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#490061 - 02/22/09 06:27 AM Don't know what to do
cinnest Offline
recently joined

Registered: 02/22/09
Posts: 3
I was married in July..we are both older and he was married to the same woman for 30 yrs...she died from cancer 5 yrs ago. I was single for 19 yrs. Now that I moved into his house (supposed to be temporary only and it has been almost a year) he is in total control..I'm not comfortable even putting my pictures on the walls and I feel like I'm in a prison. He has a double personality that I did not know. If he gets upset he won't talk for at least 4 days...or when he does he says aweful things like i ruined his life...or another time he said "oh go jump" or FU, saying he feels like a mealticket after he told me to stop working!..blames everything on me...won't go to counseling and is never sexually agressive blaming me for not having sex...I'm sick of it and when he says those ugly things it is very hurtful and kills all feelings. I want out of this but I gave up my job and now under his roof. Can I get him to pay alimony until I get back on my feet? I'm also afraid he is going to let my indoor cats out when he gets mad and I feel trapped! Any suggestions would be appreciated.

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#490062 - 02/22/09 06:38 AM Re: Don't know what to do [Re: cinnest]
Maury Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 8182
Loc: This Asylum --->
It would be very unlikely on such a short term marriage. I would start looking for employment.

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#490063 - 02/23/09 03:05 PM Re: Don't know what to do [Re: Maury]
apples Offline
journeyman

Registered: 02/05/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Illinois
Get a job and start stashing away money in order to get out. There is really no way you will get alimony on such a short marriage. I'm sure states differ on the number of years and circumstances, but usually you're talking around a 10 year maarriage requirement for alimony to be an option.

You may want to see if there is a friend who will let your cats stay with them while you work if you are afraid he'll let them out. There are also pet daycare centers in some areas, but that will use up some of your get away money.

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#490064 - 02/23/09 03:31 PM Re: Don't know what to do [Re: cinnest]
shortmarriage Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 12/08/08
Posts: 1773
What did you enter the marriage with? Financially?

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#490065 - 02/24/09 04:07 AM Re: Don't know what to do [Re: cinnest]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
I can't see a judge ordering alimony. You have only been out of the workforce for a year. Alimony is usually intended for a spouse who was a stay at home parent and out of the workforce for many years. It's usually meant for that spouse to be able to upgrade their education or have time to find employment. Even though in retrospect it was a bad one you made a choice. As others suggested you really need to get a job now and save up some money and then leave. You may have to decide if your pets or your sanity are more important. I don't say that lightly because I have had one of my cats longer than 3 of my kids, but if I had to make a choice I'd have to choose my own well being.
_________________________
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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#490066 - 02/26/09 12:29 PM Re: Don't know what to do [Re: cinnest]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
No, you cannot get any alimony. Alimony is reserved for long term marriages, at least 5 years, usually even more than that. You were just married 7 months ago. You quit your job right after that. So you've been out of work less than 7 months. Get another job. Then you can move out and file for divorce and be thankful you two didn't have any kids together.
_________________________
Char Fox

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#490067 - 02/27/09 06:03 PM Re: Don't know what to do [Re: almostheaven]
Maury Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 8182
Loc: This Asylum --->
"No, you cannot get any alimony. Alimony is reserved for long term marriages, at least 5 years,"

That is not true under most statutes. Although unlikely, spousal support is possible in some circumstances on a short term marriage. this is particularly true in the case of disability.

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#490068 - 02/27/09 06:27 PM Re: Don't know what to do [Re: Maury]
almostheaven Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 07/14/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
Taken in whole, it is true. Because this wasn't a case of disability, and she hasn't been out of work long enough. Combine all that with the short-term...no court would award alimony under those circumstances.
_________________________
Char Fox

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#490069 - 02/27/09 06:32 PM Re: Don't know what to do [Re: almostheaven]
Maury Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/02/04
Posts: 8182
Loc: This Asylum --->
It is true that she is unlikely to receive maintenance. However, I was simplyt pointing out that the blanket statement "Alimony is reserved for long term marriages, at least 5 years, usually even more than that" is incorrect and misleading.

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#490070 - 03/03/09 11:48 AM Re: Don't know what to do [Re: Maury]
tj7run Offline
recently joined

Registered: 03/03/09
Posts: 3
Although alimony is most likely not an option, it is time to get your ducks in a row. You are in an extremely abusive relationship and you need to plan your escape. Is there anyone you can stay with? We can always make allowances for why we stay, but you will make it. Call the company you use to work for and see if you can get your job back,if not then start looking. Talk to an attorney, you may have options.

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