts too.....



[quote]Okay.. I just went back and read.. you are not asking for MORE time than dad.. you are asking for equal time......

With that said.... maintain your cool..... try to keep your son out of it as much as possible..... and let us know how it goes! [/quote]
_________________________
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.

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#229198 - 05/14/07 08:37 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: c_jane]
supermansdaisy Offline
addict

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 658
Loc: SC
C Jane,

I am also NCP with dad as CP. I have the boys Mondays, Tuesdays, and EOW. I've been put through the same exact boloney you have (even the 6 year old getting a BB gun!)

My ex even filed for FULL custody in January of 2005. He had gotten remarried and just thought he'd like the kids more, and was tired of dealing with me. Well, after two long years and a guardian ad litem, and many trips to court, he learned that you can't just HAVE the kids because you WANT TO.

Keep your power. Your time is just that: YOUR time. Do what is right by the kids, don't badmouth their dad (wait until they leave, at least), and enjoy the time you have with them.

If you ever need to vent, you can PM me. I am very familiar with the feelings you are experiencing. I still struggle with it myself. For instance, DS10 doesn't have his baseball cap with his uniform (they didn't pack it for him yesterday). He called his SM, who is at home, and asked her to bring it. She just said she'd call his dad and maybe he would bring it by. But you know? I would think SM would drag her a$$ off the couch and bring it over (5 miles) since she forgot to pack it. I told DS10 that I wasn't going to get it and that he needed to remember his own responsibility in this. BUT I am NOT going to drive over there, which is what SM wants. SM is weird...she REFUSES to drive to my house. I do ALL drop-offs/pick-ups. She wishes I were dead.
_________________________
------------------------- A problem shared is a problem halved.

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#229199 - 05/14/07 09:53 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: c_jane]
Gecko Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 20602
Loc: Third rock from the sun
From Ex I've gotten "I don't want Son to ride the bus to your house from the school. I want him to come here JUST LIKE HE'S ALWAYS DONE &amp; SM can watch him &amp; you can continue to pick him up from my house." Well, son IS riding the bus over Dad's objections.

---&gt; If I'm reading this correctly, then I think that YOU are in the wrong here and should NOT be encouraging the child to disobey Dad.

NOW I find out that they questioned Son on whether I 'ever' let him go to McDonald's by himself. McDonald's is at the front of our subdivision 2.5 blocks away. No streets to cross either way. Yes, I let son go there on 4 occassions -- 2 with other boys &amp; 2 by himself. He takes his cell phone &amp; is to call me when he gets there &amp; when he leaves. It takes 3 MINUTES to ride back. I know -- we've times it.

---&gt; I used to not ask question of the kids if it involved the other parent's house because I didn't want to be accused of interferring or spying or whatever...now I don't give a damn. If I have concerns...because of something I see or hear...you damn straight I'm going to question OUR children!

I would just like to tell Ex- 'what happens at Mom's house STAYS at Mom's house'.... I am so sick of him trying to run MY time when I have Son I could SCREAM!

---&gt; Huh? I don't see in EITHER example that YOU provided ANY indication the your ex is trying to run "your time"?
_________________________
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

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#229200 - 05/14/07 10:18 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: c_jane]
PhoenixRising Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
C Jane..

I also have a 4th grader and I would never allow him to go anywhere by himself... BUT you know what? My opinion doesn't matter, you are his mother; you know your child. What isnít right for my child might be perfectly fine for yours.

You are perfectly able to judge whether your son can handle that kind of responsibility. AND you have every right to do so WITHOUT your exíz interference.

I assume this is an "accepted" "normal" allowed excursion for 10yr olds in your neighborhood because you said two other boys were allowed to accompany your son.

Are there any other children that are allowed to go by themselves, though?

I only ask because I have been on the receiving end of 22 child abuse charges. It is never fun.

On only one of them, I was found guilty: I made my child run around outside to calm down and he skinned his knee.

Being registered child abuser had a catastrophic effect on my goal of becoming a teacher. My Appeal cost thousands of dollars. Here is the decision in part:
http://pic60.picturetrail.com/VOL1780/8916437/16451040/252619812.jpg
http://pic60.picturetrail.com/VOL1780/8916437/16451040/252619868.jpg
http://pic60.picturetrail.com/VOL1780/8916437/16451040/252619853.jpg

If I were you and was planning to go back to court to ask for more time, I would err on the conservative side. No sense in giving him any ammunition.

The no helmet while dirt biking is life threatening. How can you let that continue? Putting aside that your child could be severely injured; do you know that in case of injury, you could be held as equally guilty as your ex because you knew and did nothing about it?

If this is ongoing, write your GAL today!

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#229201 - 05/14/07 10:27 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: PhoenixRising]
HatesFeminazis Offline
newbie

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 47
OMG!

My parents must have been the worst ever!

Afterall, I rode my bicycle a good 2 miles to school...in KINDERGARTEN!

Sheesh!

When will over protecting, undermining, not allowing children to be children ever stop?
_________________________
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win-so read me.

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#229202 - 05/14/07 10:30 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: PhoenixRising]
Gecko Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 20602
Loc: Third rock from the sun
You are perfectly able to judge whether your son can handle that kind of responsibility. AND you have every right to do so WITHOUT your exíz interference.

---&gt; Really? What if the ex thinks it's ok if our teenager son/daughter goes on a co-ed camping trip...with no adults. What if the ex thinks our child can swim well enough to NOT be supervised in the pool? Would my commenting or objecting be "interferring"?

---&gt; In a way...I have to agree with our woman-hating friend above; I have seen many times when it's ok if the Mom makes the decision, but not ok if it's the Dad.

---&gt; I can remember the ex throwing a fit about my teaching our children to shoot (.22 rifle) and I didn't consider his anger to be "interference", but simple parental concern. Once he discovered that the children were carefully supervised, that only one child got to fire at a time and they wore glasses and ear plugs...he was ok with it.
_________________________
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

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#229203 - 05/14/07 10:31 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: Gecko]
HatesFeminazis Offline
newbie

Registered: 05/13/07
Posts: 47
-------------&gt;Yeppers. HateFeminazis haters Gecky babe, too. :)
_________________________
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win-so read me.

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