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#640646 - 06/21/10 08:06 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: 1004SRS]
applejuice Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 19
I found out this weekend that she planned on divorcing me before we conceived our second child. So this has been a long time coming. She didn't even make it a year without wanting a divorce. Maybe I am the problem. lol

I am trying to come to terms with it now. Her boyfriend went out and got a job making more than I make by $20,000. I dont know how he did it. Yet I still end up paying her a third of every check I get.

I try not to take the lord's name in vein but...

God damnit.

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#640647 - 06/22/10 12:56 AM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
Why are you paying her anything? You have your kids and your home, right?

Post on the Stepfamily or Custody forum. You'd get better perspective.

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#640648 - 06/22/10 05:00 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
Avaya Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 9850
Loc: Arkansas
Quote:
Yet I still end up paying her a third of every check I get.


For what? And Why?
_________________________
Eternity is too long to be wrong.

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#640649 - 06/24/10 03:55 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: Avaya]
applejuice Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 19
Sorry for the delayed response.

She and her mother were upset because I didn't continue to pay her bills when she moved out and in with her parents/boyfriend. They said since she watches the kids 8 hours a day while I work that she cannot get a job because of that. They do have a point, that saves me $$$ because I don't have to pay money I don't have for daycare.

I was told that if I don't start paying then they will go to DHS and Families first and get daycare vouchers, food stamps, housing, etc. If this happens the state will come after me for reimbursement. But I have to pay for the rest of my life, not 18 years. So it was a threat. I wrote her a $400 check. It paid off her account which was -$300 because of boyfriends spending habits; leaving little room to pay her bills. Which apparently I am still supposed to pay after the $400. (I won't)

It sounds like no matter what she is going to take me for what I am worth. I just want out at this point so I can heal. It has taken everything out of me to keep trying these last few months. I dont know if it is worth it anymore. I know it is not and I am coming to terms with that. But so long as I have to pay her, it will never be over. I don't want to see her except when I drop off the kids and pick them up. Even then I dont want to hear a word out of her mouth.

This stuff aint easy. Marriage...wont make that mistake twice.

(Sorry for the dark humor, seems to be all I can produce lately)


Edited by applejuice (06/24/10 03:59 PM)

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#640650 - 06/24/10 09:33 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
Annie7676 Offline
old hand

Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 933
Loc: NY
Have you spoken to a lawyer or researched what you are required to pay?

It sounds like you are on your way to a divorce and the more you know the better off you are. Sorry that you are going through this but I doubt if there is anything you can do about that.

A lawyer can give you the information you need so you can start to protect yourself. A divorce is like the ending of a business deal, you will have to pay child support but I guess the support to your wife, which used to be called alimony is different in each state.

The sooner you seek the legal steps, the better off you may be. Since she has left the material home maybe that will do something.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Its tough. But she has replaced you with this OM. Not much you can do there and as hard as it is...seeking to move on is probably the best thing and the HARDEST path you will ever take.

Keep posting here for advice and support, these friends here can be a life saver when you are going through such a difficult and sad time.

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#640651 - 06/25/10 02:39 AM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
Get an attorney. Do not lay down and roll over. Fight for your kids and fight for the house. Don't leave the kids or the house.

She's the one that made the decision to leave the marriage....

Who cares if her mother is upset. Really? She let her adultress daughter and her boyfriend move in with her. Do you really care what she thinks?

Let them try to do the DHS thing. THey are just threatening you. I can see you being scared, but don't be. You are still married. Your income is too high for her to get a thing.

You need to remember that she can ask for the moon, but that doesn't mean she will get it.

Take care of yourself and your kids FIRST. Let her boyfriend worry about her bills.

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#640652 - 06/25/10 11:40 AM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: 1004SRS]
1004SRS Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 12/11/06
Posts: 5044
You may want to start looking at daycare for your children. She will lose the ability to be a stay at home Mom when you are divorced. She will have to get a job.

If you work this right, she could be paying you child support since you have the kids the majority of the time.

Depending on what state you are in, she may not get alimony or maintenance. She left you for another man.

Ask for 80/20 custody. You will have them 80% of the time. She will get Every Other Weekend and one night a week.

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#640653 - 06/25/10 02:17 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: Annie7676]
Avaya Offline
Carpal \'Tunnel

Registered: 02/09/06
Posts: 9850
Loc: Arkansas
Quote:
... you will have to pay child support ....


Not if he is awarded custody. Mom left and dad and the kids are in the marital home. Mom should not get custody based on what he's said about her habits.
_________________________
Eternity is too long to be wrong.

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#640654 - 06/30/10 03:58 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: Avaya]
applejuice Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 19
I just hate this situation so much that I cannot stand thinking about it anymore. But it seems to be all that is on my mind. I have not been "happy" in months, I do not enjoy my children as much as I used to, I am constantly distracted, and cant stand feeling like this much longer.
My marriage councilor told me that she thinks I have depression and to see a doctor. I am taking Welbutrin XL 300mg but it has not had any affect.

She was my ONLY support and the next closest family is 500 miles away. I have no outlet and it seems as if the marriage councilor is not making me feel any better anymore. I have not told my parents yet, I am afraid I would just get the "I told you so" and that is the last thing I need right now. I just continue to feel worse and worse day in and day out. I started going to church and trying to meet people. However nothing is helping, if anybody has any suggestions for things I have not tried please feel free to share.

I dont care what she gets I guess, as long as I have joint custody or better. That is all that matters.

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#640655 - 07/07/10 03:28 PM Re: Cheating Wife + Two Kids [Re: applejuice]
applejuice Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 19
I guess to cap everything off, she is not the person I thought I married. I dont know how she kept it hidden for over two years. Either way I have come to the conclusion am better off without her. It still hurts but she is destroying her life and I dont want to be a part of it.

How did I come to this conclusion?

She is pregnant with her drug using, alcoholic, smoking, piece of dirt, convict of a boyfriend, WITH WARRANTS!

I have a leg to stand on in court. I bet her BF runs off when she tells him too.

HA! These are the days of our lives... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

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