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#637149 - 05/17/10 05:54 PM need mediation advice
Fishergirl Offline
addict

Registered: 12/06/08
Posts: 469
I could use some advice on this one.

My ex has EOW and 1 night a week + 2 weeks in summer and we alternate holidays. The entire time since my divorce ex has done just about every bad thing you can imagine an ex to do and some I never even thought of. It has been stressful to say the least. Between his emails, phone calls, chewing me out to the kids, stalking me, harrassing me in public, anger issues with me and the kids, mood swings, calling cps on me (all charges dropped within 30 min) and everything else we have just tried to hold our ground, maintain a peacefull home for the kids and try and live a normal life.

Ex has threatened that eventually the kids will hate me and want to live with him and I will never see them again- not happened. Ex also claimed that soon I would be living in a box- also not happened. He mentions the CS just about every email. He is terrible with money andaccumulates debt easily only this time he does not have my parents to bail him out. So after quietly watching him play disney dad I started getting emails with him requesting I lower CS or he would make my life hell. Like most of his rants I ignored it.

Well I think now he is finally in way over his head so he filed a modification. I was then ordered to go to mediation. My lawyer told me not to worry. To hold my ground and go hoping that we could if anything work on our current schedule to make it more affective for both of us.

When we got there we met for a brief period alond and my lawyer told me to tell the mediator that ex has a documented history of verbal and physical abuse but that I would do my best. She replied that it was ok but then said that if I started to cry she was fine with that which I thought was very odd. Instead we got in the room with ex myself and the mediator, ex demanded 50/50 custody right away. Never mind the fact that I have 3 years of documentation proving that no one thinks this is a good idea (including my kids counselors). The mediator then just went into "so what are you willing to give him" mode. I tried to just politely defend myself and lay out my reasons. Without looking at any information at all the mediator just seemed to play into my ex's lies and drama. It did not go well.

I now have another mediation tomorrow. In the last 2 weeks I not only have gotten several emails with him telling me to agree or he is going to make my life more costly and difficult but he also chewed out my sons teacher because HE scheduled a conference with her and then didnt show and somehow that was her fault, my daughter then came home and started crying last night that her dad told her that if dad didnt get 50/50 he was going to disappear forever, daughter also did not have any homework done, and son had a large very infected sore on his arm ( I totally understand accidents happen but he didnt put anything on it and it was dripping PUSS). I then get another email this morning detail his suggestions on how he should get 50/50 custody and how I should agree. Oh he doesnt want normal week on week off custody - one suggestion is that he get that and then I babysit the kids during the day and drop them off nightly at his house at 6 (its an hour drive). his other ideas are more choppy and just as bad - I would basically be at his beck and call and my teenagers would basically be unable to live any life at all.

I am planning on going in and trying to maintian a backbone, but I also have had bronchitis so I have no voice to speak of so that will really help. I just thought this would go so much smoother. I am already stressing about this. How should I handle this?

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#637150 - 06/01/11 04:33 AM Re: need mediation advice [Re: Fishergirl]
REDFOXX1967 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/01/11
Posts: 3
MY HUSBAND ALSO WANTED 50/50. BUT WITH MEDIATION, HE CAN ONLY GET IT IF YOU AGREE. THE PURPOSE OF THE MEDIATION IS TO TRY TO GET YOU BOTH TO AGREE. HE MAY BRING UP WHAT HE WANTS AND SHE IS GOING TO ASK YOU IF YOU AGREE. JUST STAND YOUR GROUND AND SAY NO. WITH LIVING AN HOUR APART, IF IT GOES TO COURT, MOST JUDGES WILL NOT AGREE TO THIS BECAUSE IT DISRUPTS THE KIDS LIFE AND SCHEDULE. YOUR HUSBAND ALSO SOUNDS LIKE HE WANTS TO USE YOU AS A BABYSITTER DURING THE DAY, SO HE WANT HAVE TO PAY ONE BUT AT THE SAME TIME WILL HAVE THEM JUST ENOUGH OVERNIGHT TO REDUCE OR NOT HAVE TO PAY ANY CHILD SUPPORT. AGAIN REMEMBER IN MEDIATION, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO AGREE TO HIS TERMS. IF THAT HAPPENS, YOU WILL HAVE TO GO TO COURT WHICH WILL BE IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN

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#637151 - 02/28/12 08:28 PM Re: need mediation advice [Re: REDFOXX1967]
IamUMP Offline

recently joined

Registered: 02/23/12
Posts: 8
This message is to introduce you to a new development in the field of conflict resolution. The
Universal Mediation Program is a complete and completely free mediation program, designed to help people to discover win-win resolutions to any and all conflicts in their life. The program really is universal and can be helpful in any type of conflict.

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The UMP is not a business, or a product being offered for sale. It is a program created to be available to everyone free of charge.

Feel free to learn more about it at [censored].universalmediationprogram.com

Sincerely,

The UMP ~ Universal Mediation Program

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