Hi there...I am fighting with my exH because of this exact situation.
When I left him (due to severe physical abuse and emotional abuse) his family never talked to me again. He blamed me for everything, and let me tell you, I'm finding out now from his mom all the things he told his family that I was doing. All lies.
Anyway, after four years of being separated and divorced, his mother finally came to my daughter's birthday party. It was there that she asked if she could see the kids. Of course I agreed. I had been begging my ex for his families' addresses, etc, because I wanted my children to remain close to his family. Unfortunately, he said he would take care of it. But he never did. He found a new girlfriend, got her pregnant before we were even divorced (when he's never paid a dime to support his kids in five years) and moved hours away. His girlfriend has custody of her two girls, she's not even divorced. She's got a new baby, and she's pregnant again by my ex. Sigh. My ex refuses to work, claims he's "disabled", which is a SLAP in my face because I am really disabled. I developed cancer a couple of years ago, and fought for my life, all the while trying to raise my kids with no help from him. I also sustained a spinal injury that put me into a wheelchair. I will never work again, so say my doctors.
Anyway...his mom reached out after he shut her out. Since he rarely sees the children, only about 3 times a year..she could never see them either. She finally reached out and called me, and we've been seeing each other. I've been bringing the kids over to see her. My daughter (8) spent the night over her house last weekend.
Well, my ex a few weeks back told me under no circumstances was I to allow "his" children to see his mother after the birthday party of his sister (my children's Aunt). Well, I've done it anyway. I told him he can't tell me who the kids visit. My daughter just called him last night and of course she was SO excited about seeing her Grandma and spending the night with her...and I could tell by what she was saying that he was questioning her about it. Then she hands the phone to me...
He was LIVID that I "disobeyed" him (his words) and said I couldn't again let his mom see his kids. All because he's trying to get back at his mother. He promptly hung up on me after screaming at me. Sigh. My intentions are clear...I want my kids to have their family. I thought I was going to die not so long ago, and I thought long and hard about what kind of relationship my kids had with family.
I'm sorry I'm rambling. This just makes me so upset that this man can be so cruel. My daughter cried for so long when she heard him say that she couldn't see her Grandma anymore. I don't like the fact that he could care less about his kids' feelings...it's all about HIM, even now.
I didn't tell him (he hung up before I could) that my daughter even thought her Grandpa was DEAD because she hasn't heard from him in so long. My ex's parents are long divorced. I know that my ex's dad doesn't like me (after hearing so many lies about me...) and because of that, he won't allow my ex to give me his address for the sole purpose of mailing the pile of letters, pictures and other things my kids have made for him over the years. It breaks my heart that I can't mail him these things. It's his loss, but it's also my children's loss, and that is just horrible, in my eyes.
I truly hope you can work something out with your DIL. I'm so happy my kids are getting to know their Grandma again. It makes me very happy. Unfortunately, it's causing me MUCH grief with my ex. I still cannot believe he is so angry about this...he used to always say I visited MY family too much and not his enough.. and now he's mad about this?!
Good luck to you. I'm sorry for rambling on. :(