I am having a hard time with the process of divorce. I am feeling so many different emotions. I have been with him for 6 years, only married for 1 of those. He has been verbally and physically abusive almost from the very beginning of our relationship. He is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He is addicted to oxy cotin. He has a horrible temper and has put me through hell. When I think back over the years it seems like all I can see is the bad. And yet now that we have been separated for a month, and I have a no contact order against him, I miss him. I have finally found the strength to leave him, because he would always say he was sorry and say how much he loved me and tell me how he was going to change. It was a horrible cycle. Because I wanted to believe him and feel good with him. But he would never really change. He has been trying to call me, I took a few of his calls, which was a mistake because he is just trying to get back together with me. But i have already hired an attorney and the paperwork will be ready to file on monday. The thought of him being served with the divorce papers, makes this all real to me. That I am actually going thru with it and severing the marriage and finally ending this destructive and hurtful relationship. It is a bitter sweet experience. Because although this is the only way I can ensure that I will have a happy future for me and my 7 month old son, I still feel like I am losing my best friend. I have to remind myself he was a lousy best friend. My biggest concern is that he will negatively influence my son. I do not want my son growing up to be a wife beater, thief, drug addict, selfish, disrespectful man. He thinks he can do whatever he wants and that his rich father will bail him out. I never knew how hard this all is. All i can do is pray and look to a brighter future.