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#512525 - 05/06/09 05:25 PM have question about child relocation
g8rgrl65 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 8
I will be filing an Intent to Relocate petition. I live alone in WV and my family lives in FL. I am raising 3 children by myself and get no financial from their father. He will hop jobs and never asks "do you have food?" or "do you need anything?" I even have to work part-time on my days off to make ends meet. I do though because you do what you have to do. The Judge has repeatedly warned him about his child support arrearages and the job hopping he does. My children go to counselors due to the nasty divorce we had. The counselor has had to jump on him because he will do things like tell my children "dont tell Mom this or that" or will cut me down in front of them. This is all in the counselor documentation so much that she had to call him in a one-on-one about his conduct. He also hops from house to house and now lives with a woman he has gotten pregnant and they live on the welfare system and in a one-bedroom. Neither are working. He wont support the 3 we have together as it is and now a new baby. I have sole custody and he sees them twice a week (I have what in WV is called "70% or greater" which is considered the "majority custodial responsibility"). When he gets them he mostly sends them to his parents house.

I've been given a great job offer down home. It would be a salary that I could provide better for the children. I would be near my 6 other siblings for the support network. I found a nice home also. Even did a comparison and the schools compare very well, no tax on food, no car inspections or personal property taxes there. My ex will contest this though.

He loves them I know, yet I too go to a counselor (because I chose to for myself) and he says that no man who doesnt provide for his children, gets another pregnant and wont marry her or wont take care of his own family cant love his children.

I prepared a proposal for visits far more expanded than the normal that the State mandates for out of state visits. I am also stating in the proposal that I am willing to pay for the transport to and from the destinations (ex. the gas costs, food, etc). I want to show him that I am not trying to be vindictive, but that I feel I can offer the children a better station in life where my support system is and where I can financially take care of the children better, but also tkaing into consideration of a well-thought out visitation plan for him. I am filing my notice exactly to the letter as I am to by law. I have even met the "proper purposes" for this according to the statutes. Does anyone have any further advise they can give?

So many posts about this subject lean towards the NCP giving the impression that no relocation-ever is right. I do realize that nobody is the winner-the kids are always the losers in any divorce. I want to do right by my children. I do feel I am in the right.


Edited by g8rgrl65 (05/06/09 08:25 PM)

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#512526 - 05/07/09 08:46 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: g8rgrl65]
Yetter01 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/01/09
Posts: 6
My worthless ex tried the same thing and fortunately it didn't work--but that was Virginia.
I actually know a woman with a custody case in West Virginia who lost custody of her daughter to her non-working ex because he claimed that he was the primary caregiver--and he still doesn't work and he lives with his mama!

Do your best to get an agreement in place with @#$!! before you pick up and go.
Don't bother being so nice as to pay for everything--you may not always have the cash; they are his kids, too, therefore, he should at least pay half the transportation to his parents house. Besides, he doesn't see it as an olive branch gesture; he sees it as another victory over you. He holds you responsible for messing up the good thing that he had with you.

Do what you must to get through the courts. Stand in front of the Judge and bring your counselor to provide witness testimony. Ask his parents to provide testimony on your behalf--you want your kids to have access to their grandparents, don't you? Evidencing your commitment to keeping up the family ties can't hurt you. BE HONEST. The economy is a factor. To keep you and your kids off of state assistance, YOU have to do what is in the best interest of your family. No matter how much he cries, if the Judge is worth his/her salt, you will be able to move because you are substantially improving the conditions for both your children and yourself.

However; DON'T put too much emphasis on the extra time you are putting in at work. The Judge may decide that since the prick doesn't have a job, he may as well watch the kids.

Good Luck!

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#512527 - 05/08/09 02:15 AM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: g8rgrl65]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Remember as you put together a case that you must prove it's in the best interest of the children to relocate. You are correct that in the majority of cases it is NOT in the best interest of the kids to move away from one of the parents and the majority of the posters (including me) will tell you that. There are always exceptions. You sound sincere in your intentions just don't set your hopes too high. While there are cases where a parent is allowed to reolcate with the children it doesn't happen in most cases..
_________________________
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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#512528 - 05/08/09 12:59 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: Debi]
g8rgrl65 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 8
I want to thank you both for your words of encouragement and your honesty and kindness. I was afraid to ask about this subject due to the # of posts that get responses in objection to their relocation reasons/plans, so forth. It is about all I can do to deal with my ex and I say this with all sincerity as just for example: sending text messages to me in the middle of the night while I try to sleep. I have to get up for work at 6:00 a.m. He will do these types of things. He is trying to wear me down, I feel, so that I get so tired of being harrassed, struggling in the financial area, etc that I would just give up and go home without my children-no, I cant-I have fought too hard to give them the best stable home I can. If I get told "no" I will just have to stay and stand strong to him that he cant continue to try to run over me like this. Again, thank you both.

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#512529 - 05/08/09 01:36 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: g8rgrl65]
g8rgrl65 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 8
I want to add this too from the last post I typed and that is absolutely "yes" that I want the kids to have quality time and a close relationship with their grandparents. I have and will continue to do the best I can to get along with them for the sake of the kids. There are times that they will ask for a little extra for this/that with the kids and I dont object to these. I do work with them. I want my kids to one day look back when they're grown and say that Mom didnt prevent them from time with their grandparents, but actually she saw to it that we got it. As far as the hopes getting up-trust me on this, I'm too scared to get them up. I'm very scared I'd get told "no."

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#512530 - 05/14/09 11:53 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: g8rgrl65]
Yes_Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
Quote:
I will be filing an Intent to Relocate petition. I live alone in WV and my family lives in FL. I am raising 3 children by myself and get no financial from their father. He will hop jobs and never asks "do you have food?" or "do you need anything?" I even have to work part-time on my days off to make ends meet. I do though because you do what you have to do. The Judge has repeatedly warned him about his child support arrearages and the job hopping he does. My children go to counselors due to the nasty divorce we had. The counselor has had to jump on him because he will do things like tell my children "dont tell Mom this or that" or will cut me down in front of them. This is all in the counselor documentation so much that she had to call him in a one-on-one about his conduct. He also hops from house to house and now lives with a woman he has gotten pregnant and they live on the welfare system and in a one-bedroom. Neither are working. He wont support the 3 we have together as it is and now a new baby. I have sole custody and he sees them twice a week (I have what in WV is called "70% or greater" which is considered the "majority custodial responsibility"). When he gets them he mostly sends them to his parents house.

I've been given a great job offer down home. It would be a salary that I could provide better for the children. I would be near my 6 other siblings for the support network. I found a nice home also. Even did a comparison and the schools compare very well, no tax on food, no car inspections or personal property taxes there. My ex will contest this though.

He loves them I know, yet I too go to a counselor (because I chose to for myself) and he says that no man who doesnt provide for his children, gets another pregnant and wont marry her or wont take care of his own family cant love his children.

I prepared a proposal for visits far more expanded than the normal that the State mandates for out of state visits. I am also stating in the proposal that I am willing to pay for the transport to and from the destinations (ex. the gas costs, food, etc). I want to show him that I am not trying to be vindictive, but that I feel I can offer the children a better station in life where my support system is and where I can financially take care of the children better, but also tkaing into consideration of a well-thought out visitation plan for him. I am filing my notice exactly to the letter as I am to by law. I have even met the "proper purposes" for this according to the statutes. Does anyone have any further advise they can give?

So many posts about this subject lean towards the NCP giving the impression that no relocation-ever is right. I do realize that nobody is the winner-the kids are always the losers in any divorce. I want to do right by my children. I do feel I am in the right.



You worry about him giving money for food, then generously agreeing to pay all travel. Admit it, there is a new man involved. There are as many jobs there are where you are at.

Do you think we were all born yesterday. You can forget it. CS and visitation are different and have no brsing on each other. Nor does your ability to get a job there. The judge eill dsy get one here and be prepared to hand over the kids to your ex

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#512531 - 05/19/09 02:36 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: Yes_Dad]
g8rgrl65 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 8
#1 Regardless of what I do offer or dont offer him, the man is "man"dated to support his children-here or there.

#2 My job offer there already far exceeds my current salary here making it more than feasible for me to make my offer of the travel expense and with a solid cushion to assure I dont need to scrape as do now. Gas, motel and food for a 12-hour drive? It's a one-day drive (but if an overnight is preferred by him, so be it-this is fine).

#3 I live alone with my children-I'll admit that I've "dated" some but no, there is no man. When I do date, it is when the children are on visitation with their Dad. Other than that, it's just us and our normal routine.

#4 I'd stay put right here if told no, before I'd give up and pack up. I would just have to accept that it wasnt meant to be.

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#512532 - 05/20/09 11:13 AM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: g8rgrl65]
Yes_Dad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
#1 Regardless of what I do offer or dont offer him, the man is "man"dated to support his children-here or there.

---> Of course

#2 My job offer there already far exceeds my current salary here making it more than feasible for me to make my offer of the travel expense and with a solid cushion to assure I dont need to scrape as do now. Gas, motel and food for a 12-hour drive? It's a one-day drive (but if an overnight is preferred by him, so be it-this is fine).

----> You don't seem to understand. The relationship between the child and their father will trump a job offer any time. You are free to move. The kids aren't.


#3 I live alone with my children-I'll admit that I've "dated" some but no, there is no man. When I do date, it is when the children are on visitation with their Dad. Other than that, it's just us and our normal routine.

#4 I'd stay put right here if told no, before I'd give up and pack up. I would just have to accept that it wasnt meant to be. [/quote]

--> It's not meant to be. Not if the father fights the move.

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#512533 - 05/26/09 01:35 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: Yes_Dad]
g8rgrl65 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 8
You may very well be right. I am just so afraid though. You see, I am over 700 miles away from my family-I am the baby of my family. I'm here alone with my children. It would be tough and somehow I'd find a way to make it, but I'm afraid of myself....my emotions because this has made me very bitter from living up here for so long. It is lonely with nobody. Nobody wants a woman with 3 kids. I just cant get in my car and drive down the road for a hug from my siblings or to just spend time with them and I cry a lot. It seems I'll be trapped up here for several more year unless I want to forfeit my children. That's like asking me to cut off an arm or leg. There is so much bitterness that I'm stuck alone and I am dictated where I can live though I have full custody. I feel there will never be any happiness for me and I feel as long as I'm not happy then how can I be good for my children? Its hard dealing with the fact that I may have to live here for many years. Its made me a very bitter woman and I am very depressed. I want to be strong and whole for my children. Their Dad has moved on-with his preg g.f. He doesnt care that I miss my family. In fact he would love nothing better for me to just give up and leave under the pressure and sadness of it all-but I cant leave my babies. I have fought too hard. My Mom didnt bail on me nor can I bail on my children. I am making the best case I know how-so that way I can trutfully say I gave it all I had and if told "no" I must deal with it. Its the "no" that scares me because I'm already bitter as it is now. How much more will I be if told "no?" Are their any effective ways for someone in my shoes to deal with this extreme homesickness?

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#512534 - 05/26/09 04:00 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: g8rgrl65]
Misslisa1017 Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
It's sad when people separate, and there is no exact science when when it's over, but the kids are the ones that suffer.

The court order is what needs to be followed, and if you and your ex can come to an agreement then that is what you go by and get it put into a court order.

Have you tried mediation? Don't give up.

There is hope. But the kids and their Dad is very important and it's a bond you don't want to break because of being homesick. You have to compromise.

I wish you a lot of luck.

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#512535 - 05/26/09 05:22 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: Misslisa1017]
g8rgrl65 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 8
I want so much to do right. I need relief from depression in myself about this so that I can find peace up here. Hard to find peace when your heart aches for your home and family. I wish I didnt feel this way and that I was ok about living here, but I cant seem to get to that place. People say that my kids are my family-true, they are, but to be with what is familiar to me-where I grew up and where my support system is-words cant describe the longing. I hurt so aweful. My life is torn in half it seems.

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#512536 - 05/30/09 12:26 AM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: g8rgrl65]
Buckeye Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/08/05
Posts: 7873
Loc: OH
Did you ever hear the saying, "You can't go back home"?

This will not be the same - you may think you can but things will be different, not the memories you have.

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#512537 - 06/04/09 05:59 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: Buckeye]
ajs06 Offline

journeyman

Registered: 06/03/09
Posts: 54
My hear aches. I want to go back home but I can tell you life is never the same. What is done is done and you have to move on no matter what. I did turn back once, fooled myself into believing things would go back tot eh way they were and knew it would take time. You just have to make the best of what you have and make yourself stronger in doing so.
This may sound harsh but I am speaking from experience.

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#512538 - 06/04/09 08:26 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: ajs06]
g8rgrl65 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 8
I greatly appreciate it. I already do have that gut feeling things wouldnt be the same. The one thing that matters most to me though is wanting to be near my wonderful brothers and sisters and my grown daughter and new grandchild.

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#512539 - 06/21/12 04:38 PM Re: have question about child relocation [Re: Misslisa1017]
romy555 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/21/12
Posts: 2
I know this thread has been inactive for awhile, but thought I would piggyback on this thread instead of creating a new one. My question is pretty simple. I live in Wisconsin and within 10 miles of my ex-wife and 7 year old son. She sent me a certified letter stating her intent to move over 300 miles to Minnesota to live and to take Matthew. I currently see him a substantial amount of time and am filing a petition to attempt to block his relocation. My question is...do I want to keep the Objection of Relocation petition/submittal to her and the court very generic at this point and only say I officially object and await mediation or do I at this point explain every single reason I object to the move, which includes rebuttal to statements my ex made in her certified letter to relocate? It is my thought that I should keep it simple at this juncture and not give away my hand, which will allow her significant time to do her homework in preparation for the mediation, of which I don't think she has done or will do if I don't list all of that information now. However, I'm not sure if the court wants to know all of this from me prior to the mediation. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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