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#628748 - 04/17/10 05:59 PM moving children out of state
7r9s Offline

recently joined

Registered: 04/17/10
Posts: 1
I am divorced with 2 children. I have primary physical custody. My Xdh has visition one day a week and every other weekend. I am remarried. My new dh moved here to be with us. We started our own business 2.5 years ago to try to make it work. He left a high level executive engineering job to move here. The business hasn't done as well as it should due to the economy. We have have yet to turn a profit and we are pretty much out of money due to the housing crash and the stock market. We are still having to put money into the business to get by. I know the business will be a success some day, we just are out of time money wise to make it happen. We live in an area that there are no jobs for my dh. This isn't an opinion but a fact. One we can prove. We live in a very tourist driven area. My husband has secured an amazing job in another state. It's about 2.5 hours by plane away. I have researched the heck out of it. There are great schools, places my children can continue their activities. I am going to break it to my xdh in 2 days but I am sure he will fight it. Currently he has about 130 days a year with the kids. I have made a visition schedule that he will have 90 days (at my expense obviously). I would basically fly them out pretty much once a month for at least 3 day weekend with extended time at all holiday. I pulled the school district calendar so I know when all their school holiday are. My lawyer thinks we have a chance since the economy is in the toilet and there really is no work for my dh here. And the fact that I am doing as much as I can to get the kids to him.

Now I know this isn't ideal. It is not want we want let alone what my xdh would want. Financially we don't have any options. If the judge won't let the kids go I will stay with them here and my husband will have to commute but I don't think that is best for the kids either.

Anyone have any similar experience or advice?

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#628749 - 04/17/10 06:11 PM Re: moving children out of state [Re: 7r9s]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
"If the judge won't let the kids go I will stay with them here and my husband will have to commute but I don't think that is best for the kids either."

Why do you think this would not be best for the kids?

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#628750 - 04/17/10 08:45 PM Re: moving children out of state [Re: Sherron]
preemiemom Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
Because you are breaking up, unnecessarily, an intact household. No cohesiveness, no full family.

What state is OP in? In NY, what is presented here is an EXCELLENT moveaway case, likely to be granted. Can't speak for other states.

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#628751 - 04/17/10 08:59 PM Re: moving children out of state [Re: preemiemom]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
"Because you are breaking up, unnecessarily, an intact household. No cohesiveness, no full family. "

Unnecessarily in whose eyes? The father currently has the children 130 days out of the year... 35+% of the children's lives is spent with their dad. The OP is suggesting to bring it down to 24+%... a 10% drop in time with dad. Sorry, but in my opinion, time with dad trumps time with sdad, or her time with her dh. At a current time share of 35+%, I would certainly call this guy an involved father, no? Unless there are reasons not mentioned... for the average situation your statement is an insult to the father. "full family"?? What is the father, a stranger?

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#628752 - 04/17/10 09:39 PM Re: moving children out of state [Re: Sherron]
preemiemom Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
"full family" meaning the in-tact one.

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#628753 - 04/17/10 09:49 PM Re: moving children out of state [Re: preemiemom]
Sherron Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 11/25/06
Posts: 20729
Am I understanding you correctly... are you saying the in general, the children's time with a step parent trumps the children's time with an actviely involved bio parent?

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#628754 - 04/17/10 10:08 PM Re: moving children out of state [Re: Sherron]
preemiemom Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 01/17/07
Posts: 19391
No, it means fracturing ANOTHER family, where there can be a REASONABLE replacement of visitation, doesn't make sense. So the child(ren) already have one broken home, they should sustain another simply bc visitation isn't exact? I don't agree that would be in the best interest of the child(ren).

In this day and age and with this economy, moving to survive financially will be more and more prevalent. It is what it is. A reasonable replacement of visitation is being suggested. additional vacation weeks can be added to make it closer, if needed. NY courts uphold that extended continuous periods are reasonable and effective at maintaining parent/child relationships.

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#628755 - 04/18/10 12:58 PM Re: moving children out of state [Re: 7r9s]
googledad Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/31/05
Posts: 10213
2.5 hours by plane is what , 1000 miles away ? Without knowing what state you live in , there are similarities in all states relocation guidelines . Is your request to move for legitimate reasons , can he find similar work in the state you live in now ? Will you follow your proposed parenting plan , is it similar to the amount of time he has now and sufficient to maintain the parent child bond ? 90 days seems lacking , 60 days for all of summer leaves only 3 days/month for the other 10 .
_________________________
Careful. We don't want to learn from this.

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#628756 - 04/19/10 05:53 PM Re: moving children out of state [Re: googledad]
c_jane Offline
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 04/07/07
Posts: 1951
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
Based on my school calendar, the kids are out 12 weeks for summer. Your Ex should have ALL summer, except for maybe the first & last weeks. That would be 70 days. Every T'giving, Easter and Spring Break & 1/2 of Christmas (another 25-ish days). ALL Three-day weekends in the other months or let the kids miss a day to MAKE a 3-day weekend. That would be 15 days.

That would be about 110 days -- still short but maybe you could work in some extra somewhere?

Do you really WANT your kids flying back & forth every month? What would be easier/more cost effective?? Flying your kids or your husband?
_________________________
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.

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#628757 - 06/24/10 02:21 AM Re: moving children out of state [Re: 7r9s]
castaway Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/24/10
Posts: 1
I would like to thank you for waking me up to how selfish women can be and how disposable we make men in our society. I am going through a seperation and was willing to "trust" my soon to be ex to do the right thing. At first I was resistant to trust and said "you will only allow me to see my son until you get a new boyfriend and he is uncomfortable by me", she replied "of course not you are his father and he needs you." Somehow I am sure you told your ex husband that at some point as well. You are selfish and should be ashamed of yourself. I thank you for setting me straight though and I hope the court tells you to fly your husband back and forth because that is easier and cheaper. Use your head.

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