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#4309 - 11/15/04 08:28 AM almost 10yr marriage
anna Offline
recently joined

Registered: 11/15/04
Posts: 1
I have been married for 9yrs and 8 mos. and live in the state of California. I am now seperated and my husband and I are talking about working it out. But he says he has heard that if we stay married for 10yrs. that I will be able to receive alimony for the rest of my life therefore, he thinks we should get divorced in order to avoid the possability. Is that a slap in the face? All I wanted was to work this marriage out I had no idea about what I can get and what I can't get. I would rather work this marriage out and let go of any alimony, but the thought of actually divorcilng to avoid this seems too extreme. At this point I am so confused at what to do. If he did file for a divorce by this week, how long can it take? We do have 2 children. The way I see things is that we have legally reached the 10yr mark since a divorce may take up to 6 mos. Is this true? Can he file in another state, country, to speed things up to avoid reaching our 10yr mark? Please let me know what I should do.

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#4310 - 11/15/04 03:39 PM Re: almost 10yr marriage [Re: anna]
KaysMom Offline
journeyman

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 65
I'm sorry to say it sounds to me like he is trying to find a way to get out. If money means more to him than your marriage, let him file. As for how long it takes, it depends on how complicated your divorce is; how many children (if any), division of assets, etc. It can take years, or if uncontested, can be over relatively quickly. I don't know enough about CA law to comment on that specifically.

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#4311 - 11/15/04 05:14 PM Re: almost 10yr marriage [Re: anna]
Grace Offline
addict

Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 404
Loc: KY
Here's what I think you should do. . . go see an attorney. Oh, and find out what your husband really wants.

In KY, a divorce w/children can be over in 30 days, if uncontested.
However, if everything isn't so agreeable, a divorce can go on for months. And, I wouldn't worry about him going somewhere else to file so that he can get it over with in under 10 years. You will get a chance to respond. If you don't agree, the attorneys duke it out.

Stop worrying about the 10 year mark. Your husband sounds like he needs THERAPY and quick. Or, he may in fact be using that as an excuse to get out. You either need to focus on getting help to save your marriage or get rid of this guy.

And, just being married for 10 years, doesn't automatically make you eligible for lifetime almiony. I would think 'lifetime' alimony is quite rare. What if you remarried? How old are you? How educated? How much work experience do you have? What is your health like? Are you disabled?
If you need some type of maintenance after the divorce, you could probably get that without being married for 10 years. I received temporary maintenance for 4 years after our divorce was final and we were only married for 8 years total, 7 years when the maintenance order was made.

Please, if a divorce is going to happen, get a good attorney and fight for what you need to survive. An attorney can let you know, based on your situation, exactly what you will be entitled to.

If a court thinks you are able to support yourself, then take pride in that and do it. And, consider yourself lucky that you aren't with a man that cares more about keeping his dollars than keeping his wife and family.

Once it is all said and done, get yourself some counseling and realize that you are worth MORE than a lifetime of alimony payments from any ex.
Good luck!
_________________________
Dyslexic agnostics don't believe in Dog.

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#4312 - 11/16/04 12:24 AM Not for your life [Re: anna]
Melody Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
but for a reasonable period for you to become self sufficient. Drag your feet for another 4 months and you have it covered. But...truly, do you work outside the home? Have you been a stay at home mom? There may not be grounds for spousal support. If you've been at home raising your kids, then it is reasonable that you may need some time to get back on your feet in the employment world. YOu may need to return to school to get your skills up to date. If that is the case, then you can probably get some spousal support for a period that may end up being half the duration of the marriage while you are completing school or acquiring a trade. You will NOT get lifetime spousal support. Don't rush into the divorce for any reason. He can file without you agreeing to it, but there are ways to make it take a while....AND it certainly would take longer than the four months needed to get past the 10 year mark.

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#4313 - 11/16/04 03:56 PM Yes, but... [Re: Melody]
Plum Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 218
I am concerned that just by FILING the husband could stop the clock running on the 10-year mark.
_________________________
Lawyers rule the U.S.; I am not one of them.

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#4314 - 11/17/04 12:30 AM hhmm, yeah [Re: Plum]
Melody Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/04
Posts: 10102
Loc: California
I don't know about that.

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#4315 - 11/17/04 03:32 AM Re: Yes, but... [Re: Plum]
Gryph Offline
member

Registered: 10/12/04
Posts: 118
Loc: Minnesota
That isn't the case in Minnesota, but I have no idea in California.

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#4316 - 11/17/04 08:01 PM Re: Yes, but... [Re: Gryph]
Plum Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 10/04/04
Posts: 218
http://www.prairielaw.com/messageboards/message.asp?channelId=17&subId=&mId=566030&mbId=84

Our poster has received an answer elsewhere. And "LynnM" is a lawyer who volunteers at PrairieLaw. So I guess you CAN stop the clock by filing.

Edited to add:
http://www.prairielaw.com/messageboards/message.asp?channelId=17&subId=&mId=565989&mbId=75
Here, too. "Fxton" is also, I believe, a lawyer.
_________________________
Lawyers rule the U.S.; I am not one of them.

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