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#701116 - 02/08/11 06:46 PM I still want to make this work
Country_Song Offline

recently joined

Registered: 02/08/11
Posts: 1
It surprises me that I feel this way, but I still want to make my marriage work.

My wife left me about a month ago, she is having an affair with a man from work. He is also married and has a child. He has also left his wife. My wife is packing stuff up from the house and moving into her new appartment as I type this.

This began back in November when I found out about the affair which was only emotional at the time. She left for a couple days and then returned through the Holidays. After the first of the year, I tried to talk about her feelings and she left, this time for good.

I started off with what I know now as the completely wrong approach. Begging, gifts, using our child (beautiful 18mo girl). All of this just pushed her away further. I have since at least tried to stop this behavior, however I have caught myself not being totally consistent with it.

We did go to a mariage counselor a couple time but this did not seem to help, she had already made up her mind. I have since tried to implement the changes I need to make without telling her "I've changed."

I just don't know if I am doing the right thing. I actually have a bad feeling she really loves this guy. I can't believe I still want her back so bad, but I do. I would love advice as to the best method to use in this situation, recomended reading/counseling. Any and all advice is appreciated.

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#701117 - 02/11/11 06:35 AM Re: I still want to make this work [Re: Country_Song]
DedicatedDad Offline
veteran

Registered: 09/05/04
Posts: 1318
I hope you aren't letting her take the 18month old away to the new apartment and relinquishing custody.

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#701118 - 03/28/11 10:05 PM Re: I still want to make this work [Re: DedicatedDad]
tmart Offline

recently joined

Registered: 03/28/11
Posts: 2
I know exactly how you feel. I had the same situation happen to me when my daughter was just born. My husband had an affair with another woman who was also married and had children. It devastated me and tore me apart. I went with advice from friends and tried to move on without him. He was hell bent on being with her and didn't seem to care at all about what happened to me.

I started out behaving as you did. Begging, pleading, using our baby, but nothing worked. I had to implement that I was going to change and move on without him. I got counseling for myself and tried to imagine my life without him (which I couldn't do). Protect yourself and that baby. Keep those who support you close and never EVER let her see you depressed. It took my husband a few months but he finally came back. If she does come back please get counseling both individually and together. I wish you all the luck. Its not fair that we have to go through this.

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#701119 - 08/08/11 04:17 PM Re: I still want to make this work [Re: tmart]
Rivers Offline

recently joined

Registered: 08/08/11
Posts: 1
Whatever she wasn't getting from you, she got from him. To women, it's probably emotional. Women, want and need love, communication, the feeling of being nurtured, and being wanted.

I've been guilty of negligence on all these counts, and my wife has let me know. She has spoken with other men. She has found in them the qualities she wishes I had, but also thankfully, seen the qualities they lack, and I possess.

They key is to meditate on the reasons you fell in love in the first place, and try to be a better person, each one putting the other person in first place.

Easier said than done. You both have to willing to concede. I hope she will come to her senses and come back, but if she doesn't YOU will grow from this painful experience.

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