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#729854 - 09/02/11 07:01 PM california mediation vs atty for child
agent007 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 16
Does anyone know if I can have our 14 yr old go to the mediator and explain what he wants as for visitation with the NCP instead of having to hire an attorney and pay for an atty to tell the judge what he wants? Ex is asking for more time with our son but son doesn't want more time and is willing to tell the judge. However, I'm trying to keep son out of court and the stress of it all if need be. Any thoughts?

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#729855 - 09/05/11 03:30 AM Re: california mediation vs atty for child [Re: agent007]
annieo Offline

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Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1499
If you want your son to talk to someone about what he wants it would be a GAL and possibly a psychologist. I am curious as to why you think a child should be calling the shots - if he decides he only wants to go to school at his discretion are you ok with that - the law is not. You should be facilitating a relationship with the childs other parent and not trying to limit it - the child is 14 and does NOT call the shots. I would NOT take the child to mediation or to a lawyer - the courts frown upon this behavior and if you insist - look out for a change in custody to the other parent - it is a big NO NO to do what you are asking and the fact that you want to keep your child out of the middle as it is stressful - just what do you think mediation and or a lawyer would be - obviously you have talked with your child about this - that can be considered PAS - leave the child out of it and be the parent and facilitate a relationship - the other parent is asking for more time and you are trying to limit it based on the supposed wants of a CHILD.

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#729856 - 09/05/11 09:15 PM Re: california mediation vs atty for child [Re: annieo]
agent007 Offline

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Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 16
ok let me clarify. ex is ONLY asking for more time on paper to lower his child support. Minor ( age 14) wants to live with cp because of ncp drinking and anger issues. Oh and ncp telling minor that he didn't want him there. So I'm don't think it's in the minors best interest for me to facilitate a relationship when ncp has made it clear that he doesn't want one. Judge already said minors councel might be needed since there is substance issues on ncp side. Both ncp and cp agree to the 14 yr old picking out visitation at his descretion. Just thought a mediator would be more cost effective and less stressful on minor then doing the councel for minor and putting him through that. trying to do the right thing for minor here....really!

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#729857 - 09/06/11 04:20 AM Re: california mediation vs atty for child [Re: agent007]
annieo Offline

veteran

Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1499
A judge said a minor councel (as in attorney?) may be needed because the ncp has substance issues - thats a new one

Do not take the minor child to mediation as in mediation that you and ex were going to as part of the court process

Involving the child is a big NO NO

Good Luck and I hope it turns out best for all involved <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

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#729858 - 09/07/11 04:52 AM Re: california mediation vs atty for child [Re: annieo]
agent007 Offline

recently joined

Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 16
I'm trying to keep minor out of court. Not sure what the judge will want to do. We had mediation today without minor. Same old stuff there. Mediator said she could meet with minor. I was just thinking this might be a better approach or more gentle way of minor being able to express what he wants and having that conveyed to the judge without minor having to go to court or be directly involved. Minor had a major issue with ncp and spouse and now has no desire at all to go back there. That is one reason he can call shots. I think if i make him go back, he will resent me and it could damage our relationship and that I don't want to happen.

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#729859 - 09/07/11 02:16 PM Re: california mediation vs atty for child [Re: agent007]
annieo Offline

veteran

Registered: 07/07/10
Posts: 1499
We had the same problem with my ss and the judge allowed him to decide whether he wanted to go the second weekend he would have had to go and ordered he go to one weekend a month but this all went through a GAL and it came from her speaking to my ss.
He never took the second weekend and rarely went the first and she allowed it so that is how it went - my state doesn't allow a child support deduction for more time with the ncp.

Just use the standard calculation or eow - the ncp is in agreement with the child not coming unless he wants to so leave it at that. So what if the ncp gets a little break in cs - it would keep your child out of the middle which is what you desire.

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#729860 - 11/11/11 09:40 PM Re: california mediation vs atty for child [Re: annieo]
Barreto Offline

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Registered: 11/11/11
Posts: 2
[censored]://[censored].barretolaw.com

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#729861 - 11/11/11 11:07 PM Re: california mediation vs atty for child [Re: agent007]
Renny Offline

addict

Registered: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
Ultimately if your 14 year old wants to express his opinion about custody he can do so in an affidavit. That is usually enough. If the judge wants to see him for some reason he may do so in camera.

I font see the point of having the son speak to the mediator. The mediator can't testify. If anything it should be a GAL.

But to get back to your question, no, your son should not speak to the mediator for that purpose. There are forms available online. Look for affidavit of election -- it is an election by your son. This is attached to your answer to a petition for mofification filed by your ex.

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