c_jane, are you not doing the same thing that you claim your ex is doing? How else would you know that son received a BB gun for Christmas, that he is riding a dirt bike without a helmet, that his older sister or SM is always watching him?
How would YOU know about a conversation that son had with Dad about spending an extra day with you? If you keep taking Dad to mediation, I would totally understand how Dad may have been told to follow the CO to the letter. That would mean if the CO says that you are to pick up/drop off than they will not drive. No extra time because if he does than it *may* be seen that he doesn't want the child as much as you do.
As for the baseball cap, I'm not sure but 10 yo who are in the 4th grade should have some responsibility. Why is it SM fault for not packing the cap?
Many of the things that you mention is a difference in parenting style. What I do NOT agree with is that you keep running to court or medication whenever it sounds like your son gets upset with his Dad or SM. Why would you encourage your son to disobey Dad by riding the bus to your home? If son is riding the bus and YOU say nothing about it eventhough you KNOW that son is not suppose to than YOU are encouraging it.
Remember there ARE two sides to every story. Have you ever thought that your son is "playing" both sides? He may be telling you what you want to hear, that is NOT uncommon especially since you and your ex do not talk.
BTW, for your own information, if you keep running to court with petty issues the court maynot believe anything you have to say. From my understanding, mediation is used to get the parties to agree to something after a motion has been filed with the court. Mediation is not court binding until a Judge signs off on it. So if you keep going to mediation but haven't been in front of a Judge, it seems that your filings may not have merit.