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#723333 - 06/30/11 09:36 PM Need advice please
kh22 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 06/30/11
Posts: 1
My wife has asked me for a divorce after 15 years of marriage and two children. There has been no infidelity, abuse or violence and she says she still loves me, but I can't love her the way she needs to be loved (she has abandonment issues from childhood and I am not good communicator or comforter).

I've cried, begged and pleaded to no avail. We've gone to counseling, but when the therapist said she might have some deep seated emotional issues hurting the marriage she stopped going.

Question: She has asked me to leave the house, but I can't stand the thought of my children thinking I tore up our family. Since she wants the divorce I believe she should leave. Am I being to harsh?

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#723334 - 07/02/11 05:54 AM Re: Need advice please [Re: kh22]
bsweet Offline

recently joined

Registered: 07/02/11
Posts: 1
Man this is a tough one. I mean on one hand I think you have a valid point, you don't want to be the one to leave since she is the one asking for it. On the other hand it might work in your favor to leave. I mean making it easier might make it better.

Either way if you agree to it, I think you leave on the condition that you BOTH sit down with the children and discuss openly and honestly why this fell apart and why you are taking the actions you are taking.

It's never pretty. Sorry to hear this.

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#723335 - 07/02/11 10:53 AM Re: Need advice please [Re: kh22]
Annie7676 Offline
old hand

Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 933
Loc: NY
She wants to end the marriage, you dont, she is unhappy, quit counseling and you can't do this right or that right???? I agree with you, let her leave. Let her go where ever so she can figure it out. Why should you leave?

Does she work? Does she have a job? If she does not, then whats in this for you? What would your leaving mean? Financially and legally?

It sounds easy in the beginning but it may not be as easy as it seems.

I dont think you are being harsh at all. She is the one that wants the marriage to end and seems to have the issues that need dealing with. Yes there are always two sides but since she stopped counseling and may have issues then she should take care of them.

If she does not work, then financially it will create a situation for you that may be more complex then you thought.

you may want to seek legal guidance for that piece of this.

Good luck

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#723336 - 07/20/11 03:39 PM Re: Need advice please [Re: Annie7676]
yregna Offline
veteran

Registered: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
Anne,
Quote " more complex " ?
Meaning he has to pay her to exit the marriage ? what a sweet deal !
_________________________
"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..." "Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"

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#723337 - 08/04/11 07:41 PM Re: Need advice please [Re: yregna]
RebeccaFein Offline

newbie

Registered: 08/04/11
Posts: 27
Loc: Georgia, USA
Here is my advice to you. Ask her to take the 5 Love Languages assessment (you take it as well) and the apology language ones (you take them as well). Make a commitment to her to speak her love language to her for 60 days and if she still feels you can't love her the way she needs you can enter the discussions about getting a divorce. PM me if you need more...but that's where I'd start
_________________________
You deserve to lead the fine life don't let ANYONE tell you differently!

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#723338 - 12/12/11 03:58 PM Re: Need advice please [Re: RebeccaFein]
sheepdog222 Offline
recently joined

Registered: 10/19/08
Posts: 12
Loc: Alabama
Havent posted here in quite a while. I'm so sorry you are going through this awful event. My Ex also had abandonment issues from childhood, she was a "brawler". Always mean and emotionally abusive to me and the children, still is at times.
The only way (my opinion)out of this mess is Through-It. She must be willing to seek help from professionals. But even before that I suggest PRAYER, lots of Prayer.
Have a look at Focus On The Family website.

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