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#640616 - 06/02/10 06:53 PM Cheating Wife + Two Kids
applejuice Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 19
I began dating this girl in 8th grade (a long time ago, I know). We dated through senior year. Shortly after we graduated she told me she was pregnant. We decided to keep the child as it was the right thing to do. I left my job, which was pretty good for my age, working in the IT department of a local store chain. We moved to Tennessee from Michigan to be with her parents. They had moved down a month before us. I got the first job I could find which was at a gas station. We got married after 6 years of dating. (We were 19)Later that year we had the child. We bought a house after I found a better job and continued my education. We also had another child so that our children would not be too far apart in age as I was with my sister.

I am now pushing 22 years old and have found myself in a situation. My wife told me on my birth day that she had slept with someone who I had suspected her of liking for years. She had broken up with me in HS twice for this guy but it never panned out. She was always back in short order and I was stupid enough to take her back. She said a list of horrible things that I would not wish on my worst enemy. I cannot remember them all but she described the sexual act to me. IE: what they did, didn't use protection, etc. She also said she lied during her wedding vows and wanted to marry me because I was safe, and a good way to help her escape her parents.

Now she has been with multiple people since my birthday and out dancing, getting drunk, and smoking weed.

I work all day, go to school, and watch my kids. THIS IS MY LIFE.

This wasnt even a fraction of the story but now she is wants to leave me with all the debt, she wants the car, her half of the $8,000 home buyers credit, the house, alimony, child support (even though I am their primary care taker and provide health coverage), all this without a single divorce paper being filed. She wont even admit that she was in the wrong. Her MOTHER IS ENCOURAGING THIS!

Now she says she just wants to discover herself. I dont have any clue what that means?!?! But she plans on bending me over.

I want her back but she has shown herself to be something I never knew she was. I cannot even speak to her. She treats me like the [censored] on her shoe. Not even an ounce of respect for me as the kids father or her husband. I want to make this work but it takes two willing particpants.

How do I get her back with me?
How do I protect myself?
What the hell am I supposed to DO?

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#640617 - 06/03/10 12:42 AM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
Annie7676 Offline
old hand

Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 933
Loc: NY
You answered your own question, how do I get her back? It takes two willing participants...She wants out, and has made that clear...you can't work with that, no matter how hard you try.

I would seek a lawyer, in some areas the give free consults, write all your questions down and know what your rights are. While you are emotional now thats normal, don't be dumb. Divorce gets ugly and you need to protect your rights and those of the children and know what you can do legally. Thats reality.

You are 22, you are so young to have all this responsibility and she never had time to experience life as a teenager, young adult, etc. It sounds like she wants to party and do all the things she never got to do because she had a child at a young age and then another one.

You are continuing your education, what about her? What was she doing? A SAHM? Thats tough especially when you see others having fun.

What to do? Well once the other partner wants out, thats pretty much it. IF she is with others, then you need to protect yourself from ...well you know.

Good luck to you.

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#640618 - 06/03/10 01:59 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: Annie7676]
applejuice Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 19
I guess what gets me is I never had that time time to "party" either and I dont think twice about it. We had children early and that is just the way the ball bounces. I cowboyed up and took care of buisness. I currently have worked my way up to a good job again (for my age). Its at a local medical practice as an IT Systems Analyst. It provides about 40k /yr, pension, 401k, profitsharing, educational benefits, paid certifications, etc. I dont think twice about not being able to get drunk.

I tried to consult a lawyer and (i guess) made the mistake of telling her about it. She claimed that I was making this nasty and she can take me for eveything I have. Now, I am not trying to be sexist here, but after talking to the lawyer it sounds as if she is right. I am a man...I LOOSE; even if I did not fault this marrage. I will have to call one again, you are right.

I am continuing my education, I plan on attending the University for my Graduate program (PhD)in the next two years. Currently I have a 3.8GPA. She is a SAHM however, let me assure you, I did not plan on keeping it that way. As soon as the children start school (another 3.5 years) I was going to encourage her to either A) get a job or B)go to school. Option B being the one of my choice.

I think she may eventually come back, either in 2 months or 2 years. Her boyfriend just got off probation for drug charges and I dont think he will provide the lifestyle she wants...she will get sick of living with her parents or in a trailer. But I dont want her back with me just for "money", I want her back for the right reasons; love. But she lied on her vows and I didnt have a clue till the day she told me. (I am clueless)

I just want my wife back, the woman I CHOOSE to spend the REST OF MY LIFE with. Not just because baby was in the oven. I wish I knew what was going on in her head.

BTW: No divorce papers have been filed, we are still completely married. This shows me she doesnt want to leave per se. It seems like she wants to party then come beg forgivness because she knows I am a sucker. But her actions, words and complete lack of concern for my kids and I have made it so I am not sure if I should take her back (if that day comes) I mean she threw me so far into the negitive that by the time I caught the account up I was two and a half months late on evey bill we had.

I just dont know...

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#640619 - 06/03/10 10:12 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
yregna Offline
veteran

Registered: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
It is a woman's right to leave the marriage whenever she wants, and you'll have to pay her to do it...

Didn't you see that in the fine print when you signed up ? Men take responsibility, not women...
_________________________
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..." "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

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#640620 - 06/04/10 06:32 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: yregna]
applejuice Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 19
I am sorry, I must be very poor with humor. Are you serious about the fine print or not?

And if she wants to leave me then fine, but how can she get everything when she is the one who screwed up and I spend my time trying to be the best person possible for me and mine?

Sucks being a guy, I wanna dig for gold too!!! (Just kidding, I honestly earn what I make and am damn proud of it.)

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#640621 - 06/06/10 06:33 AM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
finz Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/17/08
Posts: 6756
he kids are with you now ? Let her stay gone for now AJ. When she has been gone for 6 months, then file for custody , divorce, and child support.

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#640622 - 06/06/10 01:43 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
Debi Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 7157
Her boyfriend just got off probation for drug charges and I dont think he will provide the lifestyle she wants...

Dude there aren't even divorce papers filed and she has a boyfriend with drug charges and wants him around your kids???? Find a new lawyer ASAP. Do NOT move from the house. If she comes back and starts anything you call the police and get a protection order, because I guarantee she'd do it to you and may plan to, to get you out of the way.

Right now you need to not think of how to get her back and think of how to protect yourself. She has parents and a drug trafficing boyfriend behind her. She has already made it nasty. Find a lawyer who has some balls and is willing to fight. Keep in mind if you hire one they work for you, so you go for a consult and ask what they are willing to do because you are not willing to accept that you have to turn everything over.

You're only21 and this is going to be the harderst fight of your life so far. Don't roll over.
_________________________
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.

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#640623 - 06/06/10 06:45 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
Don't leave your kids or your house. Fight hard for both.

She can ask for the moon, but it doesn't mean she will get it.

Don't have s3x with her, btw.

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#640624 - 06/07/10 09:12 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: 1004SRS]
applejuice Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 19
It's just too hard to avoid getting emotionally involved. I loved her with all my heart, even if I wasn't good showing it. I just bought my house and I love it along with the 3.5 acres it’s on. But that said I don’t have that much equity in that house yet so if she wins it the...OH WELL! I know I don't want to roll over because it is logical. However I have been seeing a councilor trying to better manage my emotions. I was fine before but it feels now like I am on the edge of insanity. On a daily basis I switch between wanting to get her back, wanting her to stay with her boy friend for the big SUCKS TO BE YOU coming down the road, and wanting to kill that [censored]. I find myself enjoying my children’s company less and less because I am angry at my wife (NO I DO NOT MISTREAT THEM). I am fighting the urge to drink myself into a coma on a daily basis. I quit smoking but started again (I don’t smoke around the kids, it is a disgusting habit). I am afraid I am becoming someone I worked so hard not to be.

My wife WAS my support, now I have none as my closest family lives 500 miles away. The only person I have to talk to is the wall...I am literally going insane; I am not myself anymore.

I feel sooooo bad for my kids but I am becoming less and less able to keep my emotions hidden from them.

I guess, in the end, she can take everything, including the clothes on my back, and as long as I have joint custody then I win.

I did have s3x with her, I thought she was coming back but she left when she was finished. (I am clean *phew*)Afterwards I found out she had a miscarriage of...someone's baby.

It's a Wonderful Life!

Who am I to bring two beautiful babies into this disaster of situation? God help us all...

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#640625 - 06/08/10 12:11 AM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
You feel just like all of us have at some point.

SHe won't win the house or any of the other stuff. You have to protect yourself and your kids, though.

Find a good counselor to talk to and ask your doctor about getting an antidepressant.

Do you go to a church or did you grow up in a church? Start going again or ask a friend at work for a recommendation. Start developing a support system.

No matter what, don't have s3x with her. She's been sleeping around - plus you could get preggers and you don't need to bring another person in the world at this point in time.

Find an attorney. Ask at work if anyone has any recommendations.

Post, post, post on here. Right now, it will help you.

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