My wife and I are in the process of getting separated. We have been married 3 years and have been together a total of 4. We in fact have never lived apart as we meet as college roommates in grad school. The marriage has been rocky with us both making mistakes. Recently a great deal of stress was due to my job that required long hours, 80-100 hours a week, no exaggeration and then she took an educational trip to Europe which we completely depleted out savings to fund and she overspent significantly which reached the point where I actually considered canceling her cards, but I didn't because i would have left her stranded with no money at all and after the massive occurrence she improved her spending, or at least stopped using the joint credit card as she has one in her name only. While she was gone there communication issues such as buying a plane ticket without discussing it with me and throwing us into a minor financial crisis and some indiscretions, like flirting with guys at bars for free drinks and one of them kissing her (she called me crying over that one) and a possible affair with a guy she met there (no hard evidence, but a lot of circumstantial and several lies). I probably did not make matters better as I completely flipped out over everything I was already stressed out due to my job and was missing my wife. As soon as she returned she stated she wants a separation, but wants to work on the marriage. When asked why, she said thats how she feels, but she was unable to say what here reasons were and why she felt that way. I told her I felt that separation was premature and asked for 1 month for her to decide while we went to therapy. She says it will be too stressful as she is working on her PhD and refused to wait one month, I thought waiting was a wise course as we have been apart for so long. At the same time she says she wants to work on the marriage and that she loves me. She reluctantly agreed to marriage counseling. I don't know what to do, I'm scrambling for a new place to live (can't afford the current one with her gone) and am recently unemployed and she accrued so much credit card debt that our savings is essentially gone. We are going on dates and doing stuff together, but with her moving out almost impulsively and with us deep in credit card debt that she accrued I feel like she's going through the motions as we are collectively paying off her tab and that as soon its paid off she'll divorce me. I know she is still in contact with the European guy and has claimed that he is just a friend, even after I aired my suspicions. I really want to fix the marriage, even with all of the problems I don't want to give up without trying as I love her, but I don't want to devote all that time and effort into something that she has already decided to give up on. We moved to our current city for her schooling, i have zero connections here and i have opportunities elsewhere, but it would require relocation, she has encourage me to do that, but I refuse to as long we are working on our marriage, as it would mean leaving her behind.
Edited by tdymadison (08/19/11 08:51 AM)