Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online

Page 5 of 6 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 >
Topic Options
#229224 - 05/15/07 01:36 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: BeckaLeigh]
Tweeby Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
I read the statement the same way, she wasn't generalizing but stating HER opinion.

I also agree that Moms with sons need to have a good attitude about men in general. The little boy is going to grow into a man one day.

Top
#229225 - 05/15/07 01:39 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's hou [Re: Redlegg]
BeckaLeigh Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/08/05
Posts: 6879
Loc: Texas
I was wondering the same thing. i dont know yregna's story but he sounds like a very hateful person most of the time. And loves to have the kids hating mom. Sad. I hate my X at times, but would never encourage them to disrespect him.
_________________________
I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.

Top
#229226 - 05/15/07 02:38 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: Tweeby]
c_jane Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 1951
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
Ummmm, let me see if I can clear some misconceptions up. I have SEEN the BB gun when I went to pick up son after Xmas that one year &amp; they were firing it in the backyard. SON asked me to come see it. I have SEEN the dirt bike in their garage when I picked son up &amp; SON has told me he 'fell off the bike in the ditch &amp; bumped his head because he did not have a helmet on." He DOES have a helmet because his dad's other son takes our son to the dirt bike track also to ride &amp; they HAVE to wear a helmet there.

We went to mediation (the FIRST time since we divorced in '98) in April 2006. (So no, I haven't drug him back to mediation 'constantly'). Son had a GAL. I wanted more time; Dad was/is adamantly against it. Probably because his LAWYER has told him if he 'loses' any more time it could mean a reduction in CS, and Dad has TOLD family members (that I still talk to) that 'he doesn't know how they could pay their bills if they lost any of the CS I send them'.

In the mod. papers IT IS WRITTEN that son's wishes should be considered. It is written that he is to spend his school holidays with ME, not SM, because he was spending MOST of his time with SM, not either of his parents since Dad works 50 weeks/year &amp; 60+hours each week, incl. Saturdays. The GAL did NOT think it was in son's best interest to spend his vacations/holidays/summer with SM and I agree. Esp. since I live 2 minutes away in the same SUBDIVISION (yes I moved to follow Ex- so I have been planning this for a while). AND I work for a school district so I only work 195 days/year &amp; have off the same holidays/vacations.

It is also ORDERED in the mod. order that we go to mediation FIRST if we are in disagreement about something. I have no problem with that. I have been told by the mediator, the GAL, AND my lawyer that they ALL know Ex's lawyer and he DOES NOT mediate. His stock answer to everything is 'we'll see you in court'. He and Ex- belong together. They are both Jerks.

When son was a toddler I BEGGED Ex- to let me keep son during the summers/vacations when I was off (this was before SM quit her job) &amp; I would do ALL the driving to get son &amp; bring him back to Dad's during Dad's time. He refused. Telling me to my face that 'son was better off in daycare than with me and if he'd had his way I would NEVER even SEE son again.' This is a man looking out for his child's best interest?? He has even tried to get son to call SM 'mommy D' because he tells son "she's been more than a SM to you &amp; I just don't like the name 'stepmom'." I have NEVER told son what he could/could not call SM -- he refused on his own. Son has &amp; will continue to have a strong relationship with me.

The baseball cap thing was another poster.

Most recently son has been asking to spend MORE time with me. He already spends one night a week (per last year's mod order) &amp; I put him on the bus for school the next morning. He REALLY wants to split week on/week off with each of us. Which would be fine with me, but of course not with Dad. So I talked to Dad about it &amp; then he told son no, son could spend the AFTERNOON with me but not another night. SOn told me he asked Dad "But why? I want to spend another night with Mom. Why can't I?" and Dad said "Well, because I'm just considering your best interests. I'm just thinking of what's best for you." So son then asked "So how is spending the night at Mom's not what's best for me?" and he said Dad just sighed &amp; walked out of the room. Because Ex- DOESN'T have an answer, except he wants to CONTROL me &amp; he sees that control slowly slipping away as son gets more &amp; more vocal. Son has asked ME to let him go back &amp; talk to the GAL about what SON wants. I just have the money to do so.

And Dad can NOT tell son he is NOT to ride the bus to MY house, for MY court-ordered possession time, since my time is stated to start 'when school is dismissed, etc.' So I am NOT encouraging son to disobey Dad -- I would never do that. The GAL and my lawyer BOTH told me this in mediation. The GAL further stated that when my son was 10 'she would be OK' with him riding the bus to my house. So this has already been covered in detail. Dad just can't accept it. He's not 'in control' of the situation &amp; that irks him.

And I'm sorry but I do NOT think son wanting to spend MORE time with me is a 'petty issue'. The original post was about DAD trying to tell ME what I SHOULD BE doing/not doing with Son on MY time. Which there is no solution to really. And the post I made about 'all men are scum' was directed at YERGNA as a DIG to what he said about MY POST. Really it was tongue-in-cheek so don't get your boxers/panties in a knot about that.

Finally, I live in Texas. In absence of abuse, criminal behavior, child molestation, etc. at TWELVE a child can sign an affidavit stating which parent s/he wishes to live with. The judge will confer with him/her, but unless it can be PROVEN not to be 'in the child's best interests' the judge will sign off on it. Or at least in the court we're in, which is what my lawyer and the GAL AND mediator told me.



[quote]c_jane, are you not doing the same thing that you claim your ex is doing? How else would you know that son received a BB gun for Christmas, that he is riding a dirt bike without a helmet, that his older sister or SM is always watching him?

How would YOU know about a conversation that son had with Dad about spending an extra day with you? If you keep taking Dad to mediation, I would totally understand how Dad may have been told to follow the CO to the letter. That would mean if the CO says that you are to pick up/drop off than they will not drive. No extra time because if he does than it *may* be seen that he doesn't want the child as much as you do.

As for the baseball cap, I'm not sure but 10 yo who are in the 4th grade should have some responsibility. Why is it SM fault for not packing the cap?

Many of the things that you mention is a difference in parenting style. What I do NOT agree with is that you keep running to court or medication whenever it sounds like your son gets upset with his Dad or SM. Why would you encourage your son to disobey Dad by riding the bus to your home? If son is riding the bus and YOU say nothing about it eventhough you KNOW that son is not suppose to than YOU are encouraging it.

Remember there ARE two sides to every story. Have you ever thought that your son is "playing" both sides? He may be telling you what you want to hear, that is NOT uncommon especially since you and your ex do not talk.

BTW, for your own information, if you keep running to court with petty issues the court maynot believe anything you have to say. From my understanding, mediation is used to get the parties to agree to something after a motion has been filed with the court. Mediation is not court binding until a Judge signs off on it. So if you keep going to mediation but haven't been in front of a Judge, it seems that your filings may not have merit. [/quote]
_________________________
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.

Top
#229227 - 05/15/07 03:29 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: c_jane]
Tweeby Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/05/04
Posts: 7100
Well lets see what you HAVE and have NOT said. Your 1st post:
[quote] From Ex I've gotten "I don't want Son to ride the bus to your house from the school. I want him to come here JUST LIKE HE'S ALWAYS DONE &amp; SM can watch him &amp; you can continue to pick him up from my house." Well, son IS riding the bus over Dad's objections. [/quote]

But now you say: [quote] And Dad can NOT tell son he is NOT to ride the bus to MY house, for MY court-ordered possession time, since my time is stated to start 'when school is dismissed, etc.' So I am NOT encouraging son to disobey Dad -- I would never do that. [/quote]

You 1st post SEEMS like you were having the child disobey Dad.

Next one about the BB gun and dirt bike. Your 1st post:
[quote]Did I call Ex- up when I found out Son (at 8!) got a BB Gun for Xmas &amp; voice my opinions of guns in general &amp; how I wanted Ex- to get rid of it right away?!! No of course not, because he would have told me 'go to H**l." When Ex- got Son a dirt bike &amp; lets him ride it on his property WITHOUT A HELMET did I tell him he couldn't allow that? [/quote]

Your most recent post:
[quote] I have SEEN the BB gun when I went to pick up son after Xmas that one year &amp; they were firing it in the backyard. SON asked me to come see it. I have SEEN the dirt bike in their garage when I picked son up &amp; SON has told me he 'fell off the bike in the ditch &amp; bumped his head because he did not have a helmet on." He DOES have a helmet because his dad's other son takes our son to the dirt bike track also to ride &amp; they HAVE to wear a helmet there.
[/quote]

So you DO see and talk to your son about what happens at dad's house. Just as your ex MAY have seen or heard that you son was walking to McDonald's. So far you have NOT stated that your ex said ANYTHING to you about the child going to McDonalds alone, just that you son told you that he and his Dad TALKED about it.

In one of your posts you write:
[quote]And meantime, DAD is having to borrow from his retirement fund ever time I drag his sorry a** back to court. I have money saved up -- court's not costing me anything basically. So we'll go back to mediation every year son wants to until he's 12...... [/quote]

But NOW you state:
[quote]We went to mediation (the FIRST time since we divorced in '98) in April 2006. (So no, I haven't drug him back to mediation 'constantly') [/quote]

So which is it? have you been to court a few times or that you PLANNING on taking him back to court over and over until you get what you want?

IF you READ my post, I said:
[quote] [u]From my understanding[/u] , mediation is used to get the parties to agree to something after a motion has been filed with the court. Mediation is not court binding until a Judge signs off on it. So if you keep going to mediation but haven't been in front of a Judge, it seems that your filings may not have merit. [/quote]

I Stated "From my understanding" meaning that is HOW I understod it. It could be different and all you had to do was explain how it is with your CO. I have been on her for a while and personally, I have not heard where mediation was ordered before there was even a court filing. I could be wrong since I do not know about ALL places.

I would of had NO problem and most likely would totally agree with you on getting more time like 50/50 placement. But once you start to madmouth and say everything that your ex is doing wrong and how you KNOW your son will be with you at age 12, is when I started to pull apart everything YOU said.

Kids DO need both parents. Your posts, IMO, come across as someone who is VERY angry and will do anything to get custody of your child.

Edited to add:
You said, [quote]And the post I made about 'all men are scum' was directed at YERGNA as a DIG to what he said about MY POST. Really it was tongue-in-cheek so don't get your boxers/panties in a knot about that. [/quote]

I DID post about that:
[quote] read the statement the same way, she wasn't generalizing but stating HER opinion.

I also agree that Moms with sons need to have a good attitude about men in general. The little boy is going to grow into a man one day. [/quote]


Edited by Tweeby (05/15/07 03:31 PM)

Top
#229228 - 05/15/07 05:26 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's hou [Re: c_jane]
lifegoeson Offline
addict

Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 415
Tell your son to wear his helmet, it should be a habit not to start the bike until the helmet is on. Same as a seatbelt in a car.
Do you want more time with son, so you can reduce CS?
As for the father stating he doesn't think it is in the best interest of the child to spend more time with you, well I'm sure he has his reasons, and maybe those reasons, (like maybe mom is off her rocker, bad mouths SM, or has different values than Dad) are reasons he doesn't think son needs to hear. Parents don't HAVE to give a child a reason for any of their decisions.
As for the bus issue, most schools do not allow kids to get off the bus here one day and there the next. Sounds to me like you don't like SM too much.
Judges will CONSIDER the child's wishes, doesn't mean it will happen.


Edited by lifegoeson (05/15/07 05:28 PM)
_________________________
Stand up for what you believe in, even if you are standing alone.

Top
#229229 - 05/15/07 05:47 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's house!! [Re: Tweeby]
Runswithscissors Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 05/30/04
Posts: 13394
Tweeby.. gotta love ya..... but ya can't fix stupid! : )
I give you credit for trying though!!

Top
#229230 - 05/15/07 06:30 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's hou [Re: lifegoeson]
Gecko Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 20602
Loc: Third rock from the sun
Do you want more time with son, so you can reduce CS?

---&gt; Why the f*ck does everyone ASSUME that JUST because a NCP wants more time with their child(ren), it can ONLY be to reduce child support?!?
_________________________
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!

Top
#229231 - 05/15/07 06:44 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's hou [Re: Gecko]
lifegoeson Offline
addict

Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 415
Just a question, not an assumption.
My suggestion to Op is to encourage a better relationship between yourself and your ex. Since you are only a few blocks away from each other, I don't see why son couldn't go to mom's house to play or eat or just be with mom. It is only a bike ride away. Just seems to me there is SOMETHING that DAD doesn't trust about mom.
_________________________
Stand up for what you believe in, even if you are standing alone.

Top
#229232 - 05/15/07 06:46 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's hou [Re: Gecko]
lifegoeson Offline
addict

Registered: 12/28/06
Posts: 415
Just so you know, I am NCP, mom, and spend as much time with my child as she and I want. That is where getting along with the ex comes in. No change is support either.
_________________________
Stand up for what you believe in, even if you are standing alone.

Top
#229233 - 05/15/07 07:14 PM Re: What happens at Mom's house Stays at Mom's hou [Re: Gecko]
c_jane Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 1951
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
NO. I could AFFORD to still pay DAD the $700 +/month and HAVE son fulltime. But now why would THAT be fair?? The money is NOT the issue for me -- WHAT SON WANTS is. And yes, I will spend EVERY DIME I have left hauling Dad back to court to get what son wants. Which is more time with me. Son WANTS to spend 50/50 time with us. I want him to spend 50/50 time with us. DAD is the ONLY one having issues with it. WHY??!! Because he told me from the beginning ('97) that HE would NEVER pay CS -- and HE CAN'T AFFORD IT!!! He is also controlling, vindictive -- and KNOWS the only way he can 'get back at me' is through son. And son is gradually learning this too. And I do NOT have to say a THING -- I let Dad's actions speak for themselves.

And no, I don't particularly care for SM. She is bipolar (told me so herself) and frequently cusses son out and makes him cry. She also flies off the handle in other ways. He doesn't care for her much either. She also left Dad/son back last fall for 2 weeks because she was 'tired of dealing with son'. I had to convince son it wasn't 'his' fault because both she and DAD told him he was partly to blame. Because he wouldn't clean up his friggin' room when she told him to!!! Give me a break! So instead of telling him to get in there and clean it out, she packs her bags, has a screaming match with Dad, and leaves. This is all per Dad who actually TALKED to me, since he was in a bind &amp; needed help gettting son to/from school because SM wasn't there. I was GLAD to step in. He didn't have a BIT of problem calling me when he had to take care of son by himself. So I can't be too bad, right?! I kept son several nights &amp; got him to school when Dad couldn't because he leaves for work at 6AM and is gone 12 hours/day. I even offered to keep son on SAturdays so he could work Saturdays like he's REQUIRED to by his job. So don't say I don't try to work things out.

I make more than he does working less days. I have a Master's Degree. I am not married and own 1.5 houses (one shared with my Mom). I take time off from my job to go to son's field days, eat lunch with him once/month, and attend with him his fieldtrip. DAD has NEVER taken off ONE HOUR to go to a school function that I'm aware of. I am concerned with son's education. Son was recommended for the GT program &amp; DAD refused to sign him in!! Said he didn't 'need' it. That he would be 'just fine' going to trade school like Dad did.

And I have sent letters to Dad requesting 50/50 time with son. And son has repeatedly asked Dad for more time with me. And Dad refuses. So yes, since it's in the mod. order that son's wishes will be 'considered' and I don't think they are, we WILL go back to mediation. That's what it's for. And they WON'T take time away from me that I already have, unless they could prove abuse or that I'm doing something detrimental to son. And I'm NOT!! I just want Dad to leave MY time with son ALONE...

But once again, I realize there IS no solution to changing Dad -- he will never be anything but what he is now.



[quote]Do you want more time with son, so you can reduce CS?

---&gt; Why the f*ck does everyone ASSUME that JUST because a NCP wants more time with their child(ren), it can ONLY be to reduce child support?!? [/quote]
_________________________
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.

Top
Page 5 of 6 < 1 2 3 4 5 6 >

Moderator:  dsAdmin 


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: